I'm going to try to ctb tonight

[Nikki2020]

I have sn. I'm afraid. I was suppose to already do it but it's so hard and scary. I'm going to fast 8 hours and take some clonazapam before hand and thats it. i read so many posts that should be enough to be successful. i just hope i can do this. I have to. i hope i don't get caught. i hope i don't freak out and tell anyone. i hope its relatively peaceful. the person I'm staying with stays up very late so it will be sometime in the middle of the night or early morning. I'm going to use 1 and a half tablespoons. i don't have a scale. i hope I have the courage and I'm not heard doing this cuz I can't go on another day like this. my mind is racing my heart hurts. i cry everyday. i just need peace.

 

[CarpeJugulum]

you might be heard, and if you live with someone close you could consider not exposing them to the aftermath. maybe a hotel room could be better.
good luck on whatever you decide

 

[MidnightDream]

Good luck lovely. We're all here for you. You can talk to us if you need to, I'll stick around this thread, or you can PM me too.
Why do you feel like you have to do this? There's no shame in being too scared. SI is a bitch.

 

[Nikki2020]

Good luck lovely. We're all here for you. You can talk to us if you need to, I'll stick around this thread, or you can PM me too.
Why do you feel like you have to do this? There's no shame in being too scared. SI is a bitch.

thanks. it hurts too much to explain why i need to do this. I lost everything because of mental illness and i can't go on anymore.

 

[MidnightDream]

That's fair enough, you don't have to explain. Just don't feel like you have to rush into this okay? The roommate situation is a little bit concerning, be careful with that one

 

[Nikki2020]

That's fair enough, you don't have to explain. Just don't feel like you have to rush into this okay? The roommate situation is a little bit concerning, be careful with that one

I know but i don't know what else to do.

 

[MidnightDream]

Try and safeguard your room? Make sure you're in laying down so you can't fall, bucket/bin with you incase youre sick, barricade and/or soundproof the door?

 

[FuneralCry]

It's understandable as to why you would have some fear as after all leaving this world is not always easy. It sounds like you have suffered a lot in life, I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point. I wish you freedom from this cruel existence.

 

[Nikki2020]

It's understandable as to why you would have some fear as after all leaving this world is not always easy. It sounds like you have suffered a lot in life, I'm sorry that life has brought you to this point. I wish you freedom from this cruel existence.

thank you. you're making me cry. everyone I know keeps telling me reasons to live and i feel dismissed. they don't understand the suffering. your words make me feel heard. ❤ thank u.

 

[Shiny]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. Like those before me, I wish you all the peace you deserve.

In terms of the amount of SN to use, 25 grams is approximately 1.47 tablespoons, so 1.5 is pretty much perfect considering the lovely US measurement system. So you shouldn't have any problems there.

If you're concerned about calling for help, I would recommend placing your phone somewhere out of reach, but I think it's a good idea to keep it around. A lot of people realize they aren't quite ready after they jump off the metaphorical edge, and I would hate for you to make a decision you would come to regret. Up to you though ^^

My only concern for you would be the person you're living with. It's a pretty big risk of vomiting if you take SN, and if your roommate hears that... its fairly likely they will notice something is off. If it's all possible, I would recommend trying at a time when you know they won't be around you for 3-4 hours. Having said that though, I understand the feeling of not being able to tolerate living any longer. So if you need to do it while your roommate is home, I send my best wishes.

I hope that whatever you decide will work out, and I wish you nothing but the best. Good luck!

 

[Nikki2020]

Try and safeguard your room? Make sure you're in laying down so you can't fall, bucket/bin with you incase youre sick, barricade and/or soundproof the door?

does anyone know the likelihood of throwing up. I hope I don't. :(

 

[MidnightDream]

does anyone know the likelihood of throwing up. I hope I don't. :(

Pretty high, even with antiemetics

 

[Lily (Osako)]

Sending you love. May you find peace and relief.

 

[farakini]

I know this feeling all too well. Just think things through and know that we're here if you need support. I wish for you peace and comfort on the other side

 

[HerculePoirot]

If you don't have anti-emetics, you are likely to throw up unless you are strong enough (mentally) to keep the poison inside for about ten minutes. After that you will pass out. One or two hours later you'll die peacefully.
Keeping your SN cocktail in the fridge may help. Drinking it with a straw may help too.

 

[Shiny]

does anyone know the likelihood of throwing up. I hope I don't. :(

Unfortunately, it's one of those things that changes drastically depending on the person, and you can't put a reliable percent chance on it. Some people took SN w/o any AE and didn't even feel nauseous before passing out, others took AE and vomited multiple times. Having said that though, AE reduces those chances. So it's good that you have that!

I would be prepared for nausea and vomiting in either case though. I hope that you can have a peaceful exit when the time approaches, but I think it's always best to keep in mind what might not work out in your favor. Since y'know, the world we live in just sucks like that. I don't want to discourage you in any way, or try to scare you. I just think it's important to think logically about what could happen, and be prepared for it. For me personally, I feel okay thinking I might vomit knowing that it'll probably be a peaceful rest after that. I hope it can be a peaceful experience for you as well.

 

[lifeisadream]

So sorry you're having such a hard time & struggling so much. Thinking of you & sending hugs.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm sorry life has brought you to this point. If you go ahead with it, I hope you have a peaceful journey and find release from your suffering. If you choose to postpone, I hope you are able to make peace with that decision also. None of us really know how we will handle the situation when it finally comes for us. I wish you well whatever you decide.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

If you don't have anti-emetics, you are likely to throw up unless you are strong enough (mentally) to keep the poison inside for about ten minutes. After that you will pass out. One or two hours later you'll die peacefully.
Keeping your SN cocktail in the fridge may help. Drinking it with a straw may help too.

I keep trying to tell this to all the new users that keeps saying this, you are going to throw up with or without the antiemetic. (At least most people vomit. There have been a few that didn't seem to) The most important thing is making sure you drink the second class. 95% (the percentage is probably off) of people pass away within an hour.


I wish you the best op <3 it's always okay to postpone. Tomorrow is another day.

 

[makethepainstop]

The timing of any departure in only dependant upon the desire of the individual seeking to depart. Only when the individual in question is ready, can a departure commence. Love to all here.

 

[MidnightDream]

@Nikki2020 how you doing?

 

[StolenLife]

I hope it goes as painless as possible. I wish you peace.

 

[Nikki2020]

@Nikki2020 how you doing?

I haven't taken it yet. I'm feeling afraid and my heart is so sad the closer it gets. I just want it to go smoothly so badly.
i think I'm going to smoke a doobie to calm down.
oops sorry i somehow double posted and idk how to fix it. :( i think i fixed it.

 

[MidnightDream]

I haven't taken it yet. I'm feeling afraid and my heart is so sad the closer it gets. I just want it to go smoothly so badly.
i think I'm going to smoke a doobie to calm down.
oops sorry i somehow double posted and idk how to fix it. :( i think i fixed it.

Bless you :( no one can predict the experience but find reassurance in the fact that it's the calmest and most peaceful method out there right now. It'll be okay, and if you change your mind that's okay too.

 

[Nikki2020]

I fking fell asleep on the couch waiting for my roomate to fall asleep. when I woke up it was bright outside and I got scared. pls give me the strength to do this tonight. I'm so upset that I woke up. I had a dream about my ex of 13 yrs i was trying to hug him but he pushed me away because he was back with his ex which in reality will never happen but it felt so real because I miss him so much. i got to hug him in my dreams one last time. my heart hurts. i miss my family. the pain is indescribable.

 

[theboy]

Peace