Venting Im not trying to expose anyone on here so i will be hiding the names. But like this made me feel very bad and i just want to vent

[jawdropped123]

2 years ago i wrote this post: "Ive already asked this question before but im feeling unwell i need to ask again. If you had a condition that made you smell so bad but the condition will never go away and the smell is so strong that no one want to be around you and you will have the condition for the rest of your life. Would you kill yourself? Please be honest i want to hard truth. I wont be offended."
I know i asked for the hard truth and i said i wouldnt be offended but i was just trying to see if my reason for suicide at the time was valid. And the responces i got really broke me. And again i know i ask for the harsh truth. Im not blaming anyone for there respons, but it just got me very emotional.

Even tho im still in a really bad place since june of last year i tried to hang myself but i was also psychotic so the things that i told my therapist was worrying her so i got send to a mental hospital. And since the day i came out of the hospital i havent been on this site. So its been nearly two years that i posted this. And i was looking at the posts i made and cringing, but i came across this one and it got me really emotional. Im 23 now and im starting to get suicidal again for the same reason. My therapist still dont know about anything and i feel stupid about it because ive had a therapist for 3 years and still cant be honest even tho i like her. I wish you all well.

 

[mellie5]

tbh really really honest with you, I myself personally would not ctb for smelling bad, it's other people's problem and if I eventually one day somehow have money and power they will forget the smell and try to please me. Ik sounds psychopathic but you asked :-)

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm not sure what you want here? I mean were those the only responses you received? Or, were the ones you attached just the only ones you focused on? I don't know your condition, or the cause, and I'm not saying you're wrong, nor am I intending to diminsh in any way your condition, but there a very few things that are "never". Maybe there's a solution and you just haven't discovered it, yet, or have found the right provider to solve it for you? I didn't have what you have, but years ago I had something going on and went to doctor after doctor after doctor, like 8 of them, until I finally got lucky and found one who recognized what was going on, because he had seen it before, and he solved the issue fairly easily, when none of the others could.

Truthfully, posting a question asking for honest, open responses, may not be the best idea if you're in such a fragile state as to be unable to handle the OPINIONS that others might post.

I hope you can get your concerns sorted out.

 

[jawdropped123]

tbh really really honest with you, I myself personally would not ctb for smelling bad, it's other people's problem and if I eventually one day somehow have money and power they will forget the smell and try to please me. Ik sounds psychopathic but you asked :-)

Its not only the smell its the isolation that comes with it. Its the fact that im a girl. Its people pulling away. Laughing at you talking behind your back staring at you. Its easy to say when you dont suffer from this that you wouldmt CBT. But after 12 years you might start thinking about it

I'm not sure what you want here? I mean were those the only responses you received? Or, were the ones you attached just the only ones you focused on? I don't know your condition, or the cause, and I'm not saying you're wrong, nor am I intending to diminsh in any way your condition, but there a very few things that are "never". Maybe there's a solution and you just haven't discovered it, yet, or have found the right provider to solve it for you? I didn't have what you have, but years ago I had something going on and went to doctor after doctor after doctor, like 8 of them, until I finally got lucky and found one who recognized what was going on, because he had seen it before, and he solved the issue fairly easily, when none of the others could.

Truthfully, posting a question asking for honest, open responses, may not be the best idea if you're in such a fragile state as to be unable to handle the OPINIONS that others might post.

I hope you can get your concerns sorted out.

This condition doesnt go away there is no cure. And again in my post i said that im not blaming anyone and i just got emotional im not trying to have people attack me on here im just sharing what im feeling. Im aloud to feel some type of way about other peoples response after 2 years even tho i asked for it. Again im just venting not complaining.
I want to clarify again that i know i asked for peoples OPINION and im allowed ro feel some type of way about it after 2 years. Telling me i shouldve doesnt help because its been 2 YEARS.

 

[Apathy79]

Yeah as a hermit this would probably not affect me significantly. But if you're the extroverted type who likes hanging out with people, I imagine life would be very difficult. It depends how much you enjoy the isolation I suppose. For me, I vastly prefer it to contact with people. But for many people, it can be unbearable.

 

[Dopamine_Junkie44]

Also you say there is no cure. Can you make that: "There is no cure yet."?

If you open up to specialists you might be the one to make people find a cure. And that might help other people live a better life...

And after covid there are people with permanent loss of the sense of smell. Not trying to be funny. Just trying to make your horizon a little broader and allow for hope to find you again.

 

[wisteria3]

It's so valid to both want/need to know the hard truth but also be very distressed when you hear something you don't want to hear. It doesn't mean you were wrong to ask in the first place. And you're self aware enough to not blame the people who responded honestly, even though it's a natural reaction to get angry. It shows maturity. I wouldn't listen to the criticism here.

Keep in mind that you asked this question to people who are already suicidal. I bet if you asked the same question to average/happy people, very few would say that your condition would make them suicidal. There are always ways to adapt and be able to connect with others, and non-suicidal people would likely seek out those ways and adapt. You can too, if you think life is worth the effort.

 

[EyesOfNight]

Keep in mind that you asked this question to people who are already suicidal.

This is very important to keep in mind. Some people here already have some form of struggle and already don't want to deal with it(myself included). Imagining to have another issue on top of that just tips the scale.

@jawdropped123 I can imagine why this hits so hard. It's something personal and getting answers like this can feel like an insult. I'm sorry life has dealt you those cards.

 

[mellie5]

there are a couple of metabolic diseases that actually cause people to have a bad smell because they lack an enzyme.

Still, I myself would not ctb for that, you say you feel isolated. I wouldn't mind smelling bad. And I mean one can look attractive and be interesting while smelling bad. And as someone said, some people can have a better sense of smell than others. For instance, I can't smell the plant people smoke, cannabis sativa. I only could smell that once, when somebody dropped in a legal setting a small legal bottle of very expensive and very concentrated oil. Also sometimes re: food idk if some smells mean it's gone bad or that's how it should smell.

tbh also I ask myself how really bad the smell is, because you wrote you have been psychotic and this means having a false perception of reality. A lot is possible.

Sometimes I myself was convinced that I smell bad - imagine being directly active 24 hours, getting sweaty then go to a meeting, like a surgeon after a very long operation. I even asked but people said no, lol.

Don't worry about cringe posts of 2 years ago, everyone has cringe posts of 2 years ago somewhere :-)

But smells are subjective - certain manly smells seem disgusting to some, but are attractive to others, same for certain female smells. Some smells bring good memories, some don't. It is all relative :-)

 

[jawdropped123]

Yeah as a hermit this would probably not affect me significantly. But if you're the extroverted type who likes hanging out with people, I imagine life would be very difficult. It depends how much you enjoy the isolation I suppose. For me, I vastly prefer it to contact with people. But for many people, it can be unbearable.

Im introverted but still want friends and someone i love. Even tho i need my alone time i still crave these things like most people

It's so valid to both want/need to know the hard truth but also be very distressed when you hear something you don't want to hear. It doesn't mean you were wrong to ask in the first place. And you're self aware enough to not blame the people who responded honestly, even though it's a natural reaction to get angry. It shows maturity. I wouldn't listen to the criticism here.

Keep in mind that you asked this question to people who are already suicidal. I bet if you asked the same question to average/happy people, very few would say that your condition would make them suicidal. There are always ways to adapt and be able to connect with others, and non-suicidal people would likely seek out those ways and adapt. You can too, if you think life is worth the effort.

I really like your response thank you!

there are a couple of metabolic diseases that actually cause people to have a bad smell because they lack an enzyme.

Still, I myself would not ctb for that, you say you feel isolated. I wouldn't mind smelling bad. And I mean one can look attractive and be interesting while smelling bad. And as someone said, some people can have a better sense of smell than others. For instance, I can't smell the plant people smoke, cannabis sativa. I only could smell that once, when somebody dropped in a legal setting a small legal bottle of very expensive and very concentrated oil. Also sometimes re: food idk if some smells mean it's gone bad or that's how it should smell.

tbh also I ask myself how really bad the smell is, because you wrote you have been psychotic and this means having a false perception of reality. A lot is possible.

Sometimes I myself was convinced that I smell bad - imagine being directly active 24 hours, getting sweaty then go to a meeting, like a surgeon after a very long operation. I even asked but people said no, lol.

Don't worry about cringe posts of 2 years ago, everyone has cringe posts of 2 years ago somewhere :-)

But smells are subjective - certain manly smells seem disgusting to some, but are attractive to others, same for certain female smells. Some smells bring good memories, some don't. It is all relative :-)

Ive also always wondered if im loosing my mind or if this is actually real like people also stare at me constantly and i have my own believes of why they do but ive been on anti psychotics before. Cant say the thoughts went away but it didnt bother me. I was also only taking 2.5 mg so maybe it wasnt enough to get rid of thought. When i was younger i use to think people could smell me thru the tv. I know funny. But that was definitely something else

 

[hopeless08]

2 years ago i wrote this post: "Ive already asked this question before but im feeling unwell i need to ask again. If you had a condition that made you smell so bad but the condition will never go away and the smell is so strong that no one want to be around you and you will have the condition for the rest of your life. Would you kill yourself? Please be honest i want to hard truth. I wont be offended."
I know i asked for the hard truth and i said i wouldnt be offended but i was just trying to see if my reason for suicide at the time was valid. And the responces i got really broke me. And again i know i ask for the harsh truth. Im not blaming anyone for there respons, but it just got me very emotional.

Even tho im still in a really bad place since june of last year i tried to hang myself but i was also psychotic so the things that i told my therapist was worrying her so i got send to a mental hospital. And since the day i came out of the hospital i havent been on this site. So its been nearly two years that i posted this. And i was looking at the posts i made and cringing, but i came across this one and it got me really emotional. Im 23 now and im starting to get suicidal again for the same reason. My therapist still dont know about anything and i feel stupid about it because ive had a therapist for 3 years and still cant be honest even tho i like her. I wish you all well.

I honestly think only you can decide if it's worth ctbing over…More then the smell, I certainly get the isolation part of it and that alone, is very painful eventually, not having a social life and feeling so lonely.
I'm also in complete isolation and hate myself.
Have you seen several doctors for the issue with your odor? Maybe one can eventually find the source of the problem and have a solution, then everything in your life would change so I suggest exhausting all possibilities, in terms of going to doctors.
And what does your therapist say about this, has she suggested any options or solutions to the problem?

 

[Esokabat]

Just my opinion:
If you have an incurable condition, I would actually name that condition, especially due to the fact that the site is anonymous.
There might be thousands that come across your post and those people know other thousands of people. Sometimes it is good to open up things to the mind of "humanity", a sort of crowdsourcing larger intelligence. Maybe it will not be your case, but I have seen people in various health forums that cured incurable diseases by discovering certain protocols. Some even documented their protocol and got followers and other people also healed following the same protocol. Just a simple example is Crohn's disease, traditionally incurable, medication can help with symptoms but not root cause, and yet people managed to heal themselves using certain protocols. Same with diabetes type 1, thought to be absolutely 100% incurable, but under certain circumstances some people were able to cure it with a very strict protocol. (I will not even mention diabetes 2 as almost everyone now knows that it is reversible with certain protocols, but for many decades, it was thought to be irreversible)
These are people who did not got healing from medications, nor doctors. Sometimes there is great intelligence when thousands of people try to solve the same problem.
I myself was born with a serious disease that is considered absolutely incurable. I spent many years in hospitals as a child, receiving treatment. After many years in hospital, I somehow got cured from an incurable disease and I remember sharing the information during medical screening in elementary school, and the doctor very passionately told me that it is absolutely not possible that I had that disease, I must have been misdiagnosed, as nobody gets cured from it. But I was not misdiagnosed, I was under treatment by many Senior hospital doctors over many years, I even lived in the hospital at one point. So I definitely was not misdiagnosed.
You are still very young, you don't know what can be healed 10,years from now. For example, few years ago, it was widely accepted that if you went blind from glaucoma, you will never see again. There was just no medical technology to reverse the issue. Now, we still cannot reverse it, but scientists think that they found the technology and animal trials could potentially start in 10,years. So science went from 100% incurable, to now having a hypothetical solution with animal trials starting within 10 years if all goes well.
This is obviously not medical advice.

 

[anhedonya]

It's honestly crazy that you're rightfully upset about the fact that people told you, to your face, away from all common courtesy and social kindness, that they'd kill themselves if they were you- and people are mad and confused because you got a little better from the psychotic state and realized these were cruel comments. Like, if your friend asks you guys "do I look fat in this dress" do you seriously say yes? Jesus. You have every right to think these comments were hurtful and aided in you harming yourself/prolonging your suffering. Medical issues are not a death sentence and there's MANY ways to treat the condition you're talking about. Not cure, true, but treat and manage. I'd be pretty upset if someone looked me in the face and said "wow, you're so fat and ugly, I'd kill myself if I were you. Woah why are you upset??? You asked me for an honest opinion???". It's called using common sense, basic manners, common courtesy, and extending kindness to those who deserve it (meaning they have done nothing to wrong you). Why anyone would say this stuff to you 2 years ago or now is beyond me. I'm sorry you had to see that grotesque commentary about yourself.

 

[jawdropped123]

It's honestly crazy that you're rightfully upset about the fact that people told you, to your face, away from all common courtesy and social kindness, that they'd kill themselves if they were you- and people are mad and confused because you got a little better from the psychotic state and realized these were cruel comments. Like, if your friend asks you guys "do I look fat in this dress" do you seriously say yes? Jesus. You have every right to think these comments were hurtful and aided in you harming yourself/prolonging your suffering. Medical issues are not a death sentence and there's MANY ways to treat the condition you're talking about. Not cure, true, but treat and manage. I'd be pretty upset if someone looked me in the face and said "wow, you're so fat and ugly, I'd kill myself if I were you. Woah why are you upset??? You asked me for an honest opinion???". It's called using common sense, basic manners, common courtesy, and extending kindness to those who deserve it (meaning they have done nothing to wrong you). Why anyone would say this stuff to you 2 years ago or now is beyond me. I'm sorry you had to see that grotesque commentary about yourself.

Honestly can you read...i literally said im dont take it personal and im not offended by the comments. I said that it hurt. Girl delete your comment you sound stupid...

 

[anhedonya]

I definitely can read considering you made it pretty clear those comments did hurt you & you did feel it personally but if you'd rather nobody defended you then by all means. I'll leave you be

 

[halleyscomet]

Honestly can you read...i literally said im dont take it personal and im not offended by the comments. I said that it hurt. Girl delete your comment you sound stupid...

Why are you being so rude to someone who was offering you empathy and perspective? @anhedonya was clearly empathising with how hurt you must of felt, and validating that you have the right to be upset. Your behaviour baffles me. You state that you were hurt by those comments and when someone defends your right to be hurt you call them stupid?

I really do sympathise with your situation and wish you all the best, but I just don't understand why you responded like that.

 

[mellie5]

Why are you being so rude to someone who was offering you empathy and perspective? @anhedonya was clearly empathising with how hurt you must of felt, and validating that you have the right to be upset. Your behaviour baffles me. You state that you were hurt by those comments and when someone defends your right to be hurt you call them stupid?

I really do sympathise with your situation and wish you all the best, but I just don't understand why you responded like that.

neither do I. Misunderstanding perhaps?

 

[jawdropped123]

neither do I. Misunderstanding perhaps?

Yes i misunderstood the comment. I have a bad habit of not reading things properly and fully so i just thought she was attacking me

Why are you being so rude to someone who was offering you empathy and perspective? @anhedonya was clearly empathising with how hurt you must of felt, and validating that you have the right to be upset. Your behaviour baffles me. You state that you were hurt by those comments and when someone defends your right to be hurt you call them stupid?

I really do sympathise with your situation and wish you all the best, but I just don't understand why you responded like that.

Yes i didnt read the comment fully. Alot of times i read things half way without really understanding what the person is trying to say.

I definitely can read considering you made it pretty clear those comments did hurt you & you did feel it personally but if you'd rather nobody defended you then by all means. I'll leave you be

Yes im sorry. I have trouble reading things fully sometimes, i only read the sentence have way and i thought you where attacking me so my bad. Have a nice day.

 

[Rubypie41]

First of all, I would like to say I'm so sorry you have this condition, you have my deepest sympathy.

Putting myself in your shoes I can imagine how life impacting this could be. It's probably not so much the smell but the way you are treated, reacted to, the social isolation, self consciousness and way it makes you feel that causes the suicidal thoughts.

It's also the lack of understanding from people as they won't know you have a medical condition causing you to smell, so the assumption from people is that you smell bad and have poor hygiene, which is not true in your case.

I remember working in a call centre years ago and someone in the team requested to be moved seats from someone in the office as they said they smelt. The person found out the reason why the other person requested to be moved away which really upset him as he had no idea that he smelled. He was extremely self conscious after that and his confidence dented.

It's how you are viewed by society and how you are treated that's making you feel the way you do, and I can totally understand how upsetting that must be for you.

I'd imagine you're worried and self conscious wherever you go, when your stood next to someone talking to them, sat next to anyone etc. People don't think broadly enough about the profound impact this can have on someone's mental state.

Is there literally nothing you can do to disguise the smell, like putting on shit loads of deodorant and perfume?

I'm sure you have already but you need to explore every possibility of ways to disguise the smell, or seek specialist treatment. I would do absolutely everything possible to get rid of the problem, or at least find ways to mask it before contemplating CBT.

I wish you all the best.

Here if you need to vent

 

[jawdropped123]

First of all, I would like to say I'm so sorry you have this condition, you have my deepest sympathy.

Putting myself in your shoes I can imagine how life impacting this could be. It's probably not so much the smell but the way you are treated, reacted to, the social isolation, self consciousness and way it makes you feel that causes the suicidal thoughts.

It's also the lack of understanding from people as they won't know you have a medical condition causing you to smell, so the assumption from people is that you smell bad and have poor hygiene, which is not true in your case.

I remember working in a call centre years ago and someone in the team requested to be moved seats from someone in the office as they said they smelt. The person found out the reason why the other person requested to be moved away which really upset him as he had no idea that he smelled. He was extremely self conscious after that and his confidence dented.

It's how you are viewed by society and how you are treated that's making you feel the way you do, and I can totally understand how upsetting that must be for you.

I'd imagine you're worried and self conscious wherever you go, when your stood next to someone talking to them, sat next to anyone etc. People don't think broadly enough about the profound impact this can have on someone's mental state.

Is there literally nothing you can do to disguise the smell, like putting on shit loads of deodorant and perfume?

I'm sure you have already but you need to explore every possibility of ways to disguise the smell, or seek specialist treatment. I would do absolutely everything possible to get rid of the problem, or at least find ways to mask it before contemplating CBT.

I wish you all the best.

Here if you need to vent

Thanks for your comment.
I shower twice a day brush my teeth extremely well floss everyday and use mouthwash. I bought this thing from amazon called sweatblock with stops me from sweating which helps for only the sweating putting on perfume will not mask the smell but make it worst because now your smelling two smells together and its gonna be way worst so when i shower i use scentless soap. Ive also been to the doktor and dentist none of them can really help me.