Help I’m in a bad situation.

[Anxieyote]

Last night was a breaking point for me. Suicide death throes were at an all-time high, and I came very close to an impulse consumption of SN (which may not have even killed me). I called the suicide hotline multiple times, and recieved "decent" help, but that shit doesn't matter once you're off the phone. I still have this shitty life to contend with, and I'm still all by myself in this empty apartment with no one to talk to but the walls.

Psychosis is setting in badly, and I can't be alone. I called in sick to work, and called a local mental health organization. I was able to talk to someone over the crisis line, and they were very thorough and kind. They asked a lot of questions, and I genuinely felt listened to.

She has given me two options, though.
1. She can put me on their call list and call every few hours to check in on me and make sure I'm doing fine.
2. A 5-day visit to the psych ward (fully-covered by insurance).

I have never been to the psych ward you guys, but it really does feel like my only way out right now. She said they take your phone away and only give it to you at designated times—which is insanely triggering to me, because that's what I use to talk to you guys and distract myself.

I have read all of your psych ward experiences, and they sound awful. So what on earth should I do?

It's either get called every few hours and have a temporary friend to talk to, possibly subject myself to a traumatic psych ward experience, or CTB. None of the options sound good. Another option is throw out all the fucking alcohol and get rid of the cursed fucking demon that caused this whole situation to happen in the first place. My psychosis demons came out full force last night, and I was having a 3-way conversation with myself like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Even the stuffed animals are developing their own personalities and voices.

Help me friends, I am scared and running out of ideas. The psych ward lady is calling back in 3 hours to check in on me, so I would like some advice before then if I can.

 

[Sittichmutter]

You really need help. Go to the psych Ward. You are asking for help. They will treat you fairly.
I Hope you get better soon.
Lots of love to you.

 

[AtMostOkay]

Take them up on the 5 day stay if, for nothing else, to rest. You are exhausted. Much love xoxo

 

[motyxia]

If you think it's your only way out right now I think you should try it. You could maybe bring something that's allowed to distract yourself. If you like music maybe bring CDs. They let me have CDs & I could play them on the little CD player they had there. Or some books you like or have been wanting to read. Maybe movies. When the psych ward lady calls you again, I think you should ask her about what you can bring to distract yourself, that might help you decide & feel calmer. I was really scared the first time I went. I also have problems with psycosis, it was in the psych ward they told me that & gave me meds for it. I wish I could give better advice, I relate to some of what you wrote. I hope whatever option you pick, it goes well.

 

[44nutz1977]

Last night was a breaking point for me. Suicide death throes were at an all-time high, and I came very close to an impulse consumption of SN (which may not have even killed me). I called the suicide hotline multiple times, and recieved "decent" help, but that shit doesn't matter once you're off the phone. I still have this shitty life to contend with, and I'm still all by myself in this empty apartment with no one to talk to but the walls.

Psychosis is setting in badly, and I can't be alone. I called in sick to work, and called a local mental health organization. I was able to talk to someone over the crisis line, and they were very thorough and kind. They asked a lot of questions, and I genuinely felt listened to.

She has given me two options, though.
1. She can put me on their call list and call every few hours to check in on me and make sure I'm doing fine.
2. A 5-day visit to the psych ward (fully-covered by insurance).

I have never been to the psych ward you guys, but it really does feel like my only way out right now. She said they take your phone away and only give it to you at designated times—which is insanely triggering to me, because that's what I use to talk to you guys and distract myself.

I have read all of your psych ward experiences, and they sound awful. So what on earth should I do?

It's either get called every few hours and have a temporary friend to talk to, possibly subject myself to a traumatic psych ward experience, or CTB. None of the options sound good. Another option is throw out all the fucking alcohol and get rid of the cursed fucking demon that caused this whole situation to happen in the first place. My psychosis demons came out full force last night, and I was having a 3-way conversation with myself like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Even the stuffed animals are developing their own personalities and voices.

Help me friends, I am scared and running out of ideas. The psych ward lady is calling back in 3 hours to check in on me, so I would like some advice before then if I can.

I really hope you can withdraw from the booze. I have been alcoholic (recognised since 2010)... raging when i start.
44yr old.... I relapsed after nearly 4 years sobriety two months ago. I tried to end things drunk August.
I failed because I was so drunk. Alcoholism (for me) is progressive. As soon as i start drinking I start where i left off drinking HEAVY and non stop.

I can never get or feel better if alcohol is involved. Maybe you could go to the psych ward and get benzos (valium) to help withdrawl?

I dunno... hang in there. Personally I am still going to leave soon, but I MUST do it sober. Best wishes with it all

 

[Anxieyote]

If you think it's your only way out right now I think you should try it. You could maybe bring something that's allowed to distract yourself. If you like music maybe bring CDs. They let me have CDs & I could play them on the little CD player they had there. Or some books you like or have been wanting to read. Maybe movies. When the psych ward lady calls you again, I think you should ask her about what you can bring to distract yourself, that might help you decide & feel calmer. I was really scared the first time I went. I also have problems with psycosis, it was in the psych ward they told me that & gave me meds for it. I wish I could give better advice, I relate to some of what you wrote. I hope whatever option you pick, it goes well.

I have some books I can bring. I suppose my phone hasn't helped me rise out of this state, so maybe it wont be so bad for it to be gone..I am still scared because of my agoraphobia and social anxiety, but getting out of this may be worth conquering those fears.

I really hope you can withdraw from the booze. I have been alcoholic (recognised since 2010)... raging when i start.
44yr old.... I relapsed after nearly 4 years sobriety two months ago. I tried to end things drunk August.
I failed because I was so drunk. Alcoholism (for me) is progressive. As soon as i start drinking I start where i left off drinking HEAVY and non stop.

I can never get or feel better if alcohol is involved. Maybe you could go to the psych ward and get benzos (valium) to help withdrawl?

I dunno... hang in there. Personally I am still going to leave soon, but I MUST do it sober. Best wishes with it all

It is a demon to me at this point. I am scared of it and what it it does; not only to my body but my mental health. I don't think I would be at this point right now if it wasn't for the alcohol, and I will try to hold onto that hatred for it.

 

[ScaredToLive]

Hey really sorry to hear this, you should at least give the psych ward a shot I think, it could be really beneficial for you I think

 

[meetapple]

I would say that a change of scenery might be beneficial to you. Perhaps if you are under supervision you can get medications suited to your situation.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

I very strongly suggest you go. I grew up with a raging and very violent alcoholic parent. Trust me, it won't get better UNLESS you get SERIOUS help. One way or another. I sincerely wish you luck. I truly hope you can get the help you obviously so desperately need.

 

[44nutz1977]

I have some books I can bring. I suppose my phone hasn't helped me rise out of this state, so maybe it wont be so bad for it to be gone..I am still scared because of my agoraphobia and social anxiety, but getting out of this may be worth conquering those fears.


It is a demon to me at this point. I am scared of it and what it it does; not only to my body but my mental health. I don't think I would be at this point right now if it wasn't for the alcohol, and I will try to hold onto that hatred for it.

I had the biggest breakdown of my life when i started drinking again 2017. I had to leave a job i loved. Alcohol and depression won.

I totally gave up. Finally felt beaten after so many times trying to beat my depression, my panic attacks, my self destruction..
I just then tried to drink myself to death Dec 2017 - 15th Jan 2018 I was SO fucked.
15th Jan I prayed to people I loved who had died (I am not religious but i believe certain angels look after me and listen)
i got so angry with drink. The madness... and i decided I wanted to live.

Had many withdrawls with alcohol before but this was 3 days of withdrawl hell (i used valium to soften so not to get alcoholic fits)... anyway long story short I decided to live 18th Jan 2018. I was sober.

The human body is amazing. My liver recovered. It took me over a week to walk properly again though. I had a nervous twitch... but i felt GREAT.

I then had personal hell through 2018 - 2019 but i stayed sober.
2019 was insane, I had to fight to receive benefit money... then pandemic2020 hits and just going madder by the day (but still sober).

Then I relapsed July 2021 - just about 3 months ago.
THEN tried my long planned suicide drunk in August. Failed

I am rambling but yeh - try getting that alcohol out the system first before you decide about suicide. I understand you have mental health issues there I may not be familiar with but I am really familiar with alcohol. Alcohol sends me to hell.... and at times I masochisticly enjoy it.... just briefly enjoy being out of my fucking mind. But the pain now at 44 and over two decades of drinking. Fuck that. I KNOW I can NEVER be better mentally whilst drinking.... and I could never successfully exit this planet whilst drunk either.

If I am going I am doing it right. Doing it sober.

You gotta want to stop it so bad.... and then just roll with it. You gotta want to live to stop too... so its kinda a proper dilemma.