Im fucking done. I'm done.

[Judy Garland]

That's it! This is the push I needed. I was trying to adjust my air conditioner in the window and it slipped through my fingers and fell out onto the ground. The power cord is busted, and I don't even know if fixed if it would even work. I can't live in this apartment for the summer without air conditioning. I have therapy Monday, and Tuesday is the day where I'm going to end everything. This was the last straw. I didn't need this to happen, and it's now pushed me. Oddly enough, Tuesday is going to be my Birthday. I'll see a glimpse of 38 and that's it. I'm tired. I'm done.

 

[foreveralone]

I'm sorry to hear that, people don't realize how bad the heat can make just existing. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

And for what it's worth, happy birthday.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I'm honestly considering CTB before the Summer heat truly kicks in where I live. in July/August I had to go to the hospital twice last Summer because of the record-breaking heat.

 

[Judy Garland]

I'm honestly considering CTB before the Summer heat truly kicks in where I live. in July/August I had to go to the hospital twice last Summer because of the record-breaking heat.

I can't take it. I can't take it. I'm so sick of life shitting on me. It gets over 100 degrees in my apartment with the sun on the windows. I'm in tears. I should have left it alone, but it wasn't draining properly. I can't do this anymore.

 

[Smart No More]

Been dreading the heat here. Our property has a flat concrete slab of a roof which just bakes and turns the place into an oven. Easily tops 100 degrees. The coolness of night isn't long enough for it to fully cool the concrete roof so it gets exponentially hotter day by day. It's usually cooler to go outdoors. I can manage with the portable air con units we have but the cat really struggles. Heat can be a real issue. Do you have money to buy a portable air con unit Judy? They're not super expensive and you just attach the hose to a bundled adapter to fit in your window. Much less faff than the type you'll have dropped. Probably not quite as effective but certainly better than none.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so unbearable. I really hate the hot weather. It really is so awful when things keep on going wrong, that is what seems to happen in this life all the time. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Smart No More]

Guessing you're in the US Judy.... 300 dollar will get you a pretty decent performing portable unit.

 

[Lullaby]

Yeah, you definitely do deserve this, I'm sorry. The heat and Summer make me so much more depressed, so I understand how that's absolutely needed.

I won't have any disposable income until next month, but I would definitely donate money your way to get a new one.

 

[Risperdead]

sorry for the inconveniences.
you may not kill yourself because of a malfunctioning air conditioner ?!

 

[houseofleaves]

I won't have any disposable income until next month, but I would definitely donate money your way to get a new one.

DO NOT:

• Sell, purchase, offer, gift, or request products, materials, or money.
  • We don't allow any transaction or offer for transactions whatsoever on the forum. This website is not a marketplace.

 

[rationaltake]

I understand how one more thing going wrong can push you over the edge.

Will you able to discuss it in therapy at all? Even if you have to be guarded about ctb?

 

[Lullaby]

DO NOT:

• Sell, purchase, offer, gift, or request products, materials, or money.
  • We don't allow any transaction or offer for transactions whatsoever on the forum. This website is not a marketplace.

I've bought pizza and helped out old friends on here in past and vise versus. Didn't know it was against the rules, sorry.

 

[Smart No More]

I've bought pizza and helped out old friends on here in past and vise versus. Didn't know it was against the rules, sorry.

Yeah, tbf I've seen people getting together through the site in various ways. Some of it involving a transaction of sorts. Hell the partners thread often contains posts stipulating that either the poster or postee has/must have means for ctb and relevant expenses. That could be translated as a transaction. I think it's a bit of a grey area even though the written rule could be interpreted as simple and straight. It's not. Perhaps offers of assistance should be done through PM.

 

[Judy Garland]

Been dreading the heat here. Our property has a flat concrete slab of a roof which just bakes and turns the place into an ovens. Easily tops 100 degrees. The coolness of night isn't long enough for it to fully cool the concrete roof so it gets exponentially hotter day by day. It's usually cooler to go outdoors. I can manage with the portable air con units we have but the cat really struggles. Heat can be a real issue. Do you have money to buy a portable air con unit Judy? They're not super expensive and you just attach the hose to a bundled adapter to fit in your window. Much less faff than the type you'll have dropped. Probably not quite as effective but certainly better than none.

I'm looking at the portable units, and I can't afford one. I got this one using HEAP. I don't know what I'm going to do. You understand how important it is to have some cooling. It seems like a trivial problem but it isn't.

Yeah, you definitely do deserve this, I'm sorry. The heat and Summer make me so much more depressed, so I understand how that's absolutely needed.

I won't have any disposable income until next month, but I would definitely donate money your way to get a new one.

I wouldn't expect anyone to donate or any of that, but thank you for the offer. I was already thinking of dying in mid June (orignally moved up from Mid-May) but this life telling me. Enough. Don't stay.

sorry for the inconveniences.
you may not kill yourself because of a malfunctioning air conditioner ?!

It's not just the Air Conditioner. It's my entire life. Failure after failure after failure. Things always go wrong. I was already planning Mid June to die, which was originally moved up from Mid May. Like I said to Lullaby, I think this is my life telling me: "Don't stay. You need to go. Enough is enough". I think my life is nudging me to the end. I have my Sodium Nitrite, and Tuesday of next week is the perfect day to do it because I won't be bothered by people for a whole week. (Therapy etc.).
I'll tell you what. I'm going to call CS Heating and Air tomorrow. If this can be resolved, then life is telling me "It's not time yet". If it can't be resolved, and life has completely shit on me yet again...then life has told me with the breaking of the air conditioner "It's time to go. Don't wait any longer".

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Guessing you're in the US Judy.... 300 dollar will get you a pretty decent performing portable unit.

You can get a decent used AC off craigslist. I sold one last year for $50 to some dude and his sister who were desperate for an AC.

I won't have any disposable income until next month, but I would definitely donate money your way to get a new one.

DO NOT:

• Sell, purchase, offer, gift, or request products, materials, or money.
  • We don't allow any transaction or offer for transactions whatsoever on the forum. This website is not a marketplace.

Personally, I don't see how a kind gesture like this for an AC to help someone out is that big of a deal, but rules are rules I suppose, even though I'm not sure that this kind of thing is what that rule was intended to cover. But anyway, I say the only thing that Lullaby did wrong here was not PM-ing the OP this message privately, and instead making it public.

 

[Judy Garland]

You can get a decent used AC off craigslist. I sold one last year for $50 to some dude and his sister who were desperate for an AC.


Personally, I don't see how a kind gesture like this for an AC to help someone out is that big of a deal, but rules are rules I suppose, even though I'm not sure that this kind of thing is what that rule was intended to cover. But anyway, I say the only thing that Lullaby did wrong here was not PM-ing the OP this message privately, and instead making it public.

I appreciate the advice, and I know it seems materialistic and trivial to say an air conditioner is it. It's just the straw that broke my back. I feel life is telling me "Don't stay". I'm going to give this one more chance tomorrow to see if this can be fixed. I'm calling Country Suburban Heating and Air to see what can be done. I don't have a lot of money, and it's more than generous that people have offered to help; but this burden is mine alone, just as it has been my whole life. I have many burdens, many crosses that weigh down on me and I'm tired. My life is nothing of what I wanted to make it. Nothing. Humans are not supposed to be shut off and shut in like I've been my whole life. Humans are supposed to happily be with each other. Humans are supposed to be loved and love. It's in our very DNA. If I am unable to get this fixed because of finances etc. then I know life is telling me to "just go". I don't have a car or anything to be able to pick a cheap one up or drop this one off somewhere to be repaired. This air conditioner was given to me by HEAP assistance...and I'm sorry that it's been wasted. I wish I left it alone, but it wasn't draining properly, it fell so fast and I wasn't even ready to react.
I was planning on dying in a few weeks as it were. This really just sped things up. It just so happens, my birthday is on Tuesday which gives me the time I need where people won't be able to save me. I won't be checked on for a whole week, until my next therapy session. I'm afraid that when I die, I'll be clawed at by dark things. That I'll be feasted upon by the gnashing of teeth. What if I endure more pain and torture in death. I'm afraid, which is a different feeling than of not being ready. I'm afraid that my spirit agreed to suffer more at the hands of darkness. In a way, I envy those that believe we no longer exist when the body dies. But I know different. I wanted to die on my terms and have a few peaceful weeks to prep myself. I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I'm so tired. I'm scared, and tired. And of course there is the fear that I wake up alive with a massive headache. I really hope that doesn't happen.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Sorry to hear about losing your A.C. I hate the heat. Didn't like it as a kid. I get it that about being the last straw.
Shit just keeps piling on, never any relief.
I wish you the best whatever you decide.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I appreciate the advice, and I know it seems materialistic and trivial to say an air conditioner is it. It's just the straw that broke my back. I feel life is telling me "Don't stay". I'm going to give this one more chance tomorrow to see if this can be fixed. I'm calling Country Suburban Heating and Air to see what can be done. I don't have a lot of money, and it's more than generous that people have offered to help; but this burden is mine alone, just as it has been my whole life. I have many burdens, many crosses that weigh down on me and I'm tired. My life is nothing of what I wanted to make it. Nothing. Humans are not supposed to be shut off and shut in like I've been my whole life. Humans are supposed to happily be with each other. Humans are supposed to be loved and love. It's in our very DNA. If I am unable to get this fixed because of finances etc. then I know life is telling me to "just go". I don't have a car or anything to be able to pick a cheap one up or drop this one off somewhere to be repaired. This air conditioner was given to me by HEAP assistance...and I'm sorry that it's been wasted. I wish I left it alone, but it wasn't draining properly, it fell so fast and I wasn't even ready to react.
I was planning on dying in a few weeks as it were. This really just sped things up. It just so happens, my birthday is on Tuesday which gives me the time I need where people won't be able to save me. I won't be checked on for a whole week, until my next therapy session. I'm afraid that when I die, I'll be clawed at by dark things. That I'll be feasted upon by the gnashing of teeth. What if I endure more pain and torture in death. I'm afraid, which is a different feeling than of not being ready. I'm afraid that my spirit agreed to suffer more at the hands of darkness. In a way, I envy those that believe we no longer exist when the body dies. But I know different. I wanted to die on my terms and have a few peaceful weeks to prep myself. I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I'm so tired. I'm scared, and tired. And of course there is the fear that I wake up alive with a massive headache. I really hope that doesn't happen.

I can totally understand how one thing can lead to what you're feeling when so much crap has been piling up, so consistently, for so long. My life is nothing like how I pictured it would be, either, when I was young, and I guess really naive. You're right, we humans are not supposed to be shut off and shut in and without other human contact.

From how far did the AC fall?

As far as the other stuff about what happens when we die..............I have to believe, for me, that none of those things will happen. Man, I hope none of those things you say happen. I have to believe that we simply cease to exist once we leave. I have to believe that. I would never be able to ctb if I believed otherwise. A massive headache after a failed attempt is always a consideration from just about any method, maybe except from a failed gunshot attempt, or something like that. I hope you can get your AC back in and get some peace over the next few weeks. I'm always for anything that brings peace to anybody, in any way, for any reason, at any time. And for what it's worth, Happy Birthday.

 

[Shu]

Growing up in Louisiana I understand what it's like being in that heat and not having an air condition. We grew up in poverty when I was younger sometimes we would go days and sometimes weeks without lights and water. What I would suggest is what an above user mention checking Craigslist and also just being honest and making a post on either Facebook or Craigslist explaining your situation and I'm sure someone would be willing to either donate you one or sell you one for a cheap price. If you explained your situation truthfully though I'm almost certain someone will help you. I'm sorry you're going through this. Do consider you a friend here. Hope you are able to get a new AC which sure you will. Just ask for help. If there's one thing that I've learned in this life is a swallow pride and ask for help when you need it. Even if that means going on social media platforms and asking. Calling churches. Calling resources in the area etc.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

i understand that, its not the fact that the Aircon Broke but it just triggered the feelings of frustration and amplified them.

I often feel this way too when little things go wrong that don't bother normal people make me very frustrated because I'm already mentally ill.

i hope you feel better later.

I totally relate.

 

[Judy Garland]

I can totally understand how one thing can lead to what you're feeling when so much crap has been piling up, so consistently, for so long. My life is nothing like how I pictured it would be, either, when I was young, and I guess really naive. You're right, we humans are not supposed to be shut off and shut in and without other human contact.

From how far did the AC fall?

As far as the other stuff about what happens when we die..............I have to believe, for me, that none of those things will happen. Man, I hope none of those things you say happen. I have to believe that we simply cease to exist once we leave. I have to believe that. I would never be able to ctb if I believed otherwise. A massive headache after a failed attempt is always a consideration from just about any method, maybe except from a failed gunshot attempt, or something like that. I hope you can get your AC back in and get some peace over the next few weeks. I'm always for anything that brings peace to anybody, in any way, for any reason, at any time. And for what it's worth, Happy Birthday.

It only fell about 3.5 feet. And it fell on grass. It doesn't look damaged from the fall, the only issue is the power cord got ripped off. I'm about to call the HVAC place that put it in and see if they can make a house call to repair it. I only have a few hundred dollars to my name so I hope they can do something. I feel like an idiot. I always lose everything (and everyone) that I gain. I used to have a car, but couldn't afford to keep it anymore, etc. etc. I'm tired of losing. I'll find out what life has to say in a few minutes, if nothing can be done then life is saying goodbye.

 

[Foresight]

Where is the tear in the cord, is it in the center of the cord or did it tear out of the unit? My husband works in hvac so I could ask him how repairable that would be. A 3 foot fall and a ripped cord sounds like it could be fixed.

I hope they are able to help!

edit: he said a cord is 100% fixable. if it ripped and you can see it it's simple, if it teared out of the unit they will have to open it up. There's a decent chance no internal damage occurred from the fall. If you have hvac repair it then it could run from $75 to 175.

 

[Hurt]

I'm so sorry. Is it so hard to buy another one where you live? I hate hot weather too.

 

[Judy Garland]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It really means a lot to me. First, I know I probably sounded bratty like "I'm killing myself because of AC!". That's not how I meant to come across. I live alone, and have very little. My apartment gets to over 100 degrees in the summer because of the sun on the windows and curtains. I'm alone, and I am an Invalid and a Shut In. I only leave to go grocery shopping. I know I've said this before but the conditioner was the last straw to a very hard, lonely, sad life. It would have been the same if it were my coffee maker to break (my portable washing machine is already broken...a waste of $100). I've been homeless twice in my life, and won't ever be again...because then it's a salty drink before any type of eviction. I'm very thankful for what I do have and I know what it is like to be without.
Today, I got a break. I called CS Heating and Air and left a message with the operator whom said they don't repair window units. I wasn't expecting this, but to my surprise I got another phone call. "I'm outside your house (my apartment is in a very old house from I think the late 1800s)" a man along with his boss on the phone completely replaced my air conditioner for me free of charge. I was not expecting this at all. They were very nice about it.
Today, people have the notion that Air-Conditioning is a luxury. It may seem like it is, but it's not supposed to be. For your overall well-being it's important to have a comfortable home during the summer. I've lived without for a time and I was literally naked the whole summer while sweating bullets. Literally, I didn't get dressed at all.
If anyone in the United States reads this, you may be able to get an air conditioner through the HEAP program. That's how I originally got mine. In New York State you can sign up at Social Services in your county. It's a two second application where you just put your address and social security number. They approve you right away.
I'm sure it's the same thing in other states.
Please don't suffer if you don't have to. Heating and air are both equally important in our climate. All of your posts were helpful to read in a tough time. Thank you all, and please look into the HEAP program if you are in need of cooling this summer.

 

[Anxieyote]

I'm alone, and I am an Invalid and a Shut In. I only leave to go grocery shopping.

My grocery store does delivery for just a $10 fee. You might look into that if you get paralyzed with fear like I do at the thought of even being in the grocery store for longer than 30 minutes.

 

[Al Cappella]

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It really means a lot to me. First, I know I probably sounded bratty like "I'm killing myself because of AC!". That's not how I meant to come across. I live alone, and have very little. My apartment gets to over 100 degrees in the summer because of the sun on the windows and curtains. I'm alone, and I am an Invalid and a Shut In. I only leave to go grocery shopping. I know I've said this before but the conditioner was the last straw to a very hard, lonely, sad life. It would have been the same if it were my coffee maker to break (my portable washing machine is already broken...a waste of $100). I've been homeless twice in my life, and won't ever be again...because then it's a salty drink before any type of eviction. I'm very thankful for what I do have and I know what it is like to be without.
Today, I got a break. I called CS Heating and Air and left a message with the operator whom said they don't repair window units. I wasn't expecting this, but to my surprise I got another phone call. "I'm outside your house (my apartment is in a very old house from I think the late 1800s)" a man along with his boss on the phone completely replaced my air conditioner for me free of charge. I was not expecting this at all. They were very nice about it.
Today, people have the notion that Air-Conditioning is a luxury. It may seem like it is, but it's not supposed to be. For your overall well-being it's important to have a comfortable home during the summer. I've lived without for a time and I was literally naked the whole summer while sweating bullets. Literally, I didn't get dressed at all.
If anyone in the United States reads this, you may be able to get an air conditioner through the HEAP program. That's how I originally got mine. In New York State you can sign up at Social Services in your county. It's a two second application where you just put your address and social security number. They approve you right away.
I'm sure it's the same thing in other states.
Please don't suffer if you don't have to. Heating and air are both equally important in our climate. All of your posts were helpful to read in a tough time. Thank you all, and please look into the HEAP program if you are in need of cooling this summer.

I'm happy for you that a solution was found to your a/c's untimely demise. As for that sounding bratty—not at all. It happens so often that the littlest things become breaking points, precisely because carrying all our shit around is so exhausting and trying. I knew a guy, a waiter, who threw his back out completely trying to pick a fork up off the floor. Who would ever think that would do it, right? Same thing, that fork just happened to be the thing that had his back saying "screw you, no more".

 

[Lostandlooking]

I'm so happy you got a replacement. Even though it might not change your plans to ctb. You deserve to be comfortable. I'm hoping no more unforeseen practical hassle will come your way. (I don't know if I phrased that right, but I hope the message comes across)

 

[virgilwalks]

Glad you got a/c sorted and it's not a "luxury" - hot New York summers are brutal. You deserve to be comfortable. It's not a small thing. An a/c in 100 degree heat is not a small thing it's a big thing and you got it sorted.

 

[Lullaby]

Really glad to hear everything worked out @Judy_Garland <3

Glad you got a/c sorted and it's not a "luxury" - hot New York summers are brutal. You deserve to be comfortable. It's not a small thing. An a/c in 100 degree heat is not a small thing it's a big thing and you got it sorted.

I live in NY and it's the worst. My bedroom faces a fire escape and I couldn't get an AC in there, I would be so miserable and depressed due to the heat.

I ended up getting a portable AC and it's amazing. It helps so much. The Summer effects so many people in the worst way, sometimes they don't even realize it.

 

[msci4499]

The last straw, I know how it feels