Venting I’m not a good person.

[LunarCharm]

I'm not a good person.

try to be. I really do. I help others when they need it, I'm a shoulder to cry on, I listen when people talk and I go out of my way to do kind things for others.

But I always end up hurting someone, I always end up saying something I don't mean or phrasing something wrong or simply doing something without the intention of harm but it still results in it anyways.
etc etc, of course.

my last boyfriend broke up with me because I was horrible for his mental health, I hurt him.
I've lost friends because of the same reasons as well.
I'm just not a good person at my core no matter how much kindness I show when mindful, it's always the things that in general I just do without thinking, that hurt others and causes them to leave.
and apologizing never fixes it, and yet when I ask how I can fix the issue and make up for the things I do, what I need of change because I don't even fully understand where my issue is due to it always being unintentional, I don't get an answer.
I get told there's nothing I can do about it.
, and to not worry about it.

I just feel useless, I feel worthless, I feel like I don't deserve to be around people when all I do is hurt them.
I wish I could be a good person.
maybe if I was, my ex wouldn't be my ex, and maybe I would still have so many friends who left me.

 

[Sivrit]

I don't think anyone is; everyone is just human.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Humans are not inherently good people. We are prone to flaws that lead to selfishness and hurting one another.

Unfortunately, existence does not exclusively comprise moments of jubilation and festivity; there are obstacles that demand thoughtful contemplation and successful resolution.

The best we can do is improve our communication skills and maintain an open mind with one another. Learn how to persuade others to meet your immediate needs and then reciprocate.

Just remember that the more people you hurt, the more you must move on. This creates an unstable and emotionally dysregulated environment for you, making mental illness unbearable.

Learn how to negotiate with others to reach a compromise. If you take something, pay it forward when the opportunity arises to keep your life balanced.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I feel the same. I recommend trying to look back on conversations you have and pick one thing you said that hurt someone, and then spend a week or so thinking of what you can say instead in that moment. then soon you'll stop saying a bunch of hurtful things. I know it's easier said than done, but I just wanted to offer some advice because I know how awful it feels thinking you can't stop hurting everyone around you.

 

[born_borken]

You are not a bad person until you intentionally hurt others.
I am in a similar situation, except I understood what is wrong with me, and understand that I can't change it. Which is a big part of why I am here.
I tell you this so you know you are not alone in this.

But that doesn't mean you are doomed too. I don't know your age, but the fact that you listen and believe what others are telling you about your shortcomings means you have a lot of hope to learn and improve. With self-reflection, self-awareness and the motivation we can feel through your post, I am sure you can overcome your relationships issues.

Moreover, I took for granted what you just wrote. But it is also possible that some people in your life are simply not very patient or comprehensive.
Actually, it is probably a mix of your difficulties and theirs. Which is why Little_suzy advices on balancing your needs and those of others are very good.