</3 I am so sorry! That really sucks! :( But maybe it wasnt the right time for uni right now! Im not an expert, but maybe try focusing on your mental health first. And then try again later when your up for it! Pressure from uni while struggeling is a hard combo. (Goes for mostely everyone that is struggeling i belive). Dont give up! Nothing is written in stone <3
Honestly getting kicked out broke me into pieces. I had chosen family over there. I had so many opportunities for one of my passions to major in it. I lost independence. I lost a great lgbtq+ community. I lost my ethnic community. I lost everything. All I have now are asian parents who blame my shortcomings instead of being empathetic. All I have are online friends.
Looks like uni has been brutal. This is my third year in the system although still a freshman in credits.
This was my second uni I was in.
My first uni I was verbally abused by my roommate. Friend took advantage and used me as a homework cheat sheet and got me trouble academically. My friend groupbfell apart. I was dumped a month into a relationship that idk why I even asked out. Over the summer my grandpa died. Another friend blocked me without explanation. Second year of first uni I was constantly suicidal. Summer suicide plan failed I lost some friends. I was lonely.
I tried to fix it by transferring to the s3cond uni. I got in in April. August moved into apartment. Within a week mental breakdown and got kicked out.
I can never be myself either. First uni I could never join asian clubs because my sister was kn the board for one of them, to which she would and had outed me. Christian club on campus. They would harass me and try to get my family members to cut me off if I spoke about the abuse from the organization related to that Christian club.
I wanna die so much.
I wasn't meant to be here.
I'm so different from my parents. I (was) socialist, my parents more conservative. I was lgbt, parents were homophobic. I wanted a break from school, sister would tell me im not good enough unless I was at her standard.
I hate my body. All I have left is gender euphoria. Everything else is shit. I hate my pudgy body. I hate my species. I hate how I look. I hate my curly hair.
when I look myself in the mirror. This is who I look like. But this isn't me.
This is *me*.
*I* am *not* this asian kid I see reflected back on the mirror.
I am gay. Yet I can't find any human attractive. Closest I can get is my crush. But he's human not a furry (humans can be furry but I want someone who is physically a furry, that's how I found my attraction) and he isnt interested in a relationship rn.
This is an accurate representation of who *MY CRUSH* looks like (will not post his furry image of himself to prevent doxxing myself and him on this site)
I hate my family. I hate my upbringing. I hate my parents who forced me to do the same extracurriculars my sister did. I hate my sister for picking on me or looking down on me because I didnt meet her standard of academic excellence on steroids. I hate my dad for yelling at my mom and sister to which it was borderline emotional abuse. I hate my sister for saying I was an adopted kid when I was little. I hate my grandma for *literally placing a golden child-scapegoat* between me and my cousins just because I'm less impaired than my cousins are which made me super narcissistic.
I hate my church for beating the shit outta me (emotionally thank God it wasn't physical) because I didn't meet their standard of being a "Godly person ready to serve the Lord's move on Earth" and attempting to isolate me from the world and hate myself for being gay.
I was never meant to live on this planet.
I want to be dead and reincarnated as the right species on a different planet without bigotry.
