Im feeling terrible today and need some advice, i hurt a woman who liked me.

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

So i finally had a match with a woman on a dating site we been chatting and calling everyday.
shes a wonderful person and wants to date me even with my micropenis.
she really likes me we even video call.
the thing is , i am not attracted to her in the least, like zero, zilch, feel nothing.
i know im shallow and a hypocrite.
But shes morbidly obese at 275 Pounds/125kg.
I just have no desire to have sex with or even ever kiss her.
so i told her you a good person and i trust you but i dont want to be with you just for the sake of having someone to care about me.
you deserve someone that wants you in everyway.
shes aware of her weight .
she even told me she would lose weight but i just got turned off already.
i feel bad really bad and i know its a case of a beggar being a chooser.
but should i force myself to be with someone that i have no desire for just because not much other options?
i know im a big hypocrite wanting a woman to accept me for my flaw but i didnt accept her weight and looks.
If there was even a tiny bit of attraction id go for it.
i do fantasize over women alot and love good looking women even average .
i dont know if i did the right thing.

 

[Marine]

No one can blame you for not being attracted to someone just because you have your own insecurities. You deserve someone you're truly attracted to and reciprocally, though it's not always easy when we're facing extreme suffering.

I know I'm desperate to overcome my ED yet in this situation I haven't found a way but I could never settle for someone I'm not attracted to no matter how beautiful they are inside, I just need both no matter what, that's human, and more specifically me. I always feel bad about turning them down and always offer to be a friend but they usually end up dejected anyway...

Things are really rough for obese / deformed people, it's one of the things I'm most scared of I must say. I can't stand my weight / appearance but I'm nowhere near obese thankfully... And even if I think of myself as Quasimodo, most people don't, but I have very high beauty standards too, it's just me, can't change who I am and what I love. I may be a Quasimodo to people I'm attracted to though, I don't know, so I may have to fix that to have any chance at living... I can't say.

Maybe she'll get hot when she'll have lost weight though, but you'll have to wait until then obviously. Maybe tell her to get back to you then ? I know it's a difficult situation and it's likely to take a while but it may encourage her at least, even if you don't get together it might do her good in the end.

You'll probably find other open minded women who you're attracted to though.

I hope we both find someone who's a true match for us.

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

You can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.

IMO, telling her that you are not attracted to her in that way is far better than just ghosting someone -- which is what way too many guys would do. Kudos on that.

Side note: I was skinny my entire life until I quit smoking and menopause hit. I've always had asthma which made exercising a bit difficult. So the added weight compounded my difficulties with exercise. That resulted in a horrid never-ending circle: gain weight, exercise less, gain more weight, exercise even less......... In the beginning, I hated my husband for commenting negatively on my weight gain. However, now I despise myself because of the weight. Since I hate me because of it, I can't hold it against anyone else that would be disgusted by it.

 

[milkginger]

I can tell you a few things from my personal experience and the general perceptions I have had over my 37 years:

- In an extremely depressive period of my life I became obese. I had never been overweight and I suddenly found myself in a deplorable state. I don't think fat makes a person ugly. But before I gained all that weight I was very much courted, I did some modeling work, there were always interested men around me. During and after the depression and weight gain, ALL disappeared, I became practically invisible. Not that I was looking for validation, but today, I see what fat people go through, there really is a lot of fatphobia in the world and for those who are overweight, this subject is delicate! So please don't be unkind about her looks and weight!

- After I lost weight and regained what society expects of a "standard beauty" I saw people I had been in love with before turn to me. And that was very offensive, after all I am more than my body! More than my appearance. Only I know what I went through, only I know what I suffered! Today I talk openly about fatphobia, despite not being overweight anymore, but it's a daily struggle, fighting anxiety and depression and not falling into binge eating. And yes, I've had the extremes of eating disorders. And believe me, it's not easy!

- Please don't think I'm telling you this to make you feel bad. On the contrary, I would just like you to not really reduce it to its weight or appearance. It can cause triggers to fire inside it. It's very painful!

- That said, as for you feeling bad about not being attracted to her, unfortunately it happens! She could be an extremely attractive woman physically to you but you might not be attracted to her anyway. Each person has their preferences and they deal with the consequences of them. What I think is most important in all of this is that you look at yourself and assess whether nanostructures are missing out on excellent possibilities because of a pattern you have established that is suddenly limiting.

But at the same time understand: you are not obligated to do something you don't want or don't have interest in. It would be a violation of yourself. However, you have to have a minimum of emotional responsibility, especially in the way you handle the matter, with empathy and sincerity.

Hope you find what you're looking for!

With love!
Cami

I can tell you a few things from my personal experience and the general perceptions I have had over my 37 years:

- In an extremely depressive period of my life I became obese. I had never been overweight and I suddenly found myself in a deplorable state. I don't think fat makes a person ugly. But before I gained all that weight I was very much courted, I did some modeling work, there were always interested men around me. During and after the depression and weight gain, ALL disappeared, I became practically invisible. Not that I was looking for validation, but today, I see what fat people go through, there really is a lot of fatphobia in the world and for those who are overweight, this subject is delicate! So please don't be unkind about her looks and weight!

- After I lost weight and regained what society expects of a "standard beauty" I saw people I had been in love with before turn to me. And that was very offensive, after all I am more than my body! More than my appearance. Only I know what I went through, only I know what I suffered! Today I talk openly about fatphobia, despite not being overweight anymore, but it's a daily struggle, fighting anxiety and depression and not falling into binge eating. And yes, I've had the extremes of eating disorders. And believe me, it's not easy!

- Please don't think I'm telling you this to make you feel bad. On the contrary, I would just like you to not really reduce it to its weight or appearance. It can cause triggers to fire inside it. It's very painful!

- That said, as for you feeling bad about not being attracted to her, unfortunately it happens! She could be an extremely attractive woman physically to you but you might not be attracted to her anyway. Each person has their preferences and they deal with the consequences of them. What I think is most important in all of this is that you look at yourself and assess whether nanostructures are missing out on excellent possibilities because of a pattern you have established that is suddenly limiting.

But at the same time understand: you are not obligated to do something you don't want or don't have interest in. It would be a violation of yourself. However, you have to have a minimum of emotional responsibility, especially in the way you handle the matter, with empathy and sincerity.

Hope you find what you're looking for!

With love!
Cami

By the way, pardon my crappy English. It's not my native language and I haven't communicated in English for a long time!

 

[CTBgenuine]

If your tiny penis is a source of pain, why not save up for a penis enlargement? I knew a man who had one and he gained 4 inches

 

[LucyB]

So i finally had a match with a woman on a dating site we been chatting and calling everyday.
shes a wonderful person and wants to date me even with my micropenis.
she really likes me we even video call.
the thing is , i am not attracted to her in the least, like zero, zilch, feel nothing.
i know im shallow and a hypocrite.
But shes morbidly obese at 275 Pounds/125kg.
I just have no desire to have sex with or even ever kiss her.
so i told her you a good person and i trust you but i dont want to be with you just for the sake of having someone to care about me.
you deserve someone that wants you in everyway.
shes aware of her weight .
she even told me she would lose weight but i just got turned off already.
i feel bad really bad and i know its a case of a beggar being a chooser.
but should i force myself to be with someone that i have no desire for just because not much other options?
i know im a big hypocrite wanting a woman to accept me for my flaw but i didnt accept her weight and looks.
If there was even a tiny bit of attraction id go for it.
i do fantasize over women alot and love good looking women even average .
i dont know if i did the right thing.

I think you did the right thing. Don't lead a woman on it will just hurt her more in the long run. These are not the bodies we were born in. People don't get fat and men don't have micro penises. This evil shit can't last forever.

 

[come to dust]

As a fellow ugly person, I can say that expanding my tastes in people and becoming more open minded is possible. I used to only conform to the narrow societal beauty standards. But eventually i started looking into fetish communities etc and the more i looked at and normalised other kinds of bodies the more open I became. I'd happily date a morbidly obese person now, even though I myself am slim. Browsing the gainer community really gave me an appreciation for such types. Besides, fat people feel comfier in bed.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

The issue if you're not physically attracted to someone, there's going to be no sexual compatability and the relationship will suffer anyways, unless you're in one of those relationships without intimacy.

You cannot help who and what you're attracted to (within reason).

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

This begs the question of how did you match in the first place if you feel no physical attraction?

Of course I know the answer is probably something about how swiping on everyone increases your chances of getting a match but clearly a match alone isn't a guarantee for a favorable outcome. If you truly don't think you can ever see yourself developing an attraction to her it might be time to let her know now before it's too late though it might also be helpful to focus on trying to expand your horizons or at least be more scrutinizing next time you're on an app.

 

[Cathy Ames]

so i told her you a good person and i trust you but i dont want to be with you just for the sake of having someone to care about me.
you deserve someone that wants you in everyway.
shes aware of her weight .
she even told me she would lose weight but i just got turned off already.
i feel bad really bad and i know its a case of a beggar being a chooser.
but should i force myself to be with someone that i have no desire for just because not much other options?
i know im a big hypocrite wanting a woman to accept me for my flaw but i didnt accept her weight and looks.
If there was even a tiny bit of attraction id go for it.
i do fantasize over women alot and love good looking women even average .
i dont know if i did the right thing.

Yes, you did do the right thing. You feel bad because you are a good person and have compassion for her, but the kindest thing is to be honest. And leading people on and/or ghosting them or (yuck) "settling" for them totally sucks.

It's true that she will be better off with someone who wants her for who she already is. Losing weight for another person is not healthy. Hopefully both of you will find someone.