Venting i'm nothing outside of my misery

[nails]

i think i've already vented about how i exhaust all of the people close to me with my constant venting. most of my close friends ignore me and avoid me now, and i don't blame them. after i realize that someone's getting exhausted, i just stop venting to them; but that doesn't even help the situation. they still end up ignoring me and drifting away. i've stopped venting altogether now so i can avoid these issues, and now i just feel so lonely, it hurts.

i never have anything to talk about. i can never think of anything to say. nothing interests me anymore, all i think about is ctb so talking about anything other than how much i hate living feels like an impossible task for me. my former passions, interests, and motivations are pretty much gone, my personality is basically dead. i just want to die completely, i don't care about those things anymore.

i feel like i'm only known for being suicidal and depressed. i've planned ctb then dropped it, failed attempts, and constantly talked about ending my life. it's lost all meaning to the people close to me, which is my fault. certain topics stop feeling serious when they're mentioned in every conversation; but i can't find anything else to talk about. i try to be positive and sometimes even talk about the things that the other person likes, but it never really goes anywhere.
i can't wait for this to end, even if i'll forever be known as a depressing smudge to all of the people close to me. i feel so alone, this life is so exhausting.

 

[TheHolySword]

I'm so sorry you have lived with so much suffering. I wish life could always be happy and kind and warm for everyone. I hope that you are able to find your peace

 

[attheend13]

i think i've already vented about how i exhaust all of the people close to me with my constant venting. most of my close friends ignore me and avoid me now, and i don't blame them. after i realize that someone's getting exhausted, i just stop venting to them; but that doesn't even help the situation. they still end up ignoring me and drifting away. i've stopped venting altogether now so i can avoid these issues, and now i just feel so lonely, it hurts.

i never have anything to talk about. i can never think of anything to say. nothing interests me anymore, all i think about is ctb so talking about anything other than how much i hate living feels like an impossible task for me. my former passions, interests, and motivations are pretty much gone, my personality is basically dead. i just want to die completely, i don't care about those things anymore.

i feel like i'm only known for being suicidal and depressed. i've planned ctb then dropped it, failed attempts, and constantly talked about ending my life. it's lost all meaning to the people close to me, which is my fault. certain topics stop feeling serious when they're mentioned in every conversation; but i can't find anything else to talk about. i try to be positive and sometimes even talk about the things that the other person likes, but it never really goes anywhere.
i can't wait for this to end, even if i'll forever be known as a depressing smudge to all of the people close to me. i feel so alone, this life is so exhausting.

This is a good place to vent. I hear you on exhausting everyone around you. There's two choices; vent and drive people away or drown in the sorrow and lock it inside. Both hurt so intensely it feels like death should come behind it. Like how can you hurt so deeply without any relief and that pain isn't of itself deadly? Life is exhausting you're right, and meaningless. Life is for the the chosen few.