Help I'm over controlled and can't use my SN

[shame]

I'm so desperate. I have everything ready, but my parents never leave me on my own. I'm ill and house bounded. Everyday my mom reproaches me for how miserable I am in my 28. Guys, I can't endure every hour of my existence. "You are a pure shit", "You should have your own children by now", "The whole family suffers because of you". These words I hear every day like a mantra. She knows about my suicidality, but keeps to repeat that.
I used to be pretty successful, but know I'm just nothing. Nothing. So much pain. It's too much for one.

I've already thought to add some mirtazapine to their food in the evening. So that I could take a chance in case it'll be noise. God. I know it's crazy..
What should I do?
Or escape from home..
Or jumping from window of my apartment..

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

If you have access to any money you could rent a P.O Box, so that what you buy isn't send directly to you're house. Though you'd need transportation to physically get to the P.O Box.

That's what I Intend to do, order my equipment online, and send it to my P.O, and pick it up later, and store it in my car. Though the thing preventing me from doing it yet is my lack of money & Transportation.

 

[SVEN]

How frustrating is this ! Everything ready and to hand and you're trapped like this. Sorry I can't suggest any quick way out, just wish you an opportunity and send my best wishes.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you eventually find peace from the suffering, to me that sounds like a really horrible situation, it's so cruel to me how people suffer so much in this existence.