Story I’m really tired of living my life. I can take care of myself(personal hygiene and chores), but I’m always feeling out of energy and unwilling to live

[FRUSTRATED MIND]

I have been dealing with suicide thoughts since 2017. When I graduated from high school, I started to be worried and scared about my future (having children, supporting my wife and family), everything turned out to be a disaster. Out of blue I became depressed and anxious. I worked as a school tutor (teaching mathematics and foreign languages) in my neighborhood. Two years after graduating high school, I was super productive in my professional life. But in 2018, things got worse. I lost my job at school, and I started to become more depressed followed by suicide thoughts. In 2019, I moved to a big city called São Paulo (in Brazil, because I'm originally from Fortaleza, Brazil), I was living in a small town where there's no job opportunities and I had my personal ambitions in life. In São Paulo, I didn't find any job opportunities except doing shit jobs such as: washing dishes in a overcrowded restaurant, I didn't controlled my stress levels and anxiety resulting me to think that life is worthless. Guess what happened? I lost my job in the restaurant because of my fucking weak mind. I failed and I'm now living with my brother and parents. My parents sometimes put me down, they say that I'm weak and everything that happened was my fault. I don't have any support at home except my brother, he understands me just a little, but he's like my parents. I'm fucking tired of seeing my cousins and brother building their future (family, wife and children) I'm 26 years old. I'm like an adolescent. I'm not prepared for my life challenges. My 26 years are lost in frustration and illusions of building a bright future. I don't want to get married or having children. I don't want to work or having a profession. I tried and failed, I'm tired. I wanna die soon! Life is worthless and painful. I'm 26, I'm still young. I wanna die before getting in my fucking 30s maybe I will try suicide in December to see what's gonna happen). Life is a shit game. The strongest can survive. I was weak! Even breathing is becoming painful. I can't feel pleasure in life anymore. I cry every night thinking about my failure . I'm quite about what I want. Please don't judge me!

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

So sorry you are going through this.
It's not your fault that you became depressed and anxious: it's the fault of of this evil predatory system we are living in.
We have become enslaved by having to become wage-slaves in order to survive and pay for things that should really be free.
In years gone by, you could just build build a shelter without having to buy land, and grow your own food, and live a free and natural existence.
You are not weak, depression is caused, in a great deal of cases by having to live in this unnatural society.
It's also disgusting how family members invalidate our suffering.

 

[FRUSTRATED MIND]

So sorry you are going through this.
It's not your fault that you became depressed and anxious: it's the fault of of this evil predatory system we are living in.
We have become enslaved by having to become wage-slaves in order to survive and pay for things that should really be free.
In years gone by, you could just build build a shelter without having to buy land, and grow your own food, and live a free and natural existence.
You are not weak, depression is caused, in a great deal of cases by having to live in this unnatural society.
It's also disgusting how family members invalidate our suffering.

I already decided my own future, I'm not planning to get married or having children. I don't want to live. Living is like a torture for me.

 

[hellispink]

I gotta tell you something, we the ones who want to die, we actually the strongest people. We are just tired. Others who seem strong they just lying to themselves. We don't wanna do that anymore, thats the difference. I get your pain, i feel useless too and family is horribly sick and toxic also. But remember you ain't what others think or say about you. You are what you decide only. Always take decisions based on you for you nor because others are pressuring you. Sending hugs.

 

[Heart Failures]

I have been dealing with suicide thoughts since 2017. When I graduated from high school, I started to be worried and scared about my future (having children, supporting my wife and family), everything turned out to be a disaster. Out of blue I became depressed and anxious. I worked as a school tutor (teaching mathematics and foreign languages) in my neighborhood. Two years after graduating high school, I was super productive in my professional life. But in 2018, things got worse. I lost my job at school, and I started to become more depressed followed by suicide thoughts. In 2019, I moved to a big city called São Paulo (in Brazil, because I'm originally from Fortaleza, Brazil), I was living in a small town where there's no job opportunities and I had my personal ambitions in life. In São Paulo, I didn't find any job opportunities except doing shit jobs such as: washing dishes in a overcrowded restaurant, I didn't controlled my stress levels and anxiety resulting me to think that life is worthless. Guess what happened? I lost my job in the restaurant because of my fucking weak mind. I failed and I'm now living with my brother and parents. My parents sometimes put me down, they say that I'm weak and everything that happened was my fault. I don't have any support at home except my brother, he understands me just a little, but he's like my parents. I'm fucking tired of seeing my cousins and brother building their future (family, wife and children) I'm 26 years old. I'm like an adolescent. I'm not prepared for my life challenges. My 26 years are lost in frustration and illusions of building a bright future. I don't want to get married or having children. I don't want to work or having a profession. I tried and failed, I'm tired. I wanna die soon! Life is worthless and painful. I'm 26, I'm still young. I wanna die before getting in my fucking 30s maybe I will try suicide in December to see what's gonna happen). Life is a shit game. The strongest can survive. I was weak! Even breathing is becoming painful. I can't feel pleasure in life anymore. I cry every night thinking about my failure . I'm quite about what I want. Please don't judge me!

I don't judge you, but you are only 26 and you potentially have a whole life ahead of you. The billionaire author of Harry Potter, JK Rowling was an unemployed single mum, living in poverty until she was 32 years old. Imagine what a failure she felt at your ago. I achieved nothing at 26 too, but I have had a very full and interesting life. So could you! My first piece of advice is leave your family, even if you have to wash dishes again, temporarily and then start making plans and work towards them. Take a risk with living rather than the risk of dying.


You might want to know why such a "positive" person is here. I tried to kill myself when I was young, twice. And I am glad I failed.


Third time I will succeed. I have a terminal illness, but that is just bad luck. I had 40 amazing years since my last suicide attempt.

 

[FuneralCry]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free, it's dreadful how there's so much suffering in existing and I certainly get that it's so tiring feeling trapped here. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

 

[FRUSTRATED MIND]

It's really understandable just wishing to be free, it's dreadful how there's so much suffering in existing and I certainly get that it's so tiring feeling trapped here. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.

Thank you.