I'm pushing my only friend away

[escapefromabuse]

I met this girl last year not long after my ex ripped my heart out for the last time. She's been a really good friend to me. She's known how hard I've struggled with the fallout from everything that's happened in the last 12 months. She's seen me at my lowest points and has always tried so hard to help in any way she can. She's insisting on being there for me. Yet, I'm pushing her away. I don't want her help, or sympathy, or her comfort. She wants me to come over tonight. My answer: No. Please leave me alone.

 

[HelensNepenthe]

Then you tell her an excuse of why you can't show up? There's nothing more complicated than this. Although I think it's one of the best things is to have an always supportive friend. Genuinely speaking, don't lose her. You'll want one last time to talk with your friend.

 

[escapefromabuse]

Then you tell her an excuse of why you can't show up? There's nothing more complicated than this. Although I think it's one of the best things is to have an always supportive friend. Genuinely speaking, don't lose her. You'll want one last time to talk with your friend.

Yeah she's a good girl with a big heart. But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I don't feel any more hope. I'm just done.

 

[Egddios]

Yeah she's a good girl with a big heart. But I think I've finally gotten to the point where I don't feel any more hope. I'm just done.

Once you're at the bottom (lose hope), it becomes increasingly difficult to hang onto whatever friendships/relationships you have. At least, that's how it's been for me. I cut myself off from just about everyone over the last 4 years. I have a partner and he's aware of my thoughts/plans to end my life yet, I don't think he realizes how serious I am. Maybe it's his own defense mechanism? Who knows? I realize and try empathize with him - of course he doesn't want to lose someone he loves, etc. I don't think my psychiatrist even knows how serious and close I am. He decided I was stable enough to see every 3 months instead of every month. Our next appt is 4/2, and it's strange to think I won't be here at that point.

I guess I can wear the mask well. But, it's exhausting.

 

[140 bpm]

If you have at least one friend, who cares about you, knows your shit and trying to help you, maybe it's still not the worst scenario and you just can let her do it?

I wish I had one like that.