aludnelac
wayward weirdo
- Sep 15, 2021
- 55
this certainly isn't my first time on this website, but over the years i've slowly become increasingly broken down and sad, i never really achieved my goals or any of my dreams, and i feel like i'm just stuck in a sad place in life
i have a partner that i live with and love a lot, she helps me find meaning in life, but deep down i feel lost, sad, broken, unable to live in the moment, a deep sense of longing for better times, and profound anhedonia
it feels like even looking back on times when i felt like life couldn't get anymore miserable even feel nostalgic and fond in retrospect, at least i had more intense emotions back then, but slowly it's felt like i've burned myself out trying to survive and push past it all
lately i've been feeling very empty and lost, and i know ending things isn't a solution to a bad life or all my current problems, but i just kind of feel like i'm losing my will to live and my connection to this life
i don't want to hurt my partner, but i just feel so terrible deep down, and i don't know how to make it go away
i didn't have the worst life, but many events throughout this life have certainly contributed to setting me up for failure; my failed life is ultimately my own fault, but all the trauma i've experienced and mental illness i suffer from didn't help
i think i just don't have anyone to talk about these thoughts with; i used to be so passionate about dying and hurting myself, but now even all of the self-harm just feels like effort i don't want to bother expending, i just feel like my life ended years ago and i'm just a broken husk, i don't know how to get better and i don't know if it's even possible
it feels like the longer this goes on, the more i'm suffering, and the more apathetic and broken i feel
i don't want to continue on like this, i'm really suffering, i just don't really have the best options and i sometimes feel like i need to just "finish the job" already and end this pathetic existence of mine
it's unforgivable to hurt others through these actions, someone who cares about me and has really devoted everything to being there for me, it's just not right of me to think this is okay, and yet, i'm really, truly hurting, and i don't know how to escape this pain
i wish there felt like a way out of this, but deep down it feels like this is the ending that's been calling my name for a very long time
as though i was never supposed to be part of this world in the first place
thank you for reading my thoughts, it means a lot, i just wish i knew where to go from here, i wish i knew how to make progress in feeling better, but i just feel like my soul is decaying day by day, and i yearn to depart this miserable realm
i have a partner that i live with and love a lot, she helps me find meaning in life, but deep down i feel lost, sad, broken, unable to live in the moment, a deep sense of longing for better times, and profound anhedonia
it feels like even looking back on times when i felt like life couldn't get anymore miserable even feel nostalgic and fond in retrospect, at least i had more intense emotions back then, but slowly it's felt like i've burned myself out trying to survive and push past it all
lately i've been feeling very empty and lost, and i know ending things isn't a solution to a bad life or all my current problems, but i just kind of feel like i'm losing my will to live and my connection to this life
i don't want to hurt my partner, but i just feel so terrible deep down, and i don't know how to make it go away
i didn't have the worst life, but many events throughout this life have certainly contributed to setting me up for failure; my failed life is ultimately my own fault, but all the trauma i've experienced and mental illness i suffer from didn't help
i think i just don't have anyone to talk about these thoughts with; i used to be so passionate about dying and hurting myself, but now even all of the self-harm just feels like effort i don't want to bother expending, i just feel like my life ended years ago and i'm just a broken husk, i don't know how to get better and i don't know if it's even possible
it feels like the longer this goes on, the more i'm suffering, and the more apathetic and broken i feel
i don't want to continue on like this, i'm really suffering, i just don't really have the best options and i sometimes feel like i need to just "finish the job" already and end this pathetic existence of mine
it's unforgivable to hurt others through these actions, someone who cares about me and has really devoted everything to being there for me, it's just not right of me to think this is okay, and yet, i'm really, truly hurting, and i don't know how to escape this pain
i wish there felt like a way out of this, but deep down it feels like this is the ending that's been calling my name for a very long time
as though i was never supposed to be part of this world in the first place
thank you for reading my thoughts, it means a lot, i just wish i knew where to go from here, i wish i knew how to make progress in feeling better, but i just feel like my soul is decaying day by day, and i yearn to depart this miserable realm
