Hello, I have found where to buy the SN, I have the cash ready for the antiemetics too, I just wanted to spill out somewhere that I am extremely close to doing it. The consequences for my anorexia are permanent, so it honestly just feels like I cannot keep living like this, not that I, as a person, don't deserve life, or to enjoy it, or to have friends (yes i cut them all off) but rather, I feel like this is a duty, it was specially weird because of the backlash this site has gotten, most suicide prevention appeals to the fact that given the right circumstances you could find a reason not to kill yourself, not my case. This literally can not get better for me, even if I had all the cash in world, loving or unloving parents let them be responsible or irresponsible, friends or not, love or not, I wanted to state my case, that I can't and won't get better, that I have to live like this forever for getting a mental illness while I was a young boy. It is not ok for me to keep living.
