I'm scared of possibly being a pedophile

[LossOfWill]

I have no morals or values and it makes it hard for me to understand why things are bad. I'm scared I'm possibly a pedophile because I think I'm attracted to anime kids in sexual situations. I get aroused by it, so I have to be attracted to it. I hate it. I've been suicidal over anxiety of "what if I'm a pedophile/zoophile etc" and I just now realize I may actually be one of those. I'm on the verge of tears I didn't choose to be like this I jlwant to die so badly. I'm sorry
When I order SN I'm going to take it as soon as I can I can't fucking handle this bullshit anymore. I want nothing more than just an end to this misery

EDIT: Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a lot calmer now and I'm sure this could be OCD. Thank you again for helping me.

 

[Bat 17]

What do you mean you have no morals or values? What is it that attracts you about the anime kids? Do you get attracted to real kids?

 

[LossOfWill]

What do you mean you have no morals or values? What is it that attracts you about the anime kids? Do you get attracted to real kids?

I mean I don't have any feelings towards morality. I don't feel passionate about any kind of morals and I just don't feel anything at all about immoral things. I don't think I understand what makes things moral or immoral.

I don't really want to say what attracts me to anime kids, but I don't think I'm attracted to real kids but I don't know. I don't want to find out that I am.

 

[DarkWolf]

Sounds like intrusive unwanted thoughts. Do you have OCD?
There's a difference between thinking something and actually doing something. I suffer from intrusive thoughts. Its part of the reason I want to die too.

 

[LossOfWill]

Sounds like intrusive unwanted thoughts. Do you have OCD?
There's a difference between thinking something and actually doing something. I suffer from intrusive thoughts. Its part of the reason I want to die too.

This thread was originally titled with OCD, but I'm not diagnosed. It might be OCD but it doesn't excuse me watching hentai of kids... Its something I unfortunately used to do when I was a kid so I'm "used" to it... I'm certain I have OCD over other things like the zoophilia and other unwanted sexual thoughts

 

[Bat 17]

Well it sounds like you have an intuition that attraction to real kids is immoral right? I know that doesn't help much when you are battling with your own thoughts and feelings

Do you have attraction for adults ?

 

[LossOfWill]

Well it sounds like you have an intuition that attraction to real kids is immoral right? I know that doesn't help much when you are battling with your own thoughts and feelings

Do you have attraction for adults ?

I only know its immoral because thats what society says. That's the only way I know what things are good or bad.

I am attracted to adults yea

 

[Sslsh]

There are way to many actual bedos in positions of power around the world than you can ever imagine. Being attracted to kawaii anime lolis is not the same as being attracted to actual kids irl. and even if you are, you can work on it to make sure you never act things out. Don't beat yourself over this. The very fact that you feel guilty about it goes to show that you have more morality than many.

 

[Bat 17]

Have you seen a psychologist ?

In any case if you are suffering from OCD type intrusive thoughts, psychology can help as can medication (don't know if you are on any already)

 

[SoTiredOfBeingHere]

Many girls have "rape" fantasies. That doesn't mean they would like to be raped in real life.
Same situation could be here - you have fantasies in your mind, it doesn't necessarily mean you want to fulfill them in reality.

 

[demuic]

I don't think it's necessarily true that you have no morals or values because it's clear that the concept of being a pedophile is one that causes you a lot of stress. Someone with no morals or values would not care about that.

Have you heard of pedophilia OCD? https://www.madeofmillions.com/ocd/pedophilia-ocd

Pedophilia OCD, or POCD, is a subset of OCD in which a sufferer has unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children. This subtype often results in panic, anguish, shame and depression. People living with POCD have no desire to harm a child, yet they're tormented by thoughts of doing so.

The difference between someone living with POCD and an actual pedophile couldn't be greater. A pedophile takes pleasure in situations in which they have an opportunity to find sexual gratification around children. Someone living with POCD will do the exact opposite. Sufferers of POCD are so horrified by their thoughts that they will avoid children at all costs. The nature of this subtype is so taboo that it often leads to years of suffering in silence.

Liking something like that in a fictional setting doesn't mean that is a desire you have in real life.

Have you ever been diagnosed with autism?

 

[LossOfWill]

Have you seen a psychologist ?

In any case if you are suffering from OCD type intrusive thoughts, psychology can help as can medication (don't know if you are on any already)

I'm seeing a therapist and I'm on meds yea.. I think I'm feeling better now. Knowing it's possibly OCD is slightly relieving

 

[DarkWolf]

This thread was originally titled with OCD, but I'm not diagnosed. It might be OCD but it doesn't excuse me watching hentai of kids... Its something I unfortunately used to do when I was a kid so I'm "used" to it... I'm certain I have OCD over other things like the zoophilia and other unwanted sexual thoughts

OCD is a mental health condition it's not like you can help it. Do you think it might be helpful to see if you can get a diagnosis? Maybe there's a medication that could help you?

 

[LossOfWill]

I don't think it's necessarily true that you have no morals or values because it's clear that the concept of being a pedophile is one that causes you a lot of stress. Someone with no morals or values would not care about that.

Have you heard of pedophilia OCD? https://www.madeofmillions.com/ocd/pedophilia-ocd

Pedophilia OCD, or POCD, is a subset of OCD in which a sufferer has unwanted harmful or sexual thoughts about children. This subtype often results in panic, anguish, shame and depression. People living with POCD have no desire to harm a child, yet they're tormented by thoughts of doing so.

The difference between someone living with POCD and an actual pedophile couldn't be greater. A pedophile takes pleasure in situations in which they have an opportunity to find sexual gratification around children. Someone living with POCD will do the exact opposite. Sufferers of POCD are so horrified by their thoughts that they will avoid children at all costs. The nature of this subtype is so taboo that it often leads to years of suffering in silence.

Liking something like that in a fictional setting doesn't mean that is a desire you have in real life.

Have you ever been diagnosed with autism?

I did hear of POCD, is possible it could be that.

I've never been diagnosed with autism but I'm highly certain I have adhd so I could possibly have autism as well

OCD is a mental health condition it's not like you can help it. Do you think it might be helpful to see if you can get a diagnosis? Maybe there's a medication that could help you?

It would bring me great relief to get a diagnoses, but my therapist tells me I shouldn't focus on that...

Unfortunately I don't think my medications are really helping

 

[Bat 17]

It's great that you can come on and talk about this stuff with us

the worst thing to do is suffer in silence

What medications are you on ?

Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist as there is a lot of diagnostic uncertainty

 

[DeadButDreaming]

If you molest children you will be beaten mercilessly in prison.

 

[LossOfWill]

It's great that you can come on and talk about this stuff with us

the worst thing to do is suffer in silence

What medications are you on ?

Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist as there is a lot of diagnostic uncertainty

Sertraline and abilify to help boost it. I did accidentally skip them today so maybe that's why I'm like this. Otherwise I might need new meds

 

[BluesRunTheGame]

I've been suicidal over anxiety of "what if I'm a pedophile/zoophile etc" and I just now realize I may actually be one of those. I'm on the verge of tears I didn't choose to be like this I jlwant to die so badly.

Yes this sounds like something straight from the OCD playbook, i.e. it sounds like you're being played by your apparent OCD. It is a merciless disorder.

 

[DarkWolf]

It would bring me great relief to get a diagnoses, but my therapist tells me I shouldn't focus on that...

Unfortunately I don't think my medications are really helping

Im obviously not expert and im not telling you what to do, but i personally feel that if it would bring you relief to get a diagnosis, you should. It's about how you feel not your therapist. Your therpist is there to guide/help you. Not to tell you what to do or how to feel. If you get a diagnosis of ocd they may be able to change the Meds to be more effective possibly. Or they may suggest another treatment or support.

 

[Zebedee]

Don't worry, you're not alone... I hate myself for similar reasons and often wonder how much longer I can hold on. I've already bought SN, antiemetics aren't a problem as I'm prescribed olanzapine... I just don't know if I'll ever muster the courage to bite the bullet... Even though it seems my other option is a life of misery. I hope things improve for you, feel free to message if you ever need to talk.

 

[meetinggodsoon]

Don't worry. You are fine. Get treatment for OCD
Fluxotein worked for me :)

 

[TotallyIsolated]

I don't think you have "no morals" or you wouldn't be worried about it. Plus, its perfectly normal to have intrusive or unwanted thoughts.

 

[nex]

There are far more people with paedophiliac tendencies than you'd think. It's just that nobody talks about it, for obvious reasons.

Being attracted or having fantasies does in no way make you a bad person. It's not your fault that something arouses you. The line is acting on it.

As long as you understand that it would be horrible to act on it and you don't do it, I don't think there's anything to be ashamed of (at least with yourself--of course you can't discuss that in public). There are FAR too many people who sexually abuse children and many of them aren't even actual paedophiles. If someone has paedophiliac desires but makes sure to never let it become real, that is actually commendable.

A paedophile is in itself not a bad person. A child abuser is.

 

[Meditation guide]

I only know its immoral because thats what society says. That's the only way I know what things are good or bad.

I am attracted to adults yea

Pedophiles are attracted to children. I do not see from what you said that you are one. I think as others pointed out you might have OCD. I'm sure if you were a real pedophile you would most definitely be attracted to children and be finding ways to be around them.

 

[Desi]

You do have morals: you're showing guilt and shame about what arouses you sexually.
You have to be able to talk to someone about it, a professional, i'm sure there is a psychologist in the ER of your local hospital, you can go there.
you were courageous to admit it here, go and talk to a professional, you'll be rewarded. Do it as soon as you can.

 

[Hurt]

This could be OCD. You are not you're thoughts. Don't listen to the lies your mind tells you. Every kind of OCD is horrible. I know how it feels. Unwanted intrusive thoughts make my anxiety very high. When you have those thoughts let them stay there don't fight for them to go away because they make stronger. Hope you can get better.

 

[Rayzieka]

Yeah my first thought was OCD too, from what youre saying theres nothing to be worried about.
Actual pedophiles are a whole different can of worms.

 

[Hikikomori1]

I have no morals or values and it makes it hard for me to understand why things are bad. I'm scared I'm possibly a pedophile because I think I'm attracted to anime kids in sexual situations. I get aroused by it, so I have to be attracted to it. I hate it. I've been suicidal over anxiety of "what if I'm a pedophile/zoophile etc" and I just now realize I may actually be one of those. I'm on the verge of tears I didn't choose to be like this I jlwant to die so badly. I'm sorry
When I order SN I'm going to take it as soon as I can I can't fucking handle this bullshit anymore. I want nothing more than just an end to this misery

EDIT: Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a lot calmer now and I'm sure this could be OCD. Thank you again for helping me.

If you're worried about being a pedophile you aren't a true pedophile.

 

[jorheslen428]

I only know its immoral because thats what society says. That's the only way I know what things are good or bad.

I am attracted to adults yea

Umm we all get our morals from society dude

 

[unnormal9]

Bumping a two year old thread.

Umm we all get our morals from society dude

Fuck 'society'. I'm more of the anti-hero.