I'm scared I'm going to fail

[to_rid_the_disease]

Hey guys.
After surviving what was 189 acetaminophen pills (I counted what was left today) last month, I am terrified that my SN method is going to fail. I have everything I need and am following the one day method (fasting, 30mg metos, etc) but I've been feeling sick all day.
My body knows what I'm going to do. I haven't even taken anything yet! I'm so worried it's just going to be like before and I'm going to be ill but fine.

 

[MoreThanAFeeling]

I actually know what you feel.

That feeling disappears when I explain to myself (sub conscious mind) how serious I am about not wanting to exist. Good luck.

 

[Razor's Edge]

Hey guys.
After surviving what was 189 acetaminophen pills (I counted what was left today) last month, I am terrified that my SN method is going to fail. I have everything I need and am following the one day method (fasting, 30mg metos, etc) but I've been feeling sick all day.
My body knows what I'm going to do. I haven't even taken anything yet! I'm so worried it's just going to be like before and I'm going to be ill but fine.

Me too .... trying to count down to CTB day but the zero clock keeps getting moved.

It seems like every idea, when it becomes a plan, all of a sudden something happens to need to postpone and reschedule. You start counting down the days and then...BOOM!!!



*I am planning on CTB with my fiance'. His problems are worse than mine.
Plus he's bi-polar... our nerves are so bad that we lock horns occasionally, but overall we are cool.
Just like 2 Peas in a pod.*



I, too, am about to pull my hair out, trying to find a FINAL EXIT METHOD. It seems like every idea gets shot down almost .
And this can be the ONLY try. It MUST NOT fail!!!


(* If ANYONE has ANY ideas of how to help, PLEASE let me know.* )


Ok, so...I have access to 4grams of H, (which would be 4grams each) Lots of Valium and Klonopin as well, alcohol, and SN (only as a last resort).
If I were to use them, PLUS, an assortment of ideas of methods we've come up with, (each seeming to be shot down one way or another.)

These are some of the methods I have access to:

Drug Overdose (obviously)
Taking EVERYTHING above and hoping for the best. But to use a 2nd method ...to be sure, just in case.
Oh, and that would be 4grams of H each...btw.

Drowning...
adding putting bricks chained to steel toe boots on my feet, then just jumping in a lake, taking all that first. Pretty sure method, right?
(Lots of lakes, ...NO PRIVACY!!!)

Carbon Monoxide
in a van, with 3 pails of charcoal.
(Too suspicious!!! Have 6 chimney starters, BUT... live in a residential area)

Cutting or Stabbing
Slitting my throat, or my wrists (up to the elbow,),or, stabbing my femoral artery.
(Not sure I could function well enough to do it right with ALL of that in my system.)
(P.S. Because I AM a Cutter, this idea DOES appeal to me in a way...I know that sounds sick...like I'm mentally ill, or something...but, I actually am!!!)

SN
However, my fiance' has a really bad ulcer.
This would be like putting salt on an open wound. WAY too agonizing!

Night, Night
(Ratchet around throat and hitting just the right artery)
(Can't seem to find the right spot...Aggghhh....!!!

Plastic Bag Suffocation
(Easy to escape from if survival instinct kicks in)

Hanging
(We live in a mobile home, so we don't have any ceiling beams we could use or trust)
(Partial Hanging, like from a doorknob, doesn't seem sure enough.)

Helium
(Tanks WAY too suspicious looking. They are HUGE!)

Decapitation (Piano Wire)
Have piano wire going across the front seat of the car, somehow.
Then drive somewhere and hit the gas, then the brake.
(Not too sure about tying the piano wire right. This way MUST be done correctly, or we may survive!!!)

Jumping
(Going SPLAT!!! However, there are no buildings in my town to use that are high enough, and both my fiance' ( Did I mention he is agoraphobic)
plus, we both have such bad nerves we couldn't dare drive anywhere out of the city anyway.)

Aaagghh!!!...

PLEASE!!!
(* If ANYONE has ANY ideas of how to help, PLEASE let me know.* )

 

[Aliali1992]

You should't compare the two methods..Acetaminophen has like a 2% success chance and you'll probably end having a pretty bad and painful liver faliure more than dying. SN has more success chance especially if you took antiemetics

 

[Pan]

Full suspension is my favored method; their is little time for second thoughts. Within seconds, you are dead, dead, deader

 

[xBrialesana]

I have the same fear.
Esp since I'm destroying all files, demolishing my whole life and spending the rest of my money taking care of things, ya know like fuck lol failing would just suck edit: confessing a lot of things (not like illegal shit just really dark and personal awful stuff that people need to know but I can't ljve with them knowing if that makes any fucking sense)
(I had a Tylenol & ibuprofen attempt as well when I was 11 lol. I read the overdose warning and thought that would work.)

 

[AlreadyGone]

I know the feeling. Failing and what comes after failing (hospital stay etc) is what I fear the most. I feel like I have to get everything right before making that attempt.

 

[Justinian]

Wow, you have certainly done your research here, here is a little bit of my opinion:

Drug overdose: Rule of thumb is that you want to do this method appropriately and with certainty. Many drugs take too long and are too agonising. For example liver failure and acidosis in acetaminophen overdose takes just too much time to develop. I am not sure what H refers to but if it's the opioid then 4g would be more than enough to ctb for you both.

Drowning: Probably one of the more painful methods, as you can imagine. But if you refer to the resource thread there's info on "painless drowning" that involves hyperventilation beforehand. You'd faint before that urge to breathe. Still won't attempt it personally due to the fear factor.

CO: Buy a tent and camp somewhere?

SN: Theoretically possible for your fiance even though I'm not sure if it will actually work out. One way is to buy empty corn starch capsules to put the SN in and hope that they don't dissolve until leaving his stomach. The other way is to do an SN enema. Some people say a concentrated salt solution hurts the intestines but I you can always dilute the SN solution to several hundred mL. He might need an extra pair of hands delivering the enema so you might have to assist him first then do it yourself.

I don't know much about the other methods but stuffs like cutting, hanging and decapitation are really frightening to me.

 

[Pan]

I understand your reserve regarding hanging, Justinian, but that is how I plan on stepping out. It's quick, cheap and I can do it all in my basement. A water pipe runs the length of basement. I'll go with full suspension, as it guarantees instantaneous death. I don't want to live in this global mosh pit any longer.

 

[Justinian]

I understand your reserve regarding hanging, Justinian, but that is how I plan on stepping out. It's quick, cheap and I can do it all in my basement. A water pipe runs the length of basement. I'll go with full suspension, as it guarantees instantaneous death. I don't want to live in this global mosh pit any longer.

Good luck and if done correctly hanging should be rather peaceful. Might be a good idea to 'practise' beforehand.

 

[MeriDeath]

Hey guys.
After surviving what was 189 acetaminophen pills (I counted what was left today) last month, I am terrified that my SN method is going to fail. I have everything I need and am following the one day method (fasting, 30mg metos, etc) but I've been feeling sick all day.
My body knows what I'm going to do. I haven't even taken anything yet! I'm so worried it's just going to be like before and I'm going to be ill but fine.

Just tell yourself you're better off dead than being alive for one more moment with all that misery surrounding you. Tell yourself you got nothing to do here and basically it doesn't matter if you're dead now or at 50. You're setting yourself free from all your problems that you can't deal with.

 

[autumnal]

Hey guys.
After surviving what was 189 acetaminophen pills (I counted what was left today) last month, I am terrified that my SN method is going to fail. I have everything I need and am following the one day method (fasting, 30mg metos, etc) but I've been feeling sick all day.
My body knows what I'm going to do. I haven't even taken anything yet! I'm so worried it's just going to be like before and I'm going to be ill but fine.

FYI, the SN protocol when followed exactly is at the other end of the reliability scale compared to acetaminophen/paracetemol overdose. So please don't let the failings of the first attempt overshadow the good reliability of the second.