Venting I'm just gonna get my train of thought out here.

[Bedrock48]

First off, I don't understand how or why I am still alive. My guardian angel must have been watching real close last suicide attempt cause that's all I can think of. I had the equivalent of 100+ cups of coffee running through my system, only just shy of the full lethal dose. I doubt that minor error would have made a difference. People have died both accidentally and purposefully off less, why not me?! Back to the drawing board I guess. I have only two options I can think of right now, partial and jumping. I don't think I can try caffeine again anytime soon.

Jumping cons

1) The bridge near me is not even close to the ideal height so it may not be instant.
2) I've heard some rather grisly stories about jumpers there. One man apparently died of a heart attack, likely from the shock of the cold water given he jumped in winter. Doesn't sound peaceful
3) SI (might be able to overcome in right circumstances) but any hesitation and I'm likely to be hauled off by a "Good samaritan"

Partial cons

1) Only two anchor points in my flat that might be of use. Will have to do prep to really use either. No guarantee either will hold as I've yet to test.
2) SI which might kick in even when I'm semi conscious or unconscious
3) Definitely not my preferred method in general given the risk of being found early and the risk of brain damage.

Just feeling really stuck right now although I'm not in a great rush for ctb unless I suffer another migraine attack. Once lockdown lifts it might be an idea to try CO by charcoal grill although that's gonna be pretty costly and time consuming.

 

[WornOutLife]

I don't believe in angels but if I have a guardian angel, he sucks. He should just let me be at peace lol.

Your cons are certainly interesting, especially the partial ones. I agree with all of them. I wish hanging was easier.

 

[Bedrock48]

I don't believe in angels but if I have a guardian angel, he sucks. He should just let me be at peace lol.

Your cons are certainly interesting, especially the partial ones. I agree with all of them. I wish hanging was easier.

Haha I feel the same, mine just does too good a job apparently.
Hanging is such a fine art for no reason. Some get it first try and others have to try so many approaches. I suppose with con 1 I could stack a bunch of heavy stuff above the anchor so if it fails I'll get clapped by the falling shelf! That would be an oddly comedic end to a clown car of an existence.

 

[lofticries]

Wait a min. You can accidently die on too much caffeine? Like make yourself have a heart attack?

 

[GemCami]

Yeah. I tried once to od on cocaine. I got through like a quarter gram and couldnt. Ive honestly considered just buying a gallon of pure nicotine online for making vape juice, pour that shit in a basin and have a nice foot soak. Your organs would supposedly shut down within like a minute or two. But idk. Not enough research on it.

I just hope i have a stroke or heart attack soon

 

[Bedrock48]

Wait a min. You can accidently die on too much caffeine? Like make yourself have a heart attack?

Yes you can, obviously it's unlikely from regular coffee or energy drinks. It can also cause hypokalemia (low potassium), Hyperglycaemia (high blood sugar) as well as seizures and coma. All can be fateful in their own right if they are to an extreme. Those are the most serious complications but it causes a whole host of other symptoms including nausea, vomiting and hallucinations.

Overall, wouldn't recommend. It's just something I've experimented with a fair bit given how easily available it is.