just want to say, not going through with the plan is okay. try to not be hard on yourself.
takes a lot of strength to put off the plan, then force yourself to seek help AFTER not going through with an attempt.
it's just exhausting. you put EVERYTHING into wanting to go, but recognized it didn't feel right or wasn't the best time, so you choose not to be impulsive and now go down a different route to make sure you don't do anything impulsive? it feels like a rollercoaster ride and takes a massive emotional toll on a person.
good for you. also, just plan ahead and think about how you'll break it down to your parents when it comes to that.
best of luck and i hope you feel better.