I'm in my mid 20s. TBH I never thought I would make it so far, I thought I would've killed myself at this point.

[WhenTheyCry]

So I thought as a child. I don't feel like an adult. Don't have a house, no car, no job, no money, no connections, no degree, nothing... I tried a bit as a freelance translator but it turns out you can't really make a living as a freelance translator. No talent. No aspiration for an alternative path. To get a job I guess, you have to pass an interview.

I've got autism so that will never happen. Social interaction is pain. I look like weak prey to normal people, so I avoid humans by being a hikikomori. No matter how cautious I am with other people, I'm somehow guaranteed to grate their nerves in an unintentional way and invite bullying. I'm a clown but I don't even make money out of it. I'd rather not sell my pride to become one anyways.

Whatever value my ego has left. I've got nothing left yet I still have more to lose. Wow, what a life. Due to the innate traits I was born with, everything is impossible to me. Autism, schizophrenia, ptsd, bipolar syndrome. heeh

 

[matt1968]

Well done for making it this far. Only a few people know how much character and courage it's taken you. Rest assured, those people know.

 

[mortuarymary]

Are you taking meds?

 

[WhenTheyCry]

Well done for making it this far. Only a few people know how much character and courage it's taken you. Rest assured, those people know.

I don't know if this is something that truly comes from the heart, but I don't want to live another here on earth. I'm not sure if living through this is courageous, maybe the ones who had the willpower to off themselves are the real heroes.

Are you taking meds?

antipsychotics that bloated me by 30 pounds

 

[matt1968]

I don't know if this is something that truly comes from the heart, but I don't want to live another here on earth. I'm not sure if living through this is courageous, maybe the ones who had the willpower to off themselves are the real heroes.


antipsychotics that bloated me by 30 pounds

What you said resonated with me so much. I think it takes a lot of something that is not recognised by the vast majority of people.
But I wanted to pay respect to what you wrote and offer fellowship.
I feel so very vulnerable too and it's horrible.

 

[hopeless08]

What you said resonated with me so much. I think it takes a lot of something that is not recognised by the vast majority of people.
But I wanted to pay respect to what you wrote and offer fellowship.
I feel so very vulnerable too and it's horrible.

People that are in this huge depression are more vulnerable and easily taken advantage of because we don't have the strength, the energy or state of mind to fight back and very often we have low self esteem, which makes us an easy target unfortunately.

 

[matt1968]

People that are in this huge depression are more vulnerable and easily taken advantage of because we don't have the strength, the energy or state of mind to fight back and very often we have low self esteem, which makes us an easy target unfortunately.

Yes totally.

Which makes groups like this really important and precious.