I'm scared. I'm so scared, I'm going to cry.

[Un-]

I should be studying right now, but I can't. I'm scared about my suicide. That the things I've wanted - SN. N, Fentanyl, etcetera - won't be available when I'm finally ready.

I'm scared that I'm gonna have to die in an awful way. I'm scared that I won't be given one piece of comfort when I die.

I don't want to make anyone else scared, but it's difficult to.. Stay calm. How can you be so cruel? How can you be so cruel to force people to stay alive, when it doesn't get better? How can you be so evil to force people to die horrifically? I'm not even angry. I'm petrified. I'm scared of how I'm going to die. And I'm scared for humanity.

People don't want to understand anymore, and it's killing everything. And I don't think it'll ever stop, because it constantly happens.. War, abortion, racism, and now this. I'm gonna cry, again.

 

[October112021]

If it comes to that. charcoal is one substance they can never ban. It's a bit more complicated than, say, Nembutal (you need a grill to burn it on until it's smouldering, but not smoking; some kind of bucket to contain it in; and a sealed room or tent or car - eye goggles would also help), but it is way more accessible; and it's almost certainly less painful than Sodium Nitrite.

 

[damaged_soul]

Oh man I feel this. I can't study because I am so preoccupied with suicide. I'm so scared about how I'm going to die.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

I really feel you, I face the some prospect of a horrible death
Best I can do is hope that it'll be over quickly. One last moment of immense suffering before it's finally over.
And until then trying not to worry about it too much. But I know that's easier said than done.
Nevertheless, I hope you can find a way to calm down. Distraction is usually my go to.

 

[swanlife]

If it comes to that. charcoal is one substance they can never ban. It's a bit more complicated than, say, Nembutal (you need a grill to burn it on until it's smouldering, but not smoking; some kind of bucket to contain it in; and a sealed room or tent or car - eye goggles would also help), but it is way more accessible; and it's almost certainly less painful than Sodium Nitrite.

Didn't know it's less painful than SN

 

[October112021]

Didn't know it's less painful than SN

It's impossible to say for certain, but given what we know this seems highly likely. I myself am using SN I got some time ago only because I don't have a car or room to do it in; I would prefer charcoal.

 

[lifeisadream]

I should be studying right now, but I can't. I'm scared about my suicide. That the things I've wanted - SN. N, Fentanyl, etcetera - won't be available when I'm finally ready.

I'm scared that I'm gonna have to die in an awful way. I'm scared that I won't be given one piece of comfort when I die.

I don't want to make anyone else scared, but it's difficult to.. Stay calm. How can you be so cruel? How can you be so cruel to force people to stay alive, when it doesn't get better? How can you be so evil to force people to die horrifically? I'm not even angry. I'm petrified. I'm scared of how I'm going to die. And I'm scared for humanity.

People don't want to understand anymore, and it's killing everything. And I don't think it'll ever stop, because it constantly happens.. War, abortion, racism, and now this. I'm gonna cry, again.

Feel for you ***hugs***

I'm meant to be working right now but the thought of dying is swimming around in my head. None stop constant thoughts drowning my brain.

 

[lionetta12]

I should be studying right now, but I can't. I'm scared about my suicide. That the things I've wanted - SN. N, Fentanyl, etcetera - won't be available when I'm finally ready.

I'm scared that I'm gonna have to die in an awful way. I'm scared that I won't be given one piece of comfort when I die.

I don't want to make anyone else scared, but it's difficult to.. Stay calm. How can you be so cruel? How can you be so cruel to force people to stay alive, when it doesn't get better? How can you be so evil to force people to die horrifically? I'm not even angry. I'm petrified. I'm scared of how I'm going to die. And I'm scared for humanity.

People don't want to understand anymore, and it's killing everything. And I don't think it'll ever stop, because it constantly happens.. War, abortion, racism, and now this. I'm gonna cry, again.

I'm just popping sleep meds now whenever I get my daily panic attacks and when I start crying, it's the only way to avoid and escape it now, to feel drowsy for hours instead of hysterical and sad. I think it's honestly the only thing making it barely bareable to live atm.

 

[Un-]

Feel for you ***hugs***

I'm meant to be working right now but the thought of dying is swimming around in my head. None stop constant thoughts drowning my brain.

Thinking about suicide doesn't usually bother me. What is bothering me is that.. Slowly but surely, the peaceful ways to die are being taken away. I can't sleep at the thought of that.

Oh man I feel this. I can't study because I am so preoccupied with suicide. I'm so scared about how I'm going to die.

If I can't have access to those drugs.. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I really don't know. I can't get a gun.. Too young, and my country doesn't sell em.. I'm left with really violent ways to die. Train. Car. Jumping. Drowning. Maybe hanging, I can pull off.. Sigh. This is awful.

If it comes to that. charcoal is one substance they can never ban. It's a bit more complicated than, say, Nembutal (you need a grill to burn it on until it's smouldering, but not smoking; some kind of bucket to contain it in; and a sealed room or tent or car - eye goggles would also help), but it is way more accessible; and it's almost certainly less painful than Sodium Nitrite.

At least not all is lost..

I'm just popping sleep meds now whenever I get my daily panic attacks and when I start crying, it's the only way to avoid and escape it now, to feel drowsy for hours instead of hysterical and sad. I think it's honestly the only thing making it barely bareable to live atm.

I never understood panic attacks.. I don't know what they are. But from how everyone describes them, it's as if I'm constantly in a panic attack.

Barely living is god awful. My days.. I don't even know if I'm alive. I barely eat. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I'm in bed all day, unless I have to work. But I procrastinate. And I go to bed feeling severely unsatisfied because I did below the bare minimum.. This isn't living.

 

[lifeisadream]

Thinking about suicide doesn't usually bother me. What is bothering me is that.. Slowly but surely, the peaceful ways to die are being taken away. I can't sleep at the thought of that.


If I can't have access to those drugs.. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I really don't know. I can't get a gun.. Too young, and my country doesn't sell em.. I'm left with really violent ways to die. Train. Car. Jumping. Drowning. Maybe hanging, I can pull off.. Sigh. This is awful.



At least not all is lost..


I never understood panic attacks.. I don't know what they are. But from how everyone describes them, it's as if I'm constantly in a panic attack.

Barely living is god awful. My days.. I don't even know if I'm alive. I barely eat. I don't shower. I don't brush my teeth. I'm in bed all day, unless I have to work. But I procrastinate. And I go to bed feeling severely unsatisfied because I did below the bare minimum.. This isn't living.

It's more a feeling of existing rather than living. There's nothing left, just a feeling of utter emptiness which continues each day upon waking.

I too fear that the only ways left are going to be the ones you cited. So the cruelty continues.

Just want out & to finally be at peace.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Fentanyl and N have both been illicit for a long time as far as I'm aware. SN at least has industrial and legitimate uses, maybe you won't be able to order pounds of it online but it wouldn't be hard for somebody somewhere to keep disappearing 20g or whatever on an ongoing basis...

If they don't do anything about "curing salt" 320g of it will consist of 20g SN, there has to be some way of separating it out.

I'd still encourage you to focus on the things you need to focus on for now.

 

[Another Day Empty]

I'm just popping sleep meds now whenever I get my daily panic attacks and when I start crying, it's the only way to avoid and escape it now, to feel drowsy for hours instead of hysterical and sad. I think it's honestly the only thing making it barely bareable to live atm.

I do something similar with sleep meds myself... I keep taking more and more each time, but I end up only gaining an astronomical tolerance to them. I feel on this... I'm sorry to hear you're going through something such as this.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is beyond cruel and unfair how we live in a world that basically wants to make suicide as inaccessible as possible for people. It's horrifying the thought of attempting a risky method.
I believe that just having the option of a more peaceful exit would be a comfort for people, knowing that they could exit when the time feels right, it's what humans deserve the option of after being forced to exist in a world that they never asked to be in, existence is nothing more than a prison when they make it this difficult for people to finally be free.

 

[mojabaka]

I can relate. I'm supposed to study and re-enter university in January, but all I can think about is how the covid "vaccine" ruined my whole life. What's the point of studying if I'm going to kill myself anyway? But yeah, I'm also scared. I don't want to be disabled for life, but I also don't want to die so young. It's really shitty. I don't believe in karma or any religion, but I hope that everyone working at Pfizer either butns in hell, or at least dies a very painfull death. They don't deserve any better for what they did to me and other people.

 

[help56]

If it comes to that. charcoal is one substance they can never ban. It's a bit more complicated than, say, Nembutal (you need a grill to burn it on until it's smouldering, but not smoking; some kind of bucket to contain it in; and a sealed room or tent or car - eye goggles would also help), but it is way more accessible; and it's almost certainly less painful than Sodium Nitrite.

Is sn painful

 

[Un-]

Is sn painful

From my time spent here, it's seems like it's not painful. But it is uncomfortable.. I don't remember the exact symptoms, but I guess it depends on your tolerance level, how smooth your SN journey will be.