think it'll be fine for me to say something 'bout AA meetings. it's just, AA/NA's meant to be a form of "therapy", not religion. but too many insist on defending it as if it were one.
below are all personal takes but I do think it's important to start with one thing, that the "success rate" from AA/NA is about 8% at most, as with prisons/jails.
I have a theory about sobriety. basically some people entered addiction with the best lives they could ask for, while others came into it with fuck all. the first group loses something through addiction, the second group gains some. of course it's still a continuum, you could be somewhere in the middle. I don't know 'bout others but I'm in that second group. my habit has allowed me to cling onto some kind of meaning, and be more fulfilled than I would be if I lose this one last piece of meaning as well.
I been in NA meetings regularly in the past. people typically say AA's "better" than NA but the local group I was in was very devoted and…Idk what you'd call it, pure? NA purists. no shooting up in the bathroom or hooking up sort of stuff. reads them books like it's scripture. lots of participation. people were very welcoming and tight-knit. many had sponsors. I went there three times a week for around four months, just to see what goes, but felt utterly out of place every minute I been there.
it was when I was walking home one day that I realized, man, this place's a bubble. it's a fucking pipe dream more than anything else. I saw a Black youth sleeping on concrete that night. when I was on my way to the meeting he was blazing a joint. not saying he was addicted but I got a buddy at that time, White male, in NA who really was the very few who got totally hooked on weed. now if this Black youth were hooked, would he find any sort of comfort in NA?
I found myself wanting to run the fuck out from them churches because it's so White, and middle-class. I'm a POC myself, and while my family isn't piss poor, college alone was enough for me to be living on a tight budget. I was dazzled by the potluck, I was confused by their kind intentions, I didn't know how to connect or feel a connection with these people. I couldn't even tell if it was me intruding their spaces or they mine.
the only time I felt alright sitting there was when a Black woman came to give a talk. still I found too much of that language to be racist. damn, it's in the AA big book itself.
I talked to an ex-addict once in the psych ward. he told me lots about the historical roots of AA/NA. that it was 1930s middle-class White women running away from their husbands' alcoholism and violence against them. that "admitting to God your helplessness" could be essential for those who thought they could dictate everything, and could very well change their violent behavior. he's White but intrigued me by asking: "don't too many Black people, women, already feel helpless enough about change? what good does it do to make 'em believe they're even more helpless?"
AA/NA sells a mentality and offers support that is helpful for some. but one man's meat is another man's poison.
and by "selling it", I mean it quite literally. cuz I stayed long enough to run for coffee and be in their financial meetings. not that participants keep any money though, it's almost the same as capitalism OR kingpins. runners don't get nothing. but this really is another topic.
