I'm forced to go to therapy because of my parents.. how do I make the most of it?

[ijustwishtodie]

It's what the title says really. Now, just to clarify, I live at home despite being an adult and I'm basically under my parent's control because, firstly, I'm autistic and, secondly, my parents are asian who I can't refuse to because the word "no" doesn't exist in asian culture.

My mum have been concerned with my lack of friendships as well as how I rot in my room all day (I guess it makes sense to be concerned of those things from their perspective) and so she decided to get me therapy in the chance that this improves. I can't say to her that I don't want therapy because that obviously won't go well due to the aforementioned asian culture part

The issue is that I don't really have any desire or motivation to improve. Even if I delude myself into thinking that I want to improve, I know that deep down, the only desire I have is the same as what is shown in my username hence I wouldn't manage to do any improvement. Also, even if I did want to improve, I know that the therapists here are incapable of helping me with that because they're free therapists from the UK... which aren't really known for being the best

I don't really know what to do. I know that, even if I try to improve myself regarding socialisation, it will be futile because my socialisation skills are too fucked to be improved upon. I know most users here will disagree with that as "just like with all skills, social skills are a skill which can be improved on" but all I can really say is that I know myself enough to know that I'm too fucked to improve regarding socialisation... not to mention that I have no motivation to do so anyway.

I've actually gotten used to me not socialising and rotting in bed all day but I know that, if I stay like this and not ctb, I will have to eventually socialise one day and me not being able to socialise will cause me more suffering down the line. I like to delude myself into thinking that I would kill myself before that happens but that's just cope as I get too overwhelmed by survival instinct to kill myself.

If I could be a NEET so that I wouldn't have to exert any effort at all, I would but sadly I can't be a NEET as my parents are poor and want me to slave away.

This means that, if I want to suffer less, I have to work on myself but this just isn't something I want to do... though it might be something that I'm forced to do. Therefore, even if I have no motivation to go through with therapy, I'm wondering how I can make the most of it whilst I am having this opportunity

I know this post isn't coherent at all but that's because I am too stressed about this whole therapy thing to think coherently. I truly wish I could be left alone and have no exposure to the outside world but I'm forced to

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

seems like you don't have a choice tbh

if you have no motivation to do therapy and are just there because you are forced to be there, just lie to ur therapist and crawl back to your bed lol

but you could also take the opportunity and really get help if that's what you want

 

[ijustwishtodie]

seems like you don't have a choice tbh

Sadly not. I'm forced into it due to my parents

if you have no motivation to do therapy and are just there because you are forced to be there, just lie to ur therapist and crawl back to your bed lol

I would lie but I'm not good at lying due to my autism. My lies will get sniffed out basically immediately

but you could also take the opportunity and really get help if that's what you want

I don't really want help but, at the same time, I don't want to suffer and perhaps this might be a way to work on minimising future long term suffering. Of course the best way for me to minimise my long term suffering would be to not be alive for the long term but I know I don't have the courage for that. All in all, I believe that my "goal" here is to minimise as much of my suffering as possible

My mind is so confused and full of pain right now so, if what I'm saying doesn't make sense, that's why

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Sadly not. I'm forced into it due to my parents

I would lie but I'm not good at lying due to my autism. My lies will get sniffed out basically immediately

I don't really want help but, at the same time, I don't want to suffer and perhaps this might be a way to work on minimising future long term suffering. Of course the best way for me to minimise my long term suffering would be to not be alive for the long term but I know I don't have the courage for that. All in all, I believe that my "goal" here is to minimise as much of my suffering as possible

My mind is so confused and full of pain right now so, if what I'm saying doesn't make sense, that's why

from an outsider's perspective, perhaps the only option you have is actually "getting help"/honestly talking with the psychiatrist.

you want to minimise future long term suffering, meaning you want to continue to live? so perhaps you could at least try to talk and see how you feel afterwards

 

[ijustwishtodie]

you want to minimise future long term suffering, meaning you want to continue to live?

No, that isn't what that means at all. The only true way to minimise suffering is for me to die early as, if I die today, I wouldn't be alive to suffer tomorrow, the day after and so forth. I don't want to live but I'm forced to because suicide is risky for me to do. I hope that clarifies your question. I don't want to live voluntarily... I'm forced to live

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

No, that isn't what that means at all. The only true way to minimise suffering is for me to die early as, if I die today, I wouldn't be alive to suffer tomorrow, the day after and so forth. I don't want to live but I'm forced to because suicide is risky for me to do. I hope that clarifies your question. I don't want to live voluntarily... I'm forced to live

ah i get it now.
for me it's completely the same
failing to ctb is too dangerous

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I think you can use therapy to know more about yourself and even to help you get over the obstacle to ctb. I'm saying this because I've spoken to people on suicide hotlines and I've spoken to psychologists and there were times when my life was so messed up that they trying to help me backfired and gave me incentive to ctb. This was especially true during one of the suicide hotlines chats, she asked so much about my life, I told so much trauma that in the end I felt that I was given the most rational reason to ctb - my life was really awful, there is nothing to look forward to, it just makes sense to go. I've never felt so sad but calm. This is how gloriously they failed at their job.

Also, whether you want to recover or not, you can use therapy as a place to vent your frustrations and let off some steam. You can say what you want and that person will be there for the duration of the session. I've told my psychologist how much I wanted to die, my thoughts on right to die, things like that and I felt good, felt like there was a place where I could verbally share my opinions. Like a different version of Sasu, irl.

Maybe you can try being very honest, being yourself, just using the psychologist to vent what you want without any intention to recover. Since you're forced to go, why not take advantage of that? Do whatever you want, you can even be silent the whole time or just deflect every question to another topic. I'd say have fun, I don't think there's much to lose and maybe you can use this experience to your advantage while at the same time pleasing your parents.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think you can use therapy to know more about yourself and even to help you get over the obstacle to ctb. I'm saying this because I've spoken to people on suicide hotlines and I've spoken to psychologists and there were times when my life was so messed up that they trying to help me backfired and gave me incentive to ctb. This was especially true during one of the suicide hotlines chats, she asked so much about my life, I told so much trauma that in the end I felt that I was given the most rational reason to ctb - my life was really awful, there is nothing to look forward to, it just makes sense to go. I've never felt so sad but calm. This is how gloriously they failed at their job.

Also, whether you want to recover or not, you can use therapy as a place to vent your frustrations and let off some steam. You can say what you want and that person will be there for the duration of the session. I've told my psychologist how much I wanted to die, my thoughts on right to die, things like that and I felt good, felt like there was a place where I could verbally share my opinions. Like a different version of Sasu, irl.

Maybe you can try being very honest, being yourself, just using the psychologist to vent what you want without any intention to recover. Since you're forced to go, why not take advantage of that? Do whatever you want, you can even be silent the whole time or just deflect every question to another topic. I'd say have fun, I don't think there's much to lose and maybe you can use this experience to your advantage while at the same time pleasing your parents.

Thank you for your post... I appreciate it. I'm going to leave for it now; I hope it goes well for me or at least as well as it can get

 

[ForgottenAgain]

Thank you for your post... I appreciate it. I'm going to leave for it now; I hope it goes well for me or at least as well as it can get

Feel free to update on how it end if you wish to share
I've seen some of your posts/comments so I can imagine a bit how hard it must be to be forced into recovery. I'll be wishing you all the best

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Crazy how just a decade ago, the majority of Asian parents would have shunned therapy as a solution because many of them didn't even believe in mental health. Now that they do advise it, it turns out most therapists don't even fully understand what an Asian upbringing is even like so they can barely help. Maybe you'll be lucky enough to find one who does understand though.

If your experience is anything like mine were, you can expect to feel good during the sessions when you open up but outside of that it's doubtful you'll see any major improvement unless you actually do the "homework" they give you. These days many therapists seem to all be overbooked too so you'll probably only even get to see them like maybe once a month if you are lucky.

Be as open and honest as you like, except about suicide, and you may get the best results, if that's even what you want. Some therapists try to play cool and pretend to be accepting of suicidal thoughts as long as your suicidal ideation doesn't put you in immediate danger while others will either report you to the authorities or just drop you as a client or maybe both.