I'm miserable

[September5th]

I don't really like to keep creating thread after thread, so this is probably the last one.
Man, I'm so miserable right now. I'm simply unable to do anything. I completely missed class today. I'm simply incapable of going. I don't want to do nothing at all, in fact. If I went as little as 4 months in time and told my past self what awaits him, he would definitely not believe it. It's simply surreal.
I don't have the strength to get better, you know? It's hard to explain. I can't go to the gym, I can't talk to others. Sometimes I'm fine, but there's always something bothering me.
Last night I caught myself crying, eating poorly and jerking off to a person that's no longer in my life. It's not like I'm happy being in this state. I'm just destroyed in every sense of the word.
Talking to friends, meeting new people, going to therapy, going to parties... Nothing works. I must be broken or something.
While others are moving on and having fun (colleagues, my ex...), I'm trapped in this miserable existence. I can't be like this forever or I will fuck up my entire life. I'm already becoming a pain in the ass and I know it.

Anyway, that's just me venting, as usual.

 

[Tiemblo]

Man, I have exactly the same feeling and it started exactly 4 months ago. I used to love cycling, going to the gym, listening to the radio, going to the movies. I have a wonderful girlfriend and friends but I a can not get out of this whole. I fucked it up and I can not forgive myself…I am so miserable too… I try to work but I am not the same. I can not stand myself.
Wish I could go back in time four months…now I spend my time searching the best method to die…and I can not get N

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really is so depressing and I know that it is awful to feel like you are trapped. I understand that it is hard to carry on when things seem so hopeless. Everything is very miserable for me as well, I am very tired of living and I'm sorry that you suffer. I wish you the best.

 

[Tiemblo]

Wish you the best to all of you.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

This entire site could be pointed at and called Les Misérables, sans Russel Crowe.

 

[Anonymus]

It's happened to me quite a few times in my life and when I get scared it's like waking up from a nightmare ... only I've been like this for 6 years now and it's getting harder and harder to get out of it ... and these years I can't.

I need more energy to move forward, that's all, then the rest is attitude and determination. But I stumble too often and every time it seems like I just get up to fall back and sink even deeper.

The next time I come back, I think I'll wipe everyone's hell from the map of so many beasts that it will be, but I'm more afraid I won't be able to do it and get even sicker than I am now.
//
A mi m'ha passat força vegades al llarg de la meva vida i quan m'ensurto es com si despertés d'un malson... només que ja porto 6 anys així i cada cop costa més ensortir-me'n.... i aquests anys no ho aconsegueixo.

Necessito més energía per tirar endavant, és tot, després la resta és actitud i determinació. Però es que ensopego massa sovint i cada cop sembla que només m'aixeco per tornar a caure i enfonsar-me encara més.

La propera vegada que resorgeixi, penso que esborraré del mapa els inferns de tothom de tant béstia que serà, però em temo més aviat que no ho pugui fer i encara quedi més malalt que ara.

 

[September5th]

Wish I could go back in time four months…now I spend my time searching the best method to die…and I can not get N

I 100% understand you. 4 months ago I was spending the day in the beach with my girlfriend. We ate there and I was genuinely happy. Now I'm here, trapped in a far away city, alone, knowing that this same girl is talking to other guys and recovering well, while I'm looking for the best method to die. I'm trapped studying something that I absolutely hate and the best I can do is go to parties, drink alcohol and kiss some randoms.
There's nothing "fun" about wanting to die and searching how to do it. I would rather live in a world where I somehow fixed things and never ever knew what SN even is. I wake up everyday to sorrow and suffer. I'm so tired.

 

[waitingforrest]

I don't know either but I can't ever find the motivation to get better. Just the thought of putting in all that effort makes ctb more tempting. A self perpetuated cycle of misery. Trying to get better will make me more suicidal, and staying where I am at makes me suicidal.

Living on with a broken heart feels like torture. And most things that would help don't because most of the time it's just wanting someone important back that can't be replaced. It's like nothing can fill the void. Even though some of my relationships had bad people, I can still think about what the future could have been if they stayed.

It's a truly horrible feeling.

 

[Tiemblo]

I understand that breakups are hard but it is only a matter of time and you will move on.
Believe me.

 

[chocolatebar]

I'm miserable too. I can barely use the computer these days. Even browsing this site is becoming difficuldt

 

[September5th]

I can't possibly keep living this routine. I can't pay attention to anything. It's really weird. College is hell. Maybe, just maybe, if I was closer to home, my friends would help me to move on and all. Conversely, my city could make me feel even worse, as everything would remember me about her. In any case, at least I would probably be studying something else.
I'm just happy that I'm visiting my family and friends this weekend. That's what's keeping me from finally going nuts around here.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

That's what severe depression does to you. Everything you do, or try to do, is nothing more than a chore. No joy or happiness out of anything, especially things that you used to enjoy. I'm sorry you find yourself in this abyss, too. I won't give you platitudes. I always hate when I hear them. None have ever helped me out of the funk I'm in. I don't know what to say except to say again how sorry I am for your circumstances. Life wasn't supposed to be like this for anyone and you don't deserve it to be like this.