Im here at Beachy Head and ready to ctb...

[Pinkmermaid]

In hotel nearby
Planning ctb tomorrow or day after
Been for an evening swim
Feeling strangely calm and almost relieved that my time to be free of emotional pain is almost here
2.worries
1. That I don't get stopped by chaplains or patrols. Am planning on saying I just need time to think about a special person right now blah blah

2. Having the guts to jump and not panicking I will land on a ledge or something..Am taking provisions benzos, vodka and pregsblin to calm me.

3. Will be leaving phone in car and personal stuff in hotel so panicking about taking hotel key card and car key in pocket with me which sounds so stupid in the whole scheme of things. I have letters for people in hotel room.

What if im just mush and they cant identify me?

 

[lost_one]

I am sorry, but if that is your decision I bid you good luck

 

[Worndown]

The hotel probably will not want the key card back.
I hope all goes well for you.

 

[bankai]

I think you're already aware of Secret Dissociation's Beachy Head thread. He went there with the same idea. But then it didn't happen for some reason. He also found security pretty tight and multiple people approached him when he went near the ledge. I think it comes down to luck as well. I don't think you need to be worried about your last comment. They'll be able to identify you. If this is what you want then I hope things work out for you.

 

[Pinkmermaid]

The hotel probably will not want the key card back.
I hope all goes well for you.

I know but all my stuff will still be in there with letters etc and my personal belongings as don't want to leave in car

I know but all my stuff will still be in there with letters etc and my personal belongings as don't want to leave in car

And thank you x

I know but all my stuff will still be in there with letters etc and my personal belongings as don't want to leave in car

And thank you x

I am sorry, but if that is your decision I bid you good luck

Thank you

I think you're already aware of Secret Dissociation's Beachy Head thread. He went there with the same idea. But then it didn't happen for some reason. He also found security pretty tight and multiple people approached him when he went near the ledge. I think it comes down to luck as well. I don't think you need to be worried about your last comment. They'll be able to identify you. If this is what you want then I hope things work out for you.

Yes we have spoken before and heard about SD I am sure you are right that it comes down to luck and your own mind set on the day etc. I will keep you posted if things don't go as planned. .and thank you

 

[RadiantNumber]

I hope you find peace and happiness afterlife

 

[darksouls]

godspeed

 

[Pinkmermaid]

I hope you find peace and happiness afterlife

Thank you. It's weird. I feel like of invincible and calm and a sense of relief already. I went swimming around 9.30pm just before dark in UK. A few youngsters just chilling on the beach and dog walkers. Normally I would spend ages getting changed under my towel after wards but I jist faced the sea, got naked, dried myself,, got dressed and held my head high with a fuck you look to anyone I thought was judging me.
It's like im going to be dead tomorrow. It's like a superpower.

 

[Pinkmermaid]

godspeed

Thank you

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

 

[avalokitesvara]

Take care. I'm sorry it has come to this for you.
If you get to the ledge and change your mind, it is absolutely OK. We're here to support you if you need it.

 

[Pinkmermaid]

godspeed

Thank you

I hope you find peace from suffering, I wish you the best.

Thank you. Currently shitting myself with fear. Have read best to avoid alcohol as can make body relax more but have benzos and still wondering whether to jump, lean ,fall backwards etc.....need this to be a one way trip and not hit anything on way down

Take care. I'm sorry it has come to this for you.
If you get to the ledge and change your mind, it is absolutely OK. We're here to support you if you need it.

Thank you so much. Have tried numerous times before so now think am failure at life and cant even succeed at taking my own life.

 

[Pinkmermaid]

UPDATE
Im still here. Obviously.
Went to Beachy Head thos afternoon. The whole place was covered in fog.
Couldn't see a thing. Sky blended into the sea
Plus the tide was right in. My fault for not checking.
I did bit of a reccy though. It's beautiful. Even in the fog. On the beach that I could manage to walk on due to high tide is all pebbles and looking up it is HIGGGGHHHHHHH!
Then I walked up and along the top of the cliff.
I lay on my belly and looked over the edge a few times but wasn't sure would be a clean jump as ledges etc.
I was looking for the lighthouse but because of the fog couldn't see it.
Even so away from the tourists it was pretty magical and I felt it was drawing me in.
Although I still don't know if I will be able to overcome the SI
I then went to The Beachy Head pub as I was hungry and praying it wont be foggy tomorrow as I've heard the best place is directly between the pub and the lighthouse (that i couldn't see because of the fog).
Ironically I was eating my hopefully last supper in the pub and music was playing Staying Alive which made me kind of chuckle.
If the fog clears tonight before dark I will try again
If not I will try again tomorrow
As I walked back to my car there were 3 police cars and the coast guards running about
Someone was filming them and they asked them not to as they were dealing with a casualty.
I was kind of sad it wasn't me but I cant risk it unless I know its going to be sheer with no ledges.
There were loads of foreign tourists but I wasn't approached by anyone even the few times I was on my belly with my head literally over the edge.
In fact I didnt see anyone who looked like they were chaplains or wardens, just zillions of tourists.
Wish me luck for a clear day tomorrow!