Help I'm gonna die

[jeevasO-o]

It's officially over!!

My mom who was semi supportive is goneee!!! YYAyy!! She fucking talks about my meds having no proof of working for mental health issues and that they just make the brain smaller and breaking logical thinking!
Great!!! Now I either die of my anxiety or I somehow secretly buy them (I have no money ahaha!!) get okay!
please help me.
I CANNOT keep going without my meds?? Am I overreacting? Is it maybe true that they don't actually work long term and harm me?? I used to take antipsychotics and antidepressants. I don't know where they are and I don't know how I'm supposed to buy them secretly since I rarely can go outside by myself despite being a whole adult in my 20s!!??
I didn't take my meds yet for a long while. The effect is that I'm more depressed and bored and I feel like reality goes faster faster and I don't know what's happening. I'm scared I'll go all the way back into being not able to do anything anymore again or even pyschosis. (I don't know if I had pyschosis yet actually. I think I did but I didn't get told by a doctor or something)

I DON'T WANNA die YET. not yet. But I CAN'T go back to the way I used to be!!! I WILL end up in a hospital, I know that. Please help me I don't wanna die YET. I don't wanna go back to the lowest point in my life. I already lost my motivation which is a reason I'm not that active yet here.

If there's no solution I will have to kill myself. I'm sorry. I will NOT deal with that again.

 

[webb&flow]

This may be out there, but, drastic cases may call for drastic measures:

Psych wards administer meds. The crux of your cases is meds. If you get into one, the crux of your issue will be solved.

What do you think dear forumgoer?

 

[Fadenself00]

quick question: did you recently/ were just taken off of the meds (abruptly)? especially ssris can have nasty withdrawl symptoms that sometimes can take months and can mimick psychosis/bipolar

source: had that happen myself

 

[Afterglow]

If you need help affording medications, a semi-reliable way to go about it is by contacting the local church or religious organization.

I'm not too sure about your background so I completely understand if that's not an option, but it's something I've had to do myself in the past when I couldn't even afford running water.