Discussion I'm happy with my life now

[greyblue_bian]

I've had a family discussion today and put basically, my mom countered everything I would have brought up to them before I said it. And, she was right. They've never been wrong when they responded to what I said. They've been in the right. I genuinely have no idea where I've been. Now, I feel more guilty than I did before all this, as I know the things others have said and done to me are now irrelevant because I let them happen. Actually, I've honestly been the cause of everything "wrong" and "bad" that has happened to me. I don't know why I was so convinced my life was horrible when it's been just fine. I've probably just gotten used to being spoiled and took everything for granted. I'm alright now actually, but I've got SN on the way. I'll be using it, and hopefully this time, it works. But, I am really just flabbergasted at how upset and hurt I was towards other people. I have no idea what's happening right now and I have no idea who I am now. But, I'm happy with that. Now, I know I have not and have never been the "right" or "good" person in my life, and that makes me happy. I can't keep this up anymore. I have no more emotional energy for other people. I can't deny what's happened. But, it's okay because I've got SN on the way. And that should solve it even if it doesn't work.

Also, do you guys think that drinking paint thinner would work?? I've only seen this on TV, but I'm actually considering trying anything if SN fails again. Thank you :)

 

[cami]

im sorry love. i hope you find peace in whatever way you can.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for, I think that those who manage to access SN are fortunate not having to resort to a more horrible and risky method.