getoutgirl
left the site <3
- Mar 17, 2025
- 559
fffffuck y'alll i'm dipping
i'm kiddin, teasing, jesting.
(mods i love you)
I wanted to make a little goodbye thread/long ass rant to show my appreciation to everyone here <3, disregard that first statement I just can't help not doing those things when i should be serious.
You are all lovely people. I've never witnessed so many nice, kind beautiful souls going through so much pain in one place, yet finding support in eachother in a little virtual oasis free of judgement, full of care and mutual compassion. This place is not what i signed up for, this place Is its people, and they are why I stayed. You are all amazing, deserve so much more, and I can only wish you the best, one way or the other, but definetly easier days and more comfort and peace in your lives. I know this place can bring that, and I hope some day you no longer have the need to visit it, but for those who do, I hope it keeps helping you <3
I am leaving it though. I'll be ok, not gonna die any time soon hopefully. But I think I can't stay here much longer.
I am still depressed, just got myself some new antidepressants yesterday, and suicidal thoughts won't leave now just as they have not for the past ton of years. So i'm not recovered, I am a mess, and I am just trying. And I'll keep trying.
Reason I leave mainly is because I met very lovely people here, but I also lost a lot. For anyone interested enough to keep reading by this point, I've talked to a lot of people here, just to relate, to chat, to commiserate, and to help if I could.
In my time here I've tried to help people, with my posts and my words in a way that could bring comfort to those suffering. I think I've helped a few, just a little.
For others at least I made their lives a bit better, or with some more joy, some care, some something, as they did for me, for how long said lives lasted. I'm also glad for that.
That number of people I've lost here has reached a point in which coming here, reading suicide threads which then were just that, thoughts like my own coming from the minds of others, relatable, well those now act only as reminders, painful memories of friends that I cannot longer talk to, that I can't help but feel I failed, but I sometimes still dream of... some are more like nightmares, which is its own thing, but definetly a sign I've reached a threshold.
I know enough has been said about why making friends here is a bad idea. I got to put that into practice repeatedly, just to make sure.
I am a weak empathetic wuss, can't help it either, and i've never related to anyone as much as i've had with people here. Suicide has always taken such a hug part of my brain, of who i was, that i've found it real hard to connect with others or be open irl or online. Masks and smiles no longer worth that much an effort. It's only here that that barrier was a window, that i've felt comfortable enough to make such connections.
But for some bizarre reason beyond my comprehension and that I could've never anticipated, of all places, people from the suicide website kept commiting suicide
and each has been a blow on me, and that toll on my mental health has been more than enough. I know I can't take much more, or if I can, I now know I don't want to. I remember each of them, and I will probably continue to, I was the last person some of them ever talked to, and that is heavy to lift, feels heavy, the what ifs, the magical words I could've come up with that could've made it different that day, and them happy and still here... I poured a lot and it was taken, some in very tragic circumstances, and I knew it had that risk, again and again I took it and suffered it. It's not like I ever considered them projects, or my duty to "save them", fuck that, but they were friends, and I cared for them deeply, even if fully understood their mindset and respected them in their choice... Can't stress how that loss reverberates, how great they were as ppl, and I can't help but wish they had had it just a little better, enough.
I was gonna name a names, but I think I won't.
I've glad to have met them, to have shared goot moments with them, sweet words in their last few, made it easier. But I don't want to meet more, to remember more or add to and continue with this whole thing, to be reminded of that daily, suicide permeating my hours, here as I've kept logging in each day for 9 months. It hurts.
I want to turn a page, and start a new chapter.
Will i burn out and have a meltdown eventually?
Yes.
That is not a question. But i still think it will be ok afterwards. I will be better. I just happen to need to leave here. Maybe I'm back in time. hope not :P
Thankfully I enjoyed my time here, hopefully others have enjoyed my presence. I liked the talks with people, met a cool someone and friends i still talk to elsewhere. So I can say it's been good.
And I thank you and I wish you all the best.
So after all that blabber, I guess I could've summarized it all as It's been good <3
Hope you stay just as kind to eachother and to all the people that will come, keep the place like that.
Hope the world changes for the better for people like us. But until I'm glad there is this place.
I only wish you all less suffering.
So having just said that, Bye :P
huge hugs to all
<3
i'm kiddin, teasing, jesting.
(mods i love you)
I wanted to make a little goodbye thread/long ass rant to show my appreciation to everyone here <3, disregard that first statement I just can't help not doing those things when i should be serious.
You are all lovely people. I've never witnessed so many nice, kind beautiful souls going through so much pain in one place, yet finding support in eachother in a little virtual oasis free of judgement, full of care and mutual compassion. This place is not what i signed up for, this place Is its people, and they are why I stayed. You are all amazing, deserve so much more, and I can only wish you the best, one way or the other, but definetly easier days and more comfort and peace in your lives. I know this place can bring that, and I hope some day you no longer have the need to visit it, but for those who do, I hope it keeps helping you <3
I am leaving it though. I'll be ok, not gonna die any time soon hopefully. But I think I can't stay here much longer.
I am still depressed, just got myself some new antidepressants yesterday, and suicidal thoughts won't leave now just as they have not for the past ton of years. So i'm not recovered, I am a mess, and I am just trying. And I'll keep trying.
Reason I leave mainly is because I met very lovely people here, but I also lost a lot. For anyone interested enough to keep reading by this point, I've talked to a lot of people here, just to relate, to chat, to commiserate, and to help if I could.
In my time here I've tried to help people, with my posts and my words in a way that could bring comfort to those suffering. I think I've helped a few, just a little.
For others at least I made their lives a bit better, or with some more joy, some care, some something, as they did for me, for how long said lives lasted. I'm also glad for that.
That number of people I've lost here has reached a point in which coming here, reading suicide threads which then were just that, thoughts like my own coming from the minds of others, relatable, well those now act only as reminders, painful memories of friends that I cannot longer talk to, that I can't help but feel I failed, but I sometimes still dream of... some are more like nightmares, which is its own thing, but definetly a sign I've reached a threshold.
I know enough has been said about why making friends here is a bad idea. I got to put that into practice repeatedly, just to make sure.
I am a weak empathetic wuss, can't help it either, and i've never related to anyone as much as i've had with people here. Suicide has always taken such a hug part of my brain, of who i was, that i've found it real hard to connect with others or be open irl or online. Masks and smiles no longer worth that much an effort. It's only here that that barrier was a window, that i've felt comfortable enough to make such connections.
But for some bizarre reason beyond my comprehension and that I could've never anticipated, of all places, people from the suicide website kept commiting suicide
and each has been a blow on me, and that toll on my mental health has been more than enough. I know I can't take much more, or if I can, I now know I don't want to. I remember each of them, and I will probably continue to, I was the last person some of them ever talked to, and that is heavy to lift, feels heavy, the what ifs, the magical words I could've come up with that could've made it different that day, and them happy and still here... I poured a lot and it was taken, some in very tragic circumstances, and I knew it had that risk, again and again I took it and suffered it. It's not like I ever considered them projects, or my duty to "save them", fuck that, but they were friends, and I cared for them deeply, even if fully understood their mindset and respected them in their choice... Can't stress how that loss reverberates, how great they were as ppl, and I can't help but wish they had had it just a little better, enough.
I was gonna name a names, but I think I won't.
I've glad to have met them, to have shared goot moments with them, sweet words in their last few, made it easier. But I don't want to meet more, to remember more or add to and continue with this whole thing, to be reminded of that daily, suicide permeating my hours, here as I've kept logging in each day for 9 months. It hurts.
I want to turn a page, and start a new chapter.
Will i burn out and have a meltdown eventually?
Yes.
That is not a question. But i still think it will be ok afterwards. I will be better. I just happen to need to leave here. Maybe I'm back in time. hope not :P
Thankfully I enjoyed my time here, hopefully others have enjoyed my presence. I liked the talks with people, met a cool someone and friends i still talk to elsewhere. So I can say it's been good.
And I thank you and I wish you all the best.
I feel like I need to say this before leaving though, briefly, as I've always wanted to make a post about it and I wouldn't feel right not having said it.
Basically my main gripe with the site, even if it sounds mean or in contradiction to my earlier praises, is how suicidality interacts with internet anonimity and the vanalization of suicide here, how people just don't ask what brings others here, sometimes, and suicide is treated as this neutral element that's as good for everyone. (some antinatalist share that, that's ok)
If I explain myself. I've seen people create an account, user433, post asking for advice on suicide, and even if that's not supposed to be given, i've seen it very much being given. So user433 asks for it, ppl advise, they get what they need, and they die in a matter of sometimes a month. And I've gone through post histories, and at no point anyone asks why they are here, what brough them to it, what's going on. Of course there are also posts in which people come to vent and the replies are incredibly sweet and supportive. I'm not claiming this as a generalised issue, lack of care, at all. But it's true there are people who pass by like that, and they aren't asking for help, or venting... but I think with a topic such as suicide, and with the added distance and impersonality of the internet, it is important that people should at least ask. Not saying we should annoy, or try to force their minds, or gatekeep suicide based on their motives if they do disclose them. Just ask at least. Some have reasons which, even if it's still fully within their choice to die or not, maybe would benefit more from support or being at least pointed at another direction, pointed!
One of the best friends I made here had maybe a dozen posts asking for SN information, got it all and the product within a month, and I asked them what was going on, turns out exam stress, they was depressed af obviously, but never had gotten help over it, therapy or meds or anything, and yet they had slipped by here, not asking for help, granted... but clearly needing some... not all like that but I know some, and a lot of young people here too, which also pains me, and each makes their choice but, I feel some also might need more support.
So as small a thing I'd ask while leaving, which i also feel bad about saying cos I insist the community is amazing, if you see someone rather new just asking a question, you can answer, but consider adding a small line of text asking what brough them here. Doesn't have to lead anywhere, but sometimes that's muted context that I think matters a lot specially with suicide. That's my rant.
Basically my main gripe with the site, even if it sounds mean or in contradiction to my earlier praises, is how suicidality interacts with internet anonimity and the vanalization of suicide here, how people just don't ask what brings others here, sometimes, and suicide is treated as this neutral element that's as good for everyone. (some antinatalist share that, that's ok)
If I explain myself. I've seen people create an account, user433, post asking for advice on suicide, and even if that's not supposed to be given, i've seen it very much being given. So user433 asks for it, ppl advise, they get what they need, and they die in a matter of sometimes a month. And I've gone through post histories, and at no point anyone asks why they are here, what brough them to it, what's going on. Of course there are also posts in which people come to vent and the replies are incredibly sweet and supportive. I'm not claiming this as a generalised issue, lack of care, at all. But it's true there are people who pass by like that, and they aren't asking for help, or venting... but I think with a topic such as suicide, and with the added distance and impersonality of the internet, it is important that people should at least ask. Not saying we should annoy, or try to force their minds, or gatekeep suicide based on their motives if they do disclose them. Just ask at least. Some have reasons which, even if it's still fully within their choice to die or not, maybe would benefit more from support or being at least pointed at another direction, pointed!
One of the best friends I made here had maybe a dozen posts asking for SN information, got it all and the product within a month, and I asked them what was going on, turns out exam stress, they was depressed af obviously, but never had gotten help over it, therapy or meds or anything, and yet they had slipped by here, not asking for help, granted... but clearly needing some... not all like that but I know some, and a lot of young people here too, which also pains me, and each makes their choice but, I feel some also might need more support.
So as small a thing I'd ask while leaving, which i also feel bad about saying cos I insist the community is amazing, if you see someone rather new just asking a question, you can answer, but consider adding a small line of text asking what brough them here. Doesn't have to lead anywhere, but sometimes that's muted context that I think matters a lot specially with suicide. That's my rant.
So after all that blabber, I guess I could've summarized it all as It's been good <3
Hope you stay just as kind to eachother and to all the people that will come, keep the place like that.
Hope the world changes for the better for people like us. But until I'm glad there is this place.
I only wish you all less suffering.
So having just said that, Bye :P
huge hugs to all
<3
