ruinenest
I’ll leave tomorrow’s problems to tomorrow’s me.
- Mar 20, 2023
- 3
Hello, I've only just recently joined.
I feel bad to make this my first post, but I feel I have to get it off my chest. English isn't my first language, so note this to any grammatical / spelling errors please.
I'm in a really bad mental state currently, and my room has been honestly deteriorating with filth and I feel disgusted with myself.
I wake up with dirtiness and thrown clothes all around my room, and it just makes it worse for me to get the energy to do anything about it. I just don't have any motivation, and I wonder if there's any way to get myself to get the energy for it. I just feel bad.
My mom isn't really helping, either. My family situation isn't the best, although I love her. She has… some anger issues she lets out improperly. Even more so, I've been having issues with my… friendships. I don't know why, but I'm ghosting everyone around me. I never respond to any texts because I feel to sick with myself to do so. I'm afraid they think I'm ignoring them, which to be fair, I am. But I wish I could just be a machine to respond to everyone and get it over my chest. It's such a hard task to actually talk to people, especially when there's been some misunderstandings. I just want to take a break from everything.
I wish I could CTB temporarily. I don't… want to leave this world forever, you know? There are things I want to do, and people I want to make happy. Just… a break for a while. I'm not really looking for anything by posting this, I just wanted to talk about it.
When I eventually respond to my friends, I don't really know what to say. I'm not sure if "Yeah, sorry. I felt too depressed to even answer you. My bad." would be appropriate. But I also want to be more honest, you know? I can't really think of any excuse, honestly. But this break from socials and people is actually doing me some good, I feel… relieved.
But anyways, thank you for reading, if you read it. I just wanted to talk about it. Take as introduction, I don't really know …
I feel bad to make this my first post, but I feel I have to get it off my chest. English isn't my first language, so note this to any grammatical / spelling errors please.
I'm in a really bad mental state currently, and my room has been honestly deteriorating with filth and I feel disgusted with myself.
I wake up with dirtiness and thrown clothes all around my room, and it just makes it worse for me to get the energy to do anything about it. I just don't have any motivation, and I wonder if there's any way to get myself to get the energy for it. I just feel bad.
My mom isn't really helping, either. My family situation isn't the best, although I love her. She has… some anger issues she lets out improperly. Even more so, I've been having issues with my… friendships. I don't know why, but I'm ghosting everyone around me. I never respond to any texts because I feel to sick with myself to do so. I'm afraid they think I'm ignoring them, which to be fair, I am. But I wish I could just be a machine to respond to everyone and get it over my chest. It's such a hard task to actually talk to people, especially when there's been some misunderstandings. I just want to take a break from everything.
I wish I could CTB temporarily. I don't… want to leave this world forever, you know? There are things I want to do, and people I want to make happy. Just… a break for a while. I'm not really looking for anything by posting this, I just wanted to talk about it.
When I eventually respond to my friends, I don't really know what to say. I'm not sure if "Yeah, sorry. I felt too depressed to even answer you. My bad." would be appropriate. But I also want to be more honest, you know? I can't really think of any excuse, honestly. But this break from socials and people is actually doing me some good, I feel… relieved.
But anyways, thank you for reading, if you read it. I just wanted to talk about it. Take as introduction, I don't really know …
