I’m scared but I don’t wanna live anymore

[suicidaleeyore]

It's winter where I live - I've run away to end everything. It's freezing, I haven't eaten in so long so I feel sick from that. I brought ethylene glycol as supposedly it's odourless and sweet, I just tasted it and it's so bad. Like so bad. It kinda burnt in my mouth too. I've got 4-500mls to get down, I thought it would be easy as I expected it to taste not too bad. I've drunken antifreeze with the bitterant before and this is just as bad. I'm terrified of what's to come. I don't have any other good way I can ctb though. This is my chance. I'm just scared of the taste (which is so stupid I've drunken antifreeze before and I know if I drink it it'll kill me). I'm scared of the vomiting I know will follow. I'm scared of the pain. Last time it was actually not bad untill I couldn't pee, I was begging the doctors to hurry up and put a catheter in (they had bigger priorities such as getting a line in my neck though). I'm scared that will happen. Last time I ended up in hospital cause I ran away from the psych ward and drunk it but this time there will be nobody looking for me for at least another 8+ hours and a lot longer before anyone finds me which is enough time for the damage to start being done or even die. Someone please help me get the guts to drink it. I want to die

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such a horrible way to try and die, I find it so inhumane how we exist in a world where people are denied access to more peaceful suicide method options. But anyway I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[dory]

The vomiting that comes after sounds terrible, same with the taste, are you sure theres no other option? i hope if you do follow through with this its as peaceful as can be

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I fully understand and respect your wish to ctb. But why do you think you'll be successful this time when it failed once before? You'll only harm yourself again and you'll see a hospital from the inside. I suggest you should rethink this attempt but in the end it's your own decision.

It's so inhumane that there are no easily accessible methods available for humans who just want to leave this world to free themselves form their personal suffering and hey forced to use unreliable and painful methods with a low success rate.