I’m scared, hopeless, and lonely

[cjb]

I've been in a hopeless downward spiral since April. I am 1 year and 7 months clean from meth, and a couple days sober from alcohol.
I can't talk to my irl friends about my urge to relapse. I am so scared of them leaving, just like everyone else has.
My abandonment issues and CPTSD have been lit up like a damn christmas tree for months, and nothing helps.
My doctors told me they have no more options for me for mental health treatment. we've tried therapy, rehab, PHP, IOP, EMDR, DBT, been institutionalized and tried every medication under the sun. I'm still a walking PTSD bomb.
I want to relapse with drugs so bad. I want to feel that euphoria again before I go. But i'm so scared of failing and being locked up again.
I just need a friend :(
no one cares. i'm so done.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really dreadful feeling trapped in that situation, existence is just too cruel and I get that loneliness can be so painful for many who exist here. But anyway best wishes.

 

[WonderingSoul]

omg same

 

[RedLightMoments]

You should tell your friends because you have nothing to lose really. If you are set on CTB then even if they leave you it will just make it easier to CTB. If they do care then at least you have someone to help.