Discussion I’m new here but would like to get to know people

[holly1222]

So I'm fairly new but I was using this forum for a bit as a guest and just didn't click to make an account. I'd like to get to know people and chat. I've spent most of this year so far in psych wards but got kicked out 2 weeks ago. I didn't use SS whilst inside because I felt safe and supported in there. Now I'm out I've gone back to my original plan again. I had a couple of attempts where I was in a&e and got sectioned by police but ultimately was kicked out the same day and left with no support again so here I am. I have no definite date to CTB but I was thinking of doing it on the year anniversary of my close friends passing by CTB but I'm not sure how I feel about that now.

 

[Desi]

Hi. Desi. I'm european, live in Paris. You're not alone. I know how it feels to feel alone.

 

[Krash1990]

Hi my friend. SE USA here and I understand the feeling completely. Even with people around I just feel alone. My cheating wife is laying next to me right now and I'm sitting on this forum....
I'm lost and alone all the time with a never ending anxiety like nothing I've ever felt.

 

[InterstateFlowers]

Well.. Welcome? I'm sorry you feel this way. I think almost everyone on the suicide discussion is suffering in some way or another, it's suicide after all. Most people are really nice, nobody will try to convince you to keep living but instead offer advice, support, and well wishes. That's what I'm seeing at least, I like it. How are you trying to ctb? There's many resources for that, just make sure to check the faq and read everything before asking questions.

 

[KibblesNBits]

Hello! Fellow newbie here. I hope we both find the answers we seek here.

 

[madbananas]

Hi! First of all I'm glad you've found people here on this forum. I've only been in hospital twice and both those times I felt safe and didn't want to leave because of that. I also got kicked out and was left just as hopeless as before I went in. So I'm sorry you've experienced this as well.

 

[autumnal]

So I'm fairly new but I was using this forum for a bit as a guest and just didn't click to make an account. I'd like to get to know people and chat. I've spent most of this year so far in psych wards but got kicked out 2 weeks ago. I didn't use SS whilst inside because I felt safe and supported in there. Now I'm out I've gone back to my original plan again. I had a couple of attempts where I was in a&e and got sectioned by police but ultimately was kicked out the same day and left with no support again so here I am. I have no definite date to CTB but I was thinking of doing it on the year anniversary of my close friends passing by CTB but I'm not sure how I feel about that now.

Unlike many members here, it sounds like you found psychiatric hospital to be a positive and helpful experience, and now wish you could return. That to me suggests perhaps you ultimately don't really want to commit suicide.

Do you think there are aspects of the safety and security you felt in hospital which you can recreate on the outside? What aspects in particular do you feel helped you there? Does the hospital have a community treatment team who visit and manage patients at home after release? Most systems tend to have something like this.

 

[nerve]

Welcome to SS, sorry you're here I'm Jenna, Midwest US, & lifelong depression-er!!

It's strange how no matter what, whether we like being there or not, the hospital rarely gives us what we need. I'm sorry the system is letting you down too. Your situation is the exact kind this safety net is designed for, but it's being withheld anyway. This is grossly unfair.

If you can, please don't stress too much over dates and scheduling your CTB Idk if you're worried about this like I was, but I'd feel this sense of "I'm not sure if I really want / am ready to CTB so I'm not 'hardcore' enough to be here," and that's not the case at all.

 

[holly1222]

Hi. Desi. I'm european, live in Paris. You're not alone. I know how it feels to feel alone.

thank you. I like the likeminded company on here.

Hi my friend. SE USA here and I understand the feeling completely. Even with people around I just feel alone. My cheating wife is laying next to me right now and I'm sitting on this forum....
I'm lost and alone all the time with a never ending anxiety like nothing I've ever felt.

we are in good company here my friend.

Well.. Welcome? I'm sorry you feel this way. I think almost everyone on the suicide discussion is suffering in some way or another, it's suicide after all. Most people are really nice, nobody will try to convince you to keep living but instead offer advice, support, and well wishes. That's what I'm seeing at least, I like it. How are you trying to ctb? There's many resources for that, just make sure to check the faq and read everything before asking questions.

Hey, I have 3 different methods that I'm getting together. My first choice being carbon monoxide so I've acquired what I need for that. I also have purchased SN as a back up or add on depending. I have numerous other things around too like rope and razors that can also be used if need be but dying peacefully is my aim. I'm glad to be here, have these discussions which cannot happen in real life because people will try to convince you not to..

Hello! Fellow newbie here. I hope we both find the answers we seek here.

Good to meet you!

Hi! First of all I'm glad you've found people here on this forum. I've only been in hospital twice and both those times I felt safe and didn't want to leave because of that. I also got kicked out and was left just as hopeless as before I went in. So I'm sorry you've experienced this as well.

It's such a shame isn't it. I'd rather not be in hospital but where I live there is only bare minimum support in the community (which isn't enough for me) or hospital, there's nothing in between. So hospitals just been the safest place always because there isn't anything else. Happy to chat if you want to, still trying to figure out how to use everything properly in here atm though!

Unlike many members here, it sounds like you found psychiatric hospital to be a positive and helpful experience, and now wish you could return. That to me suggests perhaps you ultimately don't really want to commit suicide.

Do you think there are aspects of the safety and security you felt in hospital which you can recreate on the outside? What aspects in particular do you feel helped you there? Does the hospital have a community treatment team who visit and manage patients at home after release? Most systems tend to have something like this.

yes I believe that to somewhat true. I don't want to be in hospital theoretically, it's not nice and not normal but ultimately it is the ONLY thing that keeps me safe. I've asked myself that question a few times but it always come back to the fact that living is unbearable so there is no other option. They do have a community team which I'm under and have been since my 18th birthday 9 years ago and they've been totally and utterly useless and unfortunately made my MH worse so I feel like 9 years is long enough now.

Welcome to SS, sorry you're here I'm Jenna, Midwest US, & lifelong depression-er!!

It's strange how no matter what, whether we like being there or not, the hospital rarely gives us what we need. I'm sorry the system is letting you down too. Your situation is the exact kind this safety net is designed for, but it's being withheld anyway. This is grossly unfair.

If you can, please don't stress too much over dates and scheduling your CTB Idk if you're worried about this like I was, but I'd feel this sense of "I'm not sure if I really want / am ready to CTB so I'm not 'hardcore' enough to be here," and that's not the case at all.

thank you, for now I'm just taking things easy. Getting things planned and ready but putting no pressure on when and how it all works out. The one thing I dont want to do is make this decision impulsively, I'll take as long as it needs be to be sure my decision isn't made like that.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Welcome, my love♡.
We r all going thru some form of pain here. That is the glue that bonds us together. Feel free to talk/vent...We r here for u♡

 

[Zoya]

Welcome!!!!

 

[Shoopie]

I'm new too. For some inexplicable reason I was scared of posting initially but finally decided to just jump in and start posting. Glad I did

 

[Lostandfound7]

I'm new too. For some inexplicable reason I was scared of posting initially but finally decided to just jump in and start posting. Glad I did

Welcome luv! So happy u did too!!

 

[Good4Nothing]

I'm a 48 year old man, but I'll be your friend if you want. I know what it's like to be lonely.

 

[LonelySoul]

We are all in the same boat here. Wanting to die, wanting to live...all in emotional pain.

 

[holly1222]

I haven't signed into this account for ages. I got the recent email and had to come back. I've been self harm free for 10 months now and also haven't felt suicidal in months. I changed my environment and social group and got away from some shit things and made a plan for a better future.

 

[DynamicDepression]

I haven't signed into this account for ages. I got the recent email and had to come back. I've been self harm free for 10 months now and also haven't felt suicidal in months. I changed my environment and social group and got away from some shit things and made a plan for a better future.

I think I speak for us all when I say that we're so glad that you're doing better! Congratulations on being 10 months clean, that's not something to take lightly. I hope everything will continue going smoothly for you.

Best of luck in the future.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm pleased for you that things improved. That is good to hear. I wish you the best.

 

[RandomBeaver]

I changed my environment and social group and got away from some shit things and made a plan for a better future.

Without entering into too personal details, do you have any advices for us?

While it's first time knowing you, I'm happy for your current state.

 

[holly1222]

Hello, after seeing so much in the news I logged back in again. I'm now over 2 years self harm free and haven't attempted sui either. I have some really really fucking shit times but I made sure I surrounded myself with the right people who cared and listened to me when I needed it. I found faith again, and although I don't go to church I still believe that god has had a hand in helping me on this journey. I was struggling with my gender identity and didn't know that this was causing me to feel so trapped. Once I opened up about this with those around me I was able to come to terms with that I don't want to transition I just hated feeling constantly pressured into presenting female and forced to act that way when I am much more masculine presenting female and I'm okay with that now. I'm still on my mental health medications and have come to terms with that I may be for life and that's okay because they help me. I have just found out I'm going to be an aunty as my sister is expecting next year and I'm putting all my focus into being a great role model and babysitter for the new bundle of joy we have coming into our family. I can't say that I'm happy because I don't tend to feel that way much really but I feel okay, content even when things aren't great. Identifying and figuring out my emotions was a big step for me, knowing how to manage them. How I can be less reactive and more responsive. From the outside my life doesn't look like much but the fact I'm here and I'm able to wake up everyday and not feel like I wish I hadn't is the best thing. I'm so glad I didn't go through with CTB and using SN or anything else for that fact. I managed to deal with the grief of my friends suicide and have healed from that even though it's still tragically horrendous I've made peace with it. I wish I could say more about how to help people. What I did to suddenly become so well after so many years of not being well at all. But I changed the people I hung around with, even when I was so lonely sometimes I still didn't go back to them because they weren't good for me. I changed my mentality somehow and told myself I will not live a life of being mentally unwell, my illness had taken so many years from me being in and out of psych wards from age 13-28 and I refused to have that label anymore or be that person who lived a life mentally unwell. I just wanted to be okay and normal. I'm 30 now and I look forward to my future and whatever it brings. Knowing that I will still have bad times but I already have the strength to pull myself out of it is comforting. Life is there for you, please don't let this illness swallow you up. I promise you will regret it.