Venting I’m really sorry.

[Anxieyote]

Hi guys. It's been awhile since I've been on this website.

I tried going elsewhere—using a different online space to recover.

I actually felt like I was getting very far towards something new. A chapter of my life that might not be so sad. But I came back here today because it feels like once I started to really understand things; understand myself, and connect the dots, I realized that making up for lost time is going to be a nearly insurmountable task.

I'm frightened. I took the first tentative steps outside of my comfort zone and decided to try something new. I met so many new people, and started speaking in online voice chats. And I really came out of my shell in a way I'd never seen myself do before. It was so cool. I haven't had an actual good quality friend since I was 20 years old; and I'm 29 now. That was a 9-year gap in between connecting with anyone. And I use that word "connecting" because I did have coworkers I talked to at my job in my real life; but that's just people you interact with because you have to.

That high was quickly followed by a sense of devastation when I began to understand where my life is; and just how far I'm going to have to go in order to get to a place where I'm even going to be able to tolerate it.

I have nothing. And that's no exaggeration. I just don't have a structure or basis for anything in my life. I'm starting at square one again at age 30. Having to relearn things that most kids caught onto in their early adolescent years; like being able to talk to cashiers and bank tellers without getting nervous. And also knowing that the experiences I would have going forward will have a muted sense of victory or accomplishment to them. It would be akin to watching a man in a wheelchair cross the finish line long after the other racers have sprinted passed it 5 or 6 times already.

I want to express to this community that if something bad happens to me, I'm glad I got to be here. I'm glad I got to be a mod for a little bit, and that experience is what inspired me to even attempt to try new things in my real life and see if I could make something work.

I want to be realistic though. I've been a bit naive about recovery. I had no idea what it was going to entail—and when I hash out the finer details of what it is going to entail, my eyes glaze off into space and fog over with a weary sense of sadness.

I don't know if I can do it. I'm going to need a lot of help from a lot of people. I can't do it by myself; and unfortunately, once you reach adulthood you are expected to handle most things by yourself.

The prospect of actually trying to fix my life is completely overwhelming. There is too much lost time now, and I've uncovered traumas I didn't even know I had that are destroying any semblance of motivation that I can muster.

I want to ask if you guys will pray for me. Or keep me in your thoughts. That will always mean a lot coming from this community of people.

Also, I know this seems silly—but please have fun. I was always allowed to express myself as an internet coyote, but I never gave myself the permission to do that until I was here. Please express yourself, and have fun doing it.

I express myself as a furry in the online spaces I am in now, and I don't apologize for it. After years of suffering, I have earned the right to be a zany little furry spaztastic weirdo. I pray I can continue to do so for as long as I live.

And I really hope no one here has the intense social anxiety issues I have which prevent me from feeling like I can express myself at all. If you do, please don't be afraid. Don't ever apologize for being yourself. Know that people want to get to know you, and they'll feel happy to know you once they do. You don't have to stay in your box. I stayed in mine for far too long.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm new to the site, I read your pin posted I personally thought you passed on, but it's glad to see your still kicking, I'll remember your name and this posts, keep kicking and make the world your bitch. Best of luck

 

[Readytogo246]

Yes! I feel the same way. It is so comforting to find a place where we can be honestly ourselves.

 

[Hahem]

I feel the exact same

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Hi guys. It's been awhile since I've been on this website.

I tried going elsewhere—using a different online space to recover.

I actually felt like I was getting very far towards something new. A chapter of my life that might not be so sad. But I came back here today because it feels like once I started to really understand things; understand myself, and connect the dots, I realized that making up for lost time is going to be a nearly insurmountable task.

I'm frightened. I took the first tentative steps outside of my comfort zone and decided to try something new. I met so many new people, and started speaking in online voice chats. And I really came out of my shell in a way I'd never seen myself do before. It was so cool. I haven't had an actual good quality friend since I was 20 years old; and I'm 29 now. That was a 9-year gap in between connecting with anyone. And I use that word "connecting" because I did have coworkers I talked to at my job in my real life; but that's just people you interact with because you have to.

That high was quickly followed by a sense of devastation when I began to understand where my life is; and just how far I'm going to have to go in order to get to a place where I'm even going to be able to tolerate it.

I have nothing. And that's no exaggeration. I just don't have a structure or basis for anything in my life. I'm starting at square one again at age 30. Having to relearn things that most kids caught onto in their early adolescent years; like being able to talk to cashiers and bank tellers without getting nervous. And also knowing that the experiences I would have going forward will have a muted sense of victory or accomplishment to them. It would be akin to watching a man in a wheelchair cross the finish line long after the other racers have sprinted passed it 5 or 6 times already.

I want to express to this community that if something bad happens to me, I'm glad I got to be here. I'm glad I got to be a mod for a little bit, and that experience is what inspired me to even attempt to try new things in my real life and see if I could make something work.

I want to be realistic though. I've been a bit naive about recovery. I had no idea what it was going to entail—and when I hash out the finer details of what it is going to entail, my eyes glaze off into space and fog over with a weary sense of sadness.

I don't know if I can do it. I'm going to need a lot of help from a lot of people. I can't do it by myself; and unfortunately, once you reach adulthood you are expected to handle most things by yourself.

The prospect of actually trying to fix my life is completely overwhelming. There is too much lost time now, and I've uncovered traumas I didn't even know I had that are destroying any semblance of motivation that I can muster.

I want to ask if you guys will pray for me. Or keep me in your thoughts. That will always mean a lot coming from this community of people.

Also, I know this seems silly—but please have fun. I was always allowed to express myself as an internet coyote, but I never gave myself the permission to do that until I was here. Please express yourself, and have fun doing it.

I express myself as a furry in the online spaces I am in now, and I don't apologize for it. After years of suffering, I have earned the right to be a zany little furry spaztastic weirdo. I pray I can continue to do so for as long as I live.

And I really hope no one here has the intense social anxiety issues I have which prevent me from feeling like I can express myself at all. If you do, please don't be afraid. Don't ever apologize for being yourself. Know that people want to get to know you, and they'll feel happy to know you once they do. You don't have to stay in your box. I stayed in mine for far too long.

Noooo please not you yote ): dont give up man. i will keep you in my thoughts no matter what you do, but id rather have a positive memory of you :/

I know its very overwhelming to see how far behind you are everyone else in life, and how much work there is to do to catch up or atleast progress, but take it a step at a time. day by day, baby steps. im pretty much in the same boat as you, let me tell you life is not a race. life has no inherent meaning, just try to have fun, enjoy it and thats it
you dont have to achieve certain things at a certain age or time

 

[Anxieyote]

Noooo please not you yote ): dont give up man. i will keep you in my thoughts no matter what you do, but id rather have a positive memory of you :/

I know its very overwhelming to see how far behind you are everyone else in life, and how much work there is to do to catch up or atleast progress, but take it a step at a time. day by day, baby steps. im pretty much in the same boat as you, let me tell you life is not a race. life has no inherent meaning, just try to have fun, enjoy it and thats it
you dont have to achieve certain things at a certain age or time

Thank you very much for saying that. I really like you as a person, and it made me smile when you said life is not a race. I have to remember that if I choose to move forward.

In my brain, something bad happened. And it's not my fault entirely—a lot of it is the society I was born into as well.

But I wasn't intellectually curious, and I wasn't asking questions or introspecting whatsoever. I was going along with the sea of thought garbage that was being thrown my way in a community of people who weren't fucking bothering to explain any of it to me. I was a kid who slipped through the cracks of the education system and found myself utterly doomed. Doomed is the correct descriptive word—a perfect one, actually.

But I like myself; somewhat. After all of the shit I went through—I kinda like the person I became.

Not all the time. But if I do stick around, I have some cool aspects of myself that I'd like to share with others. And I'm really excited to meet other people who can ignite my soul spark and help me to love life again. Thank you for your words @Pidgeons_Sparrows

 

[cami]

better late then never my love. keep fighting, we're all with you. take care of yourself.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

Thank you very much for saying that. I really like you as a person, and it made me smile when you said life is not a race. I have to remember that if I choose to move forward.

In my brain, something bad happened. And it's not my fault entirely—a lot of it is the society I was born into as well.

But I wasn't intellectually curious, and I wasn't asking questions or introspecting whatsoever. I was going along with the sea of thought garbage that was being thrown my way in a community of people who weren't fucking bothering to explain any of it to me. I was a kid who slipped through the cracks of the education system and found myself utterly doomed. Doomed is the correct descriptive word—a perfect one, actually.

But I like myself; somewhat. After all of the shit I went through—I kinda like the person I became.

Not all the time. But if I do stick around, I have some cool aspects of myself that I'd like to share with others. And I'm really excited to meet other people who can ignite my soul spark and help me to love life again. Thank you for your words @Pidgeons_Sparrows

Im glad I could have such a positive impact on you (::::
take care man.

 

[Odahviing475]

Even though you're almost 30, some things are never too late to learn! There are many people who revisit their basic studies far later in life. You've already come so far, and spending time with you in Fall Guys and other activities is fun.

 

[fallintotheshadows]

Hi guys. It's been awhile since I've been on this website.

I tried going elsewhere—using a different online space to recover.

I actually felt like I was getting very far towards something new. A chapter of my life that might not be so sad. But I came back here today because it feels like once I started to really understand things; understand myself, and connect the dots, I realized that making up for lost time is going to be a nearly insurmountable task.

I'm frightened. I took the first tentative steps outside of my comfort zone and decided to try something new. I met so many new people, and started speaking in online voice chats. And I really came out of my shell in a way I'd never seen myself do before. It was so cool. I haven't had an actual good quality friend since I was 20 years old; and I'm 29 now. That was a 9-year gap in between connecting with anyone. And I use that word "connecting" because I did have coworkers I talked to at my job in my real life; but that's just people you interact with because you have to.

That high was quickly followed by a sense of devastation when I began to understand where my life is; and just how far I'm going to have to go in order to get to a place where I'm even going to be able to tolerate it.

I have nothing. And that's no exaggeration. I just don't have a structure or basis for anything in my life. I'm starting at square one again at age 30. Having to relearn things that most kids caught onto in their early adolescent years; like being able to talk to cashiers and bank tellers without getting nervous. And also knowing that the experiences I would have going forward will have a muted sense of victory or accomplishment to them. It would be akin to watching a man in a wheelchair cross the finish line long after the other racers have sprinted passed it 5 or 6 times already.

I want to express to this community that if something bad happens to me, I'm glad I got to be here. I'm glad I got to be a mod for a little bit, and that experience is what inspired me to even attempt to try new things in my real life and see if I could make something work.

I want to be realistic though. I've been a bit naive about recovery. I had no idea what it was going to entail—and when I hash out the finer details of what it is going to entail, my eyes glaze off into space and fog over with a weary sense of sadness.

I don't know if I can do it. I'm going to need a lot of help from a lot of people. I can't do it by myself; and unfortunately, once you reach adulthood you are expected to handle most things by yourself.

The prospect of actually trying to fix my life is completely overwhelming. There is too much lost time now, and I've uncovered traumas I didn't even know I had that are destroying any semblance of motivation that I can muster.

I want to ask if you guys will pray for me. Or keep me in your thoughts. That will always mean a lot coming from this community of people.

Also, I know this seems silly—but please have fun. I was always allowed to express myself as an internet coyote, but I never gave myself the permission to do that until I was here. Please express yourself, and have fun doing it.

I express myself as a furry in the online spaces I am in now, and I don't apologize for it. After years of suffering, I have earned the right to be a zany little furry spaztastic weirdo. I pray I can continue to do so for as long as I live.

And I really hope no one here has the intense social anxiety issues I have which prevent me from feeling like I can express myself at all. If you do, please don't be afraid. Don't ever apologize for being yourself. Know that people want to get to know you, and they'll feel happy to know you once they do. You don't have to stay in your box. I stayed in mine for far too long.

Hey question do you play vr chat? Because I feel like that's a good place for you since alot of furries are on it. I myself am one as well just don't use many avatars that are furries because i use a main avatar that I like from a game

 

[asian.neet]

Hey question do you play vr chat? Because I feel like that's a good place for you since alot of furries are on it. I myself am one as well just don't use many avatars that are furries because i use a main avatar that I like from a game

yeah a lot of furries play on it, used to play frequently before shit hit the fan but i still do on occasion with a furry group im a part of, just not active in the fandom as much anymore instead wasting away on this website

@Anxieyote vrchat is a go you can meet other furries there