I'm so sorry you are struggling. I wouldn't say I ever had an all out eating disorder but I've come close and I understand the mentality. I was very prone to binge eating. I also became pretty obsessive about losing weight- and looked sonewhat skeletal in places, periods stopped etc. for a while.
All I would say is- I do understand the desire to starve but it's terribly easy to get caught up in a cycle of starving and binging. So- anorexia can sometimes lead to binging and even bulimia. It's kind of obvious how it happens. Starving your body will make it ravenously hungry when you do eat. Then you'll feel awful for pigging out so- restrict further, purge, excessively exercise- and it just cycles.
Honestly- I'd say- if you possibly can- nip this thing in the bud before it takes over your life. Watch YouTube videos of people who's lives have been dominated by eating disorders. It's such an awful thing to be consumed by. I really hope you can take control.
Personally, I didn't actually starve myself when I lost weight. I lost 5 stone (32kg) over 2 years. I followed a low carb diet. So- lots of vegetables, lean protein, good fats and only some complex carbohydrates. I used 'The Food Doctor' diet. It was the healthiest I ever ate! I hope you can get the results you want sensibly. It will be more sustainable too. It was a lifestyle change for me when I did it- not a fad diet or restricting.
