Venting Im old, its already too late to be fixed. I hate having to exist.

[todeswunsch]

Sorry its me venting again. I'm too sad rn, needed to put it out.

Even if I get better what would I do? I've already lost my life, now its just a lonely path to death regardless.
Will I just get better in order to work and pay some bills? Why work if there's nothing more left for me?

All I can remember of life is suffering. Seeing others doing things I can't. Being bullied. Being different and don't understanding why.
Never understood what I was doing wrong, but I knew I was the wrong.
I've tried my best. I really did. I was good to everyone. I worked hard to accomplish things.
But I was still the lazy and the rude. The weird and unlovable.
I was born ugly and weird. I am a freak that no one wants to get near.
I need to fake who I am to get some affection, but the fake affection don't do much.

I've boldly run to find happiness. I've grown old. I never seen such a thing. If even there is such a thing. Which I now doubt.
I've lost my life and I think it didn't worth living to now. I also don't think it will worth living more.
I just want this to be gone. I want to be gone.

I don't want to remember my past, nor think of the pathetic future that awaits for me.
I don't want to be here in the present either. I just don't want to exist. Never wanted.
Have I been born just to suffer? Is that it?

Curse, curse, curse, a thousand curses to the one that created what we call existence.
Release me from this curse we call life.
I don't want to suffer anymore. I just want to be gone...
If only it was easier to CTB...

 

[Morte]

how old are you?

 

[FuneralCry]

I've also never wished to exist, it's horrible to me how we cannot just choose to permanently escape from all the suffering in peace. It certainly should be easier to ctb, it's really understandable just wishing to be gone. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[carnivalforone]

just turned 19 and the reality of it all is crushing

 

[todeswunsch]

how old are you?

I'm almost 29

I've also never wished to exist, it's horrible to me how we cannot just choose to permanently escape from all the suffering in peace. It certainly should be easier to ctb, it's really understandable just wishing to be gone. But anyway I wish you the best.

Thank you FC, it means a lot. Hope we'll find peace someday

just turned 19 and the reality of it all is crushing

When I was 17 I already knew it, but decided to try more 10 years or so just to conclude what I've already knew. Reality is such a whore. I hope you to see better days

 

[Morte]

I'm almost 29

The early 20s already determinates the person you will be for the rest of your life because brain wont develop further since you are past puberty; You won't get smarter because people reach the peak of their performance curve at 25 and it just starts to decline through the years. Reaching that age without nothing means that everything is over.

 

[ForeverBroken]

The early 20s already determinates the person you will be for the rest of your life because brain wont develop further since you are past puberty; You won't get smarter because people reach the peak of their performance curve at 25 and it just starts to decline through the years. Reaching that age without nothing means that everything is over.

I'm sorry but I disagree with this. Respectfully. I'm 55 and think that I'm fairly smart. I've always done well in any classes that I've taken. I'm currently taking classes for a biochemistry degree. Your brain may not develop any further after late 20's but that does not mean you can't further your intellect. It's up to you. Life does not end when you reach 30.

 

[Morte]

I'm sorry but I disagree with this. Respectfully. I'm 55 and think that I'm fairly smart. I've always done well in any classes that I've taken. I'm currently taking classes for a biochemistry degree. Your brain may not develop any further after late 20's but that does not mean you can't further your intellect. It's up to you. Life does not end when you reach 30.

you just proving my point by stating "I've always done well in any classes that I've taken."which is exactly what I'm saying here. You didn't start being good at classes at the age you are now, you already had that skill from a young age, like always.

My point is not that life ends when you reach 30, but rather thats the peak of your potential , that you will carry for the rest of your life. If you've made it past 20 without any achievements or skills, it's very likely you will be a loser until the end of your days.

Just research for yourself, most successful people already had several achievements in their youth. What they achieved in their old age is nothing more than the fruit from the talent they had during their youth.

 

[ForeverBroken]

you just proving my point by stating "I've always done well in any classes that I've taken."which is exactly what I'm saying here. You didn't start being good at classes at the age you are now, you already had that skill from a young age, like always.

My point is not that life ends when you reach 30, but rather thats the peak of your potential , that you will carry for the rest of your life. If you've made it past 20 without any achievements or skills, it's very likely you will be a loser until the end of your days.

Just research for yourself, most successful people already had several achievements in their youth. What they achieved in their old age is nothing more than the fruit from the talent they had during their youth.

I appreciate your stance, I really do, but I still stand by the fact that anyone can do anything at any age if they are determined enough. Maybe I'm naive but that's how I feel.