Im into this forum sitting on the sofa side by side with my father that’s watching tv

[niiina]

He doesn't speak English tho so no danger.

I feel like a traitor for being at his side planning how to do something that will probably ruin his life.
He'll be too crushed to go well at work, his apartment that we're living in is given by his work so if he loses his job he loses his apartment too and he has no savings. This would ruin his life completely.
He has helped me paying for a psychiatrist and paying for meds and I'll give this back.
That's a horrible feeling

 

[Outandproud]

Hes life wont be ruin if he knows that you are at peace and that he did everything he could to help you. Make sure he knows that. And if you dicide to live i wish you are at peace with your choise too.

 

[Rounded Agony]

No idea what kind of relationship you have with him but it seems like he cares about your well being. I'm not saying to tell him "hey I still want to end my life", but maybe some kind of conversation to let him know things haven't been working for you could lead to a positive result, even if that's just him understanding.

Btw I've been noticing your pfp around and I love it. Kaguya is one of the best films I have ever seen. It perfectly encapsulates all the beauty and ugliness, wonder and horror that is life.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be hard to deal with, but after all it's your choice and suicide is a personal decision, we all have our right to leave this life that we never asked for behind. Grief and loss are an inevitable part of life even know it's painful for others, as humans we will all die and lose everything someday.