Venting I'm ready.

[painfullypointless]

I am ready. I've damaged myself enough for pills and booze to kill me? maybe? I know that's on the list of the methods not to try but it seems more peaceful than SN for example, to me anyway.

Because of my weakened state the pills and booze OD should affect me more resulting in something ? IDK. If it doesn't work, I'll try again in worst shape, although I am in physical pain often as a result of all of this, it still seems more peaceful than most of the "peaceful" ways to go.

There's a lot of things I'm looking forward to in life but the ultimate sleep is one of them. I feel wrong for saying this and I feel wrong for sharing it. I'm even having second thoughts now, I don't really want to just give up, on the other hand, I really want to go.

Just have to clean up now, my space.. my belongings and all, for whenever the time comes.
I'm tired. I wish they never left. I wish I was a better person. So on the one hand, that's what's been keeping me going, wanting to change, wanting to get better, on the other hand however, the pain (mental/emotional) is starting to become unbearable again. I don't know how any of this is going to turn out.

Who knows.

 

[LostSoul1965]

Sorry for your pain and suffering but this has little to no chance to work and CTB. Sure you may feel sick,crappy,pass out and will vomit but die.....not much chance. OD's seldom work. There is a good resource thread on this. Try to read it. Has lot's of good info. Wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[painfullypointless]

Sorry for your pain and suffering but this has little to no chance to work and CTB. Sure you may feel sick,crappy,pass out and will vomit but die.....not much chance. OD's seldom work. There is a good resource thread on this. Try to read it. Has lot's of good info. Wish you the best in whatever you decide.

Thanks, I have read the thread and I am keen on finding out myself as it seems a lot more "peaceful" than the other ways, as well as that, it's the most accessible way for me, and the fact that my system is weakened i am prone to think that the effects of the OD would be more intense, being of bigger severity, causing greater respiratory depression ultimately resulting in my time to sleep ?

I have read study publications where older people OD'd on the same medication without booze and they ended up going primarily because of their weakened state, the LD50 decreased for them.

 

[__dystop1a__]

How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?
I tried using pills in the past, I don't think it will do anything, with pills it's very difficult to ctb. I remember going to the hospital several times to have a stomach lavage or to have a serum injected.

 

[painfullypointless]

How are you feeling? Are you doing okay?
I tried using pills in the past, I don't think it will do anything, with pills it's very difficult to ctb. I remember going to the hospital several times to have a stomach lavage or to have a serum injected.

Not good and not so well, thank you though, It is super late/early? I am expected to be somewhere in 4 hours and I haven't slept yet as well as everything else that's been on my mind and going on in my life this is not good. I really wouldn't like that, hate hospitals and stomach lavage sounds horrible.

 

[__dystop1a__]

Not good and not so well, thank you though, It is super late/early? I am expected to be somewhere in 4 hours and I haven't slept yet as well as everything else that's been on my mind and going on in my life this is not good. I really wouldn't like that, hate hospitals and stomach lavage sounds horrible.

I haven't slept anything at all either. It's 5:30 in the morning for me. I'm very sorry for you tbh, I really understand you. It feels horrible everything. I wouldn't and I'm not able to go anywhere anymore. I really can't either.
And yes, I was even in a state of shock from the gastric lavage tube, I don't recommend it at all.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find relief from suffering in what you decide.

 

[ssspadbye]

"I don't really want to just give up, on the other hand, I really want to go." - this is what I feel every day. Sometimes all day. For a long time.
I hope you and we all find the peace we need one way or another.

 

[painfullypointless]

"I don't really want to just give up, on the other hand, I really want to go." - this is what I feel every day. Sometimes all day. For a long time.
I hope you and we all find the peace we need one way or another.

I understand completely, it is also what I feel on a daily basis, I'm sorry you have to go through that. I also hope we will find peace, hopefully without going away.

 

[cookiecuttersarerad]

hey, whats up? keep updating us! hopefully youre not in any pain right now:(

 

[painfullypointless]

hey, whats up? keep updating us! hopefully youre not in any pain right now:(

Hey, I haven't done it yet, the dispensation of my medication has changed, I now get only enough for a day instead of a monthly supply so my plans of this method have sort of diminished... I am still drinking and chain smoking and perhaps I will have to resort to some other things. Have to say, I am not happy, dealing with a lot right now. Very occasionally I get internal pains, head and body, all through-out, this could be a result of many things, blunt trauma, alcohol/nicotine + drug abuse ?

 

[cookiecuttersarerad]

got it! maybe its kinda for the better you wont go with the pills method, especially judging from people's experiences with it. in any way, make sure to think through your decision man! sorry youre dealing with a lot right now, hopefully everything works out in the long run. wish you the best of luck and looking forward to hearing more from you here!

 

[Surai]

The amount of bliss to feel: "I am ready" a peace I hope all of us receive

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

The amount of bliss to feel: "I am ready" a peace I hope all of us receive

It's strange because I thought this today and I am just waiting for a window of time to not be disturbed but I have completed a do not resuscitate order w my drs signature and an advanced directive so my final wishes are clear also. I figure that should help me succeed in not being brought back If im found too soon.