I'm not equipped to handle adult life.

[tinymoon]

I was worried about it as a teenager and now, in my late-20s, I have strong evidence that I cannot handle full-time work. I fly from job to job - with the longest being six months, a good track for me - and I've wracked up debt in the meantime. I present well: I'm personable, intelligent, capable. However, when I'm at a single job for more than a month I start feeling the urge to flee or kill myself, so I flee, find something else, and the cycle repeats. I decided to go back to grad school last fall to see if that would help, but after some horrible feedback from a professor who could decide to out me from the program if she so desired I'm questioning if I should even be here, especially as it makes me incur even more student debt. I look at working full-time again but I don't have reason to think it'll be different; my anxiety simply prevents me from working. It's nearly impossible for me to complete tasks and every single thing sparks worry and panic. I'm not built for this life and I see no way out of this but death, I'm exhausted of making horrific decisions and feeling financially insecure. I don't want to die but it may be the only option for me.

 

[chr74]

do you think you might be more suited to working from home or is that something you thought about or tried already?

 

[tinymoon]

do you think you might be more suited to working from home or is that something you thought about or tried already?

Working at home is better suited for me, yes, and I managed to have one position that was hybrid remote but I ended up leaving it because it required a great deal of confrontation (think something in the legal field) and my anxiety got to be too much to bear. I've tried going to therapy and taking medication for said anxiety, but that wasn't effective after years of going and I don't even have money for it now. It's definitely gotten better lately, so I'm tempted to say this isn't a hopeless situation, but I've dug myself into such a big financial hole and I'm not sure if I can get out, or if I should stay in grad school or begin working again. I'm sorry for the word vomit, I'm in a very emotional state.

 

[unplug]

I also go through this vicious cycle of job after job. It's just a means to an end.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

That's the main reason CTB'ing, I know that an adult life with mental problems will be much more harder and suffering. I got away with a lot in my teens and child years and thats only because I was young and cared for, the people who will actually care for me in the adult years will be close to zero.

 

[Source Energy]

I hear you with switching jobs after jobs. I used to change them like earrings - nothing longer than 3 months. Then I found this one and this was it. You just have to keep looking until you find the right place.

 

[Riu]

I understand. I feel a bit of the same way, to be honest. It's hard when you want to do something, but your brain and body just say "no". I try to tell the people around me, but sometimes it's hard to get them to really understand just how difficult it is at times. I have so many dreams, and I'm afraid they will never come true because of this disorder. I'm just trying to hang in there, but some days are really tough. I hope you hang in there too, and that life gets better for you.

 

[Tobacco]

I'm currently unemployed. I feel like if I can't get a good job I'll just think of ctb all the time.

 

[brainkiller]

adult life is a terrible thing and i wouldn't wish it on even my worst enemies.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really does sound tiring being trapped in that situation, I think it's true that not everyone is meant for existing and that there is no real relief from suffering in this world. Life certainly is just endless problems all for no benefit, all that we are destined for is to decay from age.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I don't think many people are suited for this life. They just try to bear the pain of it as best they can. I'm not suited for it. That's why I'm choosing to terminate. Whatever you choose, just be clear on what you want. It reads like you already are.

 

[deadhead12!]

I was worried about it as a teenager and now, in my late-20s, I have strong evidence that I cannot handle full-time work. I fly from job to job - with the longest being six months, a good track for me - and I've wracked up debt in the meantime. I present well: I'm personable, intelligent, capable. However, when I'm at a single job for more than a month I start feeling the urge to flee or kill myself, so I flee, find something else, and the cycle repeats. I decided to go back to grad school last fall to see if that would help, but after some horrible feedback from a professor who could decide to out me from the program if she so desired I'm questioning if I should even be here, especially as it makes me incur even more student debt. I look at working full-time again but I don't have reason to think it'll be different; my anxiety simply prevents me from working. It's nearly impossible for me to complete tasks and every single thing sparks worry and panic. I'm not built for this life and I see no way out of this but death, I'm exhausted of making horrific decisions and feeling financially insecure. I don't want to die but it may be the only option for me.

i'm in a similar situation. you're not alone.