RedIris

RedIris

Member
Feb 23, 2023
15
Note: Mentions of self harm
--- i wanted a place to vent since social media usualy takes these things down. Not asking of anyone to comfort me or reply. You can if you want ofc. Also i do not plan on CTB soon, but i do at a certain point in future.

The title is self explenatory. Im bad at everything.
Im not academicaly nor life smart. My memory and logic thinking are almost non existent. I tried taking better education and ended up in shambles due to stress and unability to keep up with my peers. Whats easy for someone its really hard for me to learn. This eventualy made me start frequently self harming as my only way to release the stress.
Im not life smart either. Im not creative, innovative nor can make good financial decisions no matter how much i try.

Im uneployed at the moment because i have a horrible fear of other people. Even going to the store and passing by another person makes me feel a huge amount of fear and dread. Some time ago i ended up in ER due to serious heart palpitations caused by severe amounts of stress. That stress came from usual daily life - graduation, parents arguing, lot of studying etc. Nothing life changing or heavy to bare.
I hate being like this. My anxiety doesnt let me function along me being the most useless person i ever saw. Only thing i can do is draw but im quite mid in that - and it def wont pay the bills.
I tried taking on tasks, like driving school for example, but it again led me to dreading and constantly self harming. Whenever a minor inconvinience happens in my life i feel so bad about that i need to self harm or i cant calm down for hours. I am fully aware that the situation definitely doesnt demand me to self harm yet i still cant even slightly control my emotions. Im always so angry and frustrated and mad because of such minor inconviniances. I often feel dizzy because of blood loss if i self harm multiple times a day.
I see no future for myself. I graduated recently so im living with my parents under a excuse that i will go to college in a year or two which i certanly know wont work out. Even if i try i know i will drop out. I know what are my limits but my family still thinks that im lazy although i worked day and night in highschool.
As i said, i see no future for myself. If i try working an actual job it will just cause me to self harm even more often and more severely because of all the social interactions. I cant persue a higher education. Im a really weak skinny girl with spine and knee deformatioms from birth that both demand surgeries so i cant do hard manual labour either.
After the next few years pass, i think it will be the end for me. I do have 2 or 3 things that bring me joy in life, but im aware i wont be able to finance myself without putting myself in danger from myself. I see no way i could go trough life.
 
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MrDarkness

MrDarkness

Left sasu, to improve my life
Jun 18, 2023
1,066
I'm in the same state, I just got out of high school, I'll probably die before I get higher education, I'm scared to get a job cause my anxiety is shit, only thing I'm good at is re telling history, but no one would care what I say. I stopped self harming cause it doesn't hurt anymore. I really hate anxiety, I'm planning on getting new anxiety meds to make last few months or weeks more bearable
 
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RedIris

RedIris

Member
Feb 23, 2023
15
I'm in the same state, I just got out of high school, I'll probably die before I get higher education, I'm scared to get a job cause my anxiety is shit, only thing I'm good at is re telling history, but no one would care what I say. I stopped self harming cause it doesn't hurt anymore. I really hate anxiety, I'm planning on getting new anxiety meds to make last few months or weeks more bearable
Did your anxiety meds ever help you? My friend is on some kind of meds for anxiety and depression and she has really uncomfortable side effects like diggestion inssues and pain, headaches, feeling constantly tired and weight gain. She told me her meds made her feel even worse because now she is suffering physicaly too.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
38,945
That sounds really awful what you have to go through, existing here certainly is so torturous, it must be so tiring having to suffer like that. But anyway best wishes, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in a situation that you hate.
 
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アホペンギン

アホペンギン

Jul 10, 2023
2,199
Note: Mentions of self harm
--- i wanted a place to vent since social media usualy takes these things down. Not asking of anyone to comfort me or reply. You can if you want ofc. Also i do not plan on CTB soon, but i do at a certain point in future.

The title is self explenatory. Im bad at everything.
Im not academicaly nor life smart. My memory and logic thinking are almost non existent. I tried taking better education and ended up in shambles due to stress and unability to keep up with my peers. Whats easy for someone its really hard for me to learn. This eventualy made me start frequently self harming as my only way to release the stress.
Im not life smart either. Im not creative, innovative nor can make good financial decisions no matter how much i try.

Im uneployed at the moment because i have a horrible fear of other people. Even going to the store and passing by another person makes me feel a huge amount of fear and dread. Some time ago i ended up in ER due to serious heart palpitations caused by severe amounts of stress. That stress came from usual daily life - graduation, parents arguing, lot of studying etc. Nothing life changing or heavy to bare.
I hate being like this. My anxiety doesnt let me function along me being the most useless person i ever saw. Only thing i can do is draw but im quite mid in that - and it def wont pay the bills.
I tried taking on tasks, like driving school for example, but it again led me to dreading and constantly self harming. Whenever a minor inconvinience happens in my life i feel so bad about that i need to self harm or i cant calm down for hours. I am fully aware that the situation definitely doesnt demand me to self harm yet i still cant even slightly control my emotions. Im always so angry and frustrated and mad because of such minor inconviniances. I often feel dizzy because of blood loss if i self harm multiple times a day.
I see no future for myself. I graduated recently so im living with my parents under a excuse that i will go to college in a year or two which i certanly know wont work out. Even if i try i know i will drop out. I know what are my limits but my family still thinks that im lazy although i worked day and night in highschool.
As i said, i see no future for myself. If i try working an actual job it will just cause me to self harm even more often and more severely because of all the social interactions. I cant persue a higher education. Im a really weak skinny girl with spine and knee deformatioms from birth that both demand surgeries so i cant do hard manual labour either.
After the next few years pass, i think it will be the end for me. I do have 2 or 3 things that bring me joy in life, but im aware i wont be able to finance myself without putting myself in danger from myself. I see no way i could go trough life.
I am in a similar situation, i am also horrible at everything and extremely incompetent. I used to be good at things until my father completely took that ability away from me with his daily verbal abuse towards me. I don't hate anyone half as much as I hate myself. Even after taking the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed me i still feel completely useless and see absolutely no future for myself as well. I feel for you.
 
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MrDarkness

MrDarkness

Left sasu, to improve my life
Jun 18, 2023
1,066
Did your anxiety meds ever help you? My friend is on some kind of meds for anxiety and depression and she has really uncomfortable side effects like diggestion inssues and pain, headaches, feeling constantly tired and weight gain. She told me her meds made her feel even worse because now she is suffering physicaly too.
They did help for a bit but wore off, some meds just don't work for some people, maybe your friend needs to have their meds changed
 
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RedIris

RedIris

Member
Feb 23, 2023
15
That sounds really awful what you have to go through, existing here certainly is so torturous, it must be so tiring having to suffer like that. But anyway best wishes, I get that it's so dreadful feeling trapped in a situation that you hate.
Thank you, aprriciate it. Best wishes to you as well
I am in a similar situation, i am also horrible at everything and extremely incompetent. I used to be good at things until my father completely took that ability away from me with his daily verbal abuse towards me. I don't hate anyone half as much as I hate myself. Even after taking the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed me i still feel completely useless and see absolutely no future for myself as well. I feel for you.
Im glad to see someone similar. I wanna have hope that sometime in the future things will change and a path for good future will open but - but as of now i don't know what are the possibilities for that. I cant do anything right
I am in a similar situation, i am also horrible at everything and extremely incompetent. I used to be good at things until my father completely took that ability away from me with his daily verbal abuse towards me. I don't hate anyone half as much as I hate myself. Even after taking the anxiety pills my doctor prescribed me i still feel completely useless and see absolutely no future for myself as well. I feel for you.
Im glad to see someone similar. I wanna have hope that sometime in the future things will change and a path for good future will open but - but as of now i don't know what are the possibilities for that. I cant do anything right
 
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