Venting I'm getting sick of living

[DepressionsAHo]

I really want to die but that feeling needed for me to carry through with it hasn't been present since February 13 of this year. I'm still depressed. I still think about dying every got damn day, my brain just will not allow it to happen right now. I'm sick of it. I JUST want to die. There's nothing else here for me in this world. I need for myself to get that final push but I have no idea how to trigger it to get myself there. I'm so irritated.
Sigh

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Be gentle on yourself, friend. And many hugs. I can relate with how you're feeling, been feeling that way for years now. I'm looking at my ticket and wondering what time that damn bus is coming, and if it will be earlier. Wishing, hoping... too bad it's not the bullet train.

Keep researching, one foot after another.... some days may be harder than others, hell, most days are harder than others. But know you're in a safe place here. Hugs...

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Be gentle on yourself, friend. And many hugs. I can relate with how you're feeling, been feeling that way for years now. I'm looking at my ticket and wondering what time that damn bus is coming, and if it will be earlier. Wishing, hoping... too bad it's not the bullet train.

Keep researching, one foot after another.... some days may be harder than others, hell, most days are harder than others. But know you're in a safe place here. Hugs...

Limbo is awful. I'm tired, my bones are tired and aching. I want to go. I need to go. But my mind says not yet. It's exhausting

 

[Final Escape]

I really want to die but that feeling needed for me to carry through with it hasn't been present since February 13 of this year. I'm still depressed. I still think about dying every got damn day, my brain just will not allow it to happen right now. I'm sick of it. I JUST want to die. There's nothing else here for me in this world. I need for myself to get that final push but I have no idea how to trigger it to get myself there. I'm so irritated.
Sigh

I'm having the same exact problem. I'm definitely not enjoying life and understand it's just going to get worse for me unless I bail soon.

 

[oopswronglife]

I like it when people say "Get busy living or get busy dying!" and think they are clever and have solved all your problems. The look on their face when you say "Well it's not my first choice...but dying it is then." amuses me. Gotta take the joy where you can find it.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm having the same exact problem. I'm definitely not enjoying life and understand it's just going to get worse for me unless I bail soon.

Exactly. Just get me out of here. My roommate was telling me I definitely have an infection in my tooth and her friend did and that's how she died. And I'm sitting here in my head like hell ya, #1 goal in life. I wish I could just die that easily but tooth pain is one of the worst pains you can experience. I couldn't do it quite like that

I like it when people say "Get busy living or get busy dying!" and think they are clever and have solved all your problems. The look on their face when you say "Well it's not my first choice...but dying it is then." amuses me. Gotta take the joy where you can find it.

Oy, most definitely. Sometimes you just have to laugh. Nobody wants to see a sobbing blubbering mess. People don't seem to be a fan of that one.
I wonder why lmao

 

[been_there]

Its called ctb for a reason. Some have to wait for a while.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Its called ctb for a reason. Some have to wait for a while.

I get that, I just don't want to

 

[Midnight]

Not much i can say except i can relate alot (for many years) I'd say go for a drive. It doesn't
really cut it for me anymore but yeah maybe it still does for you? iirc you like driving/cars? Take care. Hug

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Not much i can say except i can relate alot (for many years) I'd say go for a drive. It doesn't
really cut it for me anymore but yeah maybe it still does for you? iirc you like driving/cars? Take care. Hug

It's still something I thoroughly enjoy but it doesn't clear my head anymore

 

[deathislove]

I struggle in similar ways man. I'm fucking tired of living. But I'm not atmy trigger point yet. It's frustrating. I've developed a reliability on cutting. I'm scarred practically everywhere. It reminds me I'm alive. Sadly.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I struggle in similar ways man. I'm fucking tired of living. But I'm not atmy trigger point yet. It's frustrating. I've developed a reliability on cutting. I'm scarred practically everywhere. It reminds me I'm alive. Sadly.

Same. I thought my time would be last month and I'm still here. Still miserable. I got my second job and the stress of not being good enough should ware me down enough so that I can finally just go. I'm praying it'll give me that final push. Misery, alcohol and pills are my best friends at this damn point. I need to die.
As for the cuts. Yup. They're brutal on my arms. I created new ones because there's a specific spot on that arm that I like looking at (it's one of the few places I have a freckle on my body and it brings me a small smile looking at it cause I've always loved freckles) so I mauled it on a breakdown and now there's big ugly gashes all over it which was my purpose in doing so. Purpose achieved.

 

[scorpiooo2]

You just have to see where life takes you. You'll know when you can't take it anymore, if you've got any hope left you won't have that extra push.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

You just have to see where life takes you. You'll know when you can't take it anymore, if you've got any hope left you won't have that extra push.

I dont. Trust me. I don't. I only got this job because it (should) provide me the push needed. When, not if, but when I get fired (I always do) I'll have enough saved to give to my family and they should be well off enough to be fine. I'd like to finish my back tattoo too. It's a gorgeous piece

 

[HGL91]

I dont. Trust me. I don't. I only got this job because it (should) provide me the push needed. When, not if, but when I get fired (I always do) I'll have enough saved to give to my family and they should be well off enough to be fine. I'd like to finish my back tattoo too. It's a gorgeous piece

Question. When you get fired from jobs, what are some excuses you've made to the next job?

 

[wanttodie]

me to getting sick of living

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Question. When you get fired from jobs, what are some excuses you've made to the next job?

One: I'm a student, right now, I only work minimum wage or 14 maybe 15 dollar an hour jobs. They rarely ask and it usually doesn't show up in a background check. Background checks are mainly used for verification that you worked there. As for your question, (ONLY if they ask) say something like it was to far and the money you made couldn't justify the trip for your other expenses. Example I quit Olive garden and I said it was because they hired a surplus of employees which didn't leave me enough money to pay my Bills which is somewhat true

 

[HGL91]

One: I'm a student, right now, I only work minimum wage or 14 maybe 15 dollar an hour jobs. They rarely ask and it usually doesn't show up in a background check. Background checks are mainly used for verification that you worked there. As for your question, (ONLY if they ask) say something like it was to far and the money you made couldn't justify the trip for your other expenses. Example I quit Olive garden and I said it was because they hired a surplus of employees which didn't leave me enough money to pay my Bills which is somewhat true

Thanks. That makes a lot of sense.

 

[Ky204]

Suicide used to be my fail safe option and now it's my only option, so I understand where you're coming from. I used to think that if life got any worse I would have an out, and now that it has I'm at a stalemate on how to go about doing it.

 

[HGL91]

Suicide used to be my fail safe option and now it's my only option, so I understand where you're coming from. I used to think that if life got any worse I would have an out, and now that it has I'm at a stalemate on how to go about doing it.

Yeah, thinking suicide is a good back up plan is one thing, but then utilizing it when life becomes unbearable is another. :/

 

[Ky204]

Yeah, thinking suicide is a good back up plan is one thing, but then utilizing it when life becomes unbearable is another. :/

Yeah, once I find my ideal method I'll feel better about it. I never thought offing myself would be as complicated as it's turning out to be.

 

[StillWaiting]

Sick of living but too helpless to get going.

 

[HGL91]

Yeah, once I find my ideal method I'll feel better about it. I never thought offing myself would be as complicated as it's turning out to be.

My method is hanging. I bought rope at Lowe's, and tied it as a noose. Practiced with it already. Have it hidden under my side table behind books and bags, so I can get to it when I feel it's time for me to go.

I figure if kids under 10 years old can successfully hang themselves via partial suspension, so can I.

CTB IS harder than I though as well though. I wouldn't be surprised if there are less suicides per year because people just find it to be complicated to do.

 

[Ky204]

My method is hanging. I bought rope at Lowe's, and tied it as a noose. Practiced with it already. Have it hidden under my side table behind books and bags, so I can get to it when I feel it's time for me to go.

I figure if kids under 10 years old can successfully hang themselves via partial suspension, so can I.

CTB IS harder than I though as well though. I wouldn't be surprised if there are less suicides per year because people just find it to be complicated to do.

It's a decent choice but my only issue with that would be leaving my body to be found by my family. That's why I'm leaning my towards doing it in the middle of nowhere (where enough time would be given so my body could decompose) or ending up on the bottom of the Saint Laurence river (probably by jumping off a bridge).

 

[nzdarkshark]

I'm sick of living too. Of waking up everyday. Of people worrying about me.
It's tiring, draining. Living is hard. I want out. But I have to wait for my supplies, then a good time.
Can't come soon enough...

 

[DepressionsAHo]

My method is hanging. I bought rope at Lowe's, and tied it as a noose. Practiced with it already. Have it hidden under my side table behind books and bags, so I can get to it when I feel it's time for me to go.

I figure if kids under 10 years old can successfully hang themselves via partial suspension, so can I.

CTB IS harder than I though as well though. I wouldn't be surprised if there are less suicides per year because people just find it to be complicated to do.

It's a hard method or at least partial is. I've practiced a couple times but I can never get myself to pass out. What a day itd be if It worked during a practice run. Splendid tbh

 

[HGL91]

It's a hard method or at least partial is. I've practiced a couple times but I can never get myself to pass out. What a day itd be if It worked during a practice run. Splendid tbh

I think I've almost passed out. I get dizzy yet relaxed. Pushing the carotids is really important.

 

[DepressionsAHo]

I'm sick of living too. Of waking up everyday. Of people worrying about me.
It's tiring, draining. Living is hard. I want out. But I have to wait for my supplies, then a good time.
Can't come soon enough...

My supplies done been here for a long time but the testicles and feeling needed to carry it out have been severely lacking. Stupid if you ask me. How do I wish for death everyday but can't quite do it yet? How does a mind recognize its misery, recognize the need to die, and cant just say fuck it and go through with it? Its remarkable and fucking stupid at the same time. Two incredibly different conflicting forces in all of us that are still here

I think I've almost passed out. I get dizzy yet relaxed. Pushing the carotids is really important.

I've tried every which way to push em. Closest I got was a quick drop but that was just my vision going fuzzy. Then I wasn't able to breathe and it felt like I was choking. Nothing painful about it but choking is awful so I stood up. Tried to recreate it a couple times to see if I could drive through it but it never worked

 

[nzdarkshark]

My supplies done been here for a long time but the testicles and feeling needed to carry it out have been severely lacking. Stupid if you ask me. How do I wish for death everyday but can't quite do it yet? How does a mind recognize its misery, recognize the need to die, and cant just say fuck it and go through with it? Its remarkable and fucking stupid at the same time. Two incredibly different conflicting forces in all of us that are still here

Survival Instinct is a bitch. Wish there was a switch to turn it off right? :')

 

[deathislove]

Same. I thought my time would be last month and I'm still here. Still miserable. I got my second job and the stress of not being good enough should ware me down enough so that I can finally just go. I'm praying it'll give me that final push. Misery, alcohol and pills are my best friends at this damn point. I need to die.
As for the cuts. Yup. They're brutal on my arms. I created new ones because there's a specific spot on that arm that I like looking at (it's one of the few places I have a freckle on my body and it brings me a small smile looking at it cause I've always loved freckles) so I mauled it on a breakdown and now there's big ugly gashes all over it which was my purpose in doing so. Purpose achieved.

The alcohol and the drugs, theyre amazing buddies. But, Hopefully you find peace soon, whether it's alive or well not <3