Venting I'm sad to the point I say it out loud multiple times a day

[figcitylightscookie]

I often find myself randomly exclaiming, "I'm sad," out loud, completely unprompted. This only happens when I'm alone, of course. I never thought I would get to a point where I was so sad I had the urge to say it out loud like this. This isn't a new phenomenon; this has been happening for months, but whenever it happens, I just get sadder. My heart sinks whenever I say that; it feels a hundred times heavier. I was always so excited to become an adult; I thought the key to happiness would be adulthood, but here I am, rotting away, letting myself know I'm sad every once in a while as I waste my life away.

I don't really know how to explain it. It's like when you blow a balloon so much that it pops; so much sadness builds up inside me that I feel the urge to say I'm sad out loud. What's confusing is that nothing really happens to make me sadder; it honestly just happens randomly during the day. I'm sure this isn't a unique feeling, but I just wanted to share.

I wonder how the younger versions of myself would react if I randomly said I was sad in front of them. I never stuck to journaling because my privacy would always be invaded, and my entries would always be read, but I know that I've been sad for a long time, just never this sad, I guess. I've never been so sad I've had to say it out loud multiple times daily. I'm sorry, little me's; I wish we ended up in a better state. I'm sorry I failed you.