Discussion i’m muslim but i wanna ctb

[dontwannadie]

i'm new here so i'm not sure if i'm doing anything right. anyways i'm a muslim female and ctb and self harm is forbidden in my religion. i believe in god and i pray (or try to) daily but my depression has made everything difficult for me. i'm open to hearing any type of advice it doesn't matter if it helps or not

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Welcome.

This is a safe space to vent your feelings and frustrations and your religion will not be used against you.

Tell us more. We're listening.

 

[Jean4]

i'm new here so i'm not sure if i'm doing anything right. anyways i'm a muslim female and ctb and self harm is forbidden in my religion. i believe in god and i pray (or try to) daily but my depression has made everything difficult for me. i'm open to hearing any type of advice it doesn't matter if it helps or not

Welcome! We are glad you are here. Do you have a Imam you are close with?

 

[SinisterKid]

Hi and welcome to SS.

There are many people here from many backgrounds who will empathise with your dilemma. Hopefully you will find some answers here.

 

[dontwannadie]

Welcome! We are glad you are here. Do you have a Imam you are close with?

no. i don't even go to masjid i usually just practice my faith at home. i have a muslim therapist but i don't feel comfortable talking to her about my suicidal thoughts and my depressive behavior and in all honestly talking to a religious person such as an imam would make me feel... weird and uncomfortable

Hi and welcome to SS.

There are many people here from many backgrounds who will empathise with your dilemma. Hopefully you will find some answers here.

thank you i appreciate this

 

[memataporfavor]

If you want to vent or talk, my pm is open. You can also create threads venting, if you feel like it. Ctb is an extreme choice. You have many many options before that. Talking, opening up is the first one. If you need any specific advice on searching for the right therapy for you, etc. I think you'll also find this info here. Welcome. We're with you.

 

[Moony21]

Hi and welcome to SS

 

[Carina]

Welcome to the boards, the good thing here is there's no judgement, so you can just be yourself.

 

[pole]

im middle eastern, so i have pretty religious parents who always i guess talk about how suicide is forbidden and it's the murder of ones self. definitely shouldn't talk to an imam or a religious person, that's the absolute last person you want to talk to about suicidal ideation with, all you'll get is religious talk that's quiet similar to the toxic positivity of pro-lifers.

You'll definitely feel comfortable talking about it here because of the open mindedness. The question i guess would be what you're really leaning most towards, suicidal ideation or perhaps recovery; and through better knowing that, advice would be better given and provided.

 

[Jean4]

I don't know your situation, so please don't get offended. Is this therapist one you have a strong relationship with? Does the therapist have to be Muslim? Can you switch to a non Muslim therapist?

 

[dontwannadie]

I don't know your situation, so please don't get offended. Is this therapist one you have a strong relationship with? Does the therapist have to be Muslim? Can you switch to a non Muslim therapist?

i've had a few non muslim/white therapists and i never opened up. i wasn't ideally looking for a muslim therapist just a therapist of color but it was really hard to find one. my mom found me a muslim therapist and i've been seeing her for 6 months now, i'm really comfortable with her but only to an extent. i wanna tell her i have suicidal thoughts but i'm not even sure why i have suicidal thoughts. i feel like talking to her about this situation would be easier if i was able to understand my emotions more clearly.

 

[Jean4]

i've had a few non muslim/white therapists and i never opened up. i wasn't ideally looking for a muslim therapist just a therapist of color but it was really hard to find one. my mom found me a muslim therapist and i've been seeing her for 6 months now, i'm really comfortable with her but only to an extent. i wanna tell her i have suicidal thoughts but i'm not even sure why i have suicidal thoughts. i feel like talking to her about this situation would be easier if i was able to understand my emotions more clearly.

I think the best thing to do is read posts, and ask questions. If you would like to speak to me about anything, I am a LCSW-R. PM me.

Just know. We are here for you and we understand you have these feelings and it's ok.

 

[TheOA]

I think the best thing to do is read posts, and ask questions. If you would like to speak to me about anything, I am a LCSW-R. PM me.

Just know. We are here for you and we understand you have these feelings and it's ok.

I agree with this. Also, my PM is available. I have experience in healing from religious trauma (myself and working with others), as well as, navigating these complex spaces between conflicting personal convictions.

I am not a therapist but happy to discuss my qualifications and experiences with you in private. This is an extremely courageous post, thank you for being beautifully transparent and welcome to this space.

 

[Thereisnothing]

i've had a few non muslim/white therapists and i never opened up. i wasn't ideally looking for a muslim therapist just a therapist of color but it was really hard to find one. my mom found me a muslim therapist and i've been seeing her for 6 months now, i'm really comfortable with her but only to an extent. i wanna tell her i have suicidal thoughts but i'm not even sure why i have suicidal thoughts. i feel like talking to her about this situation would be easier if i was able to understand my emotions more clearly.

Hello and welcome here. Please feel comfortable about expressing how you feel, you my find its very helpful in itself. I dont know a great deal about the Muslim culture or religion I am afraid, but most religions seem to frown upon suicide. I know you say you have a Muslim therapist, which is good, although you find you cant tell her about your suicidal thoughts. What I find interesting is, that you say 'I'm not even sure why I have suicidal thoughts'.
Even if we cant pin point a reason or cause, there is almost usually a reason for being so low, I know there is in my case. There are chemical imbalances in the brain sometimes which can go out of order and cause suicidal thoughts with o other triggers, but more often than not something which has happened to us or what is going on in our lives in the trigger.

Please feel free to open up here, if you start exploring your emotions here with those who understand about suicidal thoughts and all it brings, then you may find it then easier to approach your therapist. I think just need to take your time and no rush, you have a done a brilliant job to so far by joining the group here and for your first post, you should be proud. We are here for you, dont be afraid to ask or share.

 

[dontwannadie]

Hello and welcome here. Please feel comfortable about expressing how you feel, you my find its very helpful in itself. I dont know a great deal about the Muslim culture or religion I am afraid, but most religions seem to frown upon suicide. I know you say you have a Muslim therapist, which is good, although you find you cant tell her about your suicidal thoughts. What I find interesting is, that you say 'I'm not even sure why I have suicidal thoughts'.
Even if we cant pin point a reason or cause, there is almost usually a reason for being so low, I know there is in my case. There are chemical imbalances in the brain sometimes which can go out of order and cause suicidal thoughts with o other triggers, but more often than not something which has happened to us or what is going on in our lives in the trigger.

Please feel free to open up here, if you start exploring your emotions here with those who understand about suicidal thoughts and all it brings, then you may find it then easier to approach your therapist. I think just need to take your time and no rush, you have a done a brilliant job to so far by joining the group here and for your first post, you should be proud. We are here for you, dont be afraid to ask or share.

thank you. this really helped me feel more welcomed and supported. eventually i'll figure out why i've been having these suicidal thoughts and hopefully i'll be able to talk to my therapist about it
thank you again

 

[Thereisnothing]

thank you. this really helped me feel more welcomed and supported. eventually i'll figure out why i've been having these suicidal thoughts and hopefully i'll be able to talk to my therapist about it
thank you again

You are welcome. take your time. Our thoughts and emotions change all the time and so quickly and back again and most the time they make little sense, but we do get times of better clarification where we can work things out better.

 

[PDAnnie2610]

The paradox with a therapist of similar ethnicity or religion is that it's easier to relate certain personal experiences that are unique due to your own culture yet the tricky thing with religion is that we fear being judged by those of our faith. Feel free to share here cos 1) we don't judge 2) it's a multi ethnic crowd here. I'm also a 'coloured' person - asian Chinese specifically. Living where I am and knowing the abrahamic faiths in depth, I can relate to your apprehension regarding opening up to your therapist regarding your urges. It's hard to articulate what one feels, especially when the pain is overwhelming..

 

[yuvo]

Im glad you understand this

thank you. this really helped me feel more welcomed and supported. eventually i'll figure out why i've been having these suicidal thoughts and hopefully i'll be able to talk to my therapist about it
thank you again

please dont act on your suicidal thoughts

 

[squirtsoda]

@dontwannadie i empathize with you and your struggle is quite universal when talking about anyone who holds a degree of conviction with their faith. I can't think of any mainstream religions that are at peace with suicide for reasons such as our own, obviously I'm excluding martyrdom (and no I'm not saying that because we're talking about Islam, also speaking of other major religions presently and throughout history).

As an atheist I hold personal beliefs that suicide is completely ok, but that does not mean I don't struggle with something "forbidden" to me, which is hurting those who care for me. No one here should encourage you to CTB, nor should they do some toxic pro-life stuff if you've already made a decision of sound mind. I agree with what some people said above, the response you will get from an Imam or a therapist is generally going to be a known quantity. It is going to be pro-life. Every Imam is different, you could get just pro-life, empathy, or encouragement to live, new perspectives on life, etc. But you could also get a decidedly less healthy response. Given that you do not have a relationship with an Imam, I would maybe lean towards talking with your therapist. But make sure you know the risks of speaking openly about CTB. You may be sent to A&E/the ER and admitted to the psych ward.

 

[HadEnough1974]

i'm new here so i'm not sure if i'm doing anything right. anyways i'm a muslim female and ctb and self harm is forbidden in my religion. i believe in god and i pray (or try to) daily but my depression has made everything difficult for me. i'm open to hearing any type of advice it doesn't matter if it helps or not

Selam, merhaba, welcome.

I think you're struggling with wanting to tell your therapist about your thoughts about wanting to end your life but you're hesitant due to religious beliefs. Perhaps you fear judgement on her part and she will remind you that it's a sin etc...

If that's the case, perhaps you can tell her that you've "sometimes wish you were dead", rather that tell her that you are seriously considering it. Minimize it in order to see her reaction. Test the waters first if you really want to tell her.

Again, welcome to the forum.

 

[Xena87]

My dad is Muslim and I'm from a very religious background. Muslim and Christian (gospel). I understand how you feel...
I've grown up wrecking my mind about who I am and why I feel certain ways.
Do you find your faith comforting?
The more ill and suicidal I've become, the more I've come to realise this 'god'...this energy force that creates all that we are, truly loves me and is with me in my darkest moments.
Don't beat yourself up about how you feel vs what your faith dictates. God is love and God loves you!

 

[Ghost2211]

Hello, and welcome. I'm glad you found us. Im also here if you need a friend or someone to talk to <3

 

[sadgirl2002]

Hey there, welcome to the forum. I used to be Muslim and I can understand your situation. Most, if not all religions forbid self harm and suicide. You can always vent on here and talk to us. It would be best to not tell your Muslim therapist because you'll get religious cliches and such but you can always talk to us, we won't judge you here. I hope you'll be able to get some help on here, my PM is open if you ever want to talk.