clown_17
Almost gone, it almost worked
- Oct 24, 2020
- 287
Okay so I'll explain. This isn't advice on suicide. I just think you guys are the kind of people who would give me actual advice instead of saying something useless like: "help is out there <3"
So I'm trying to get high. The thing is I'm unable to because I'm on antipsychotic medications. Either that or my brain is just fried which could be. But I literally am so unable to feel any positive emotion and that includes being high. No headspace, no calmness, no euphoria, no visuals. The reason why i'm on this pursuit anyways is because I feel that I should be able to enjoy at least some amount of my time in earth and I definitely have no enjoyed any so far.
Anytime I drink no matter how much I drink I just feel either sleepy or depressed. Anytime I smoke weed I just get sleepy and depressed. When I take ambien which used to be euphoric for me before meds I just feel zombified. I have a Vyvanse prescription but I've never found that euphoric at all, it just makes me alert and sometimes agitated.
Maybe my approach to these drugs is what fails me. I've snorted ambien but that does nothing. I haven't railed Vyvanse but I though Vyvanse only works in the stomach because of the way it's designed. I also only have a weed vape and haven't smoked from a bong or joint so maybe that could make a difference. Any input wether anecdotal or not is helpful here.
No I am not quitting my meds. Anytime I stop taking them I am in literal agony. If you don't want to help me or think my pursuit is dumb/impossible you're free to scroll away. I don't need a reminder that I'm trying to do soemtbing that probably isn't possible.
So now my question is: what is the best drug for me? I've wondered if opiates would be euphoric or if that would be a bust too. I have no hope with psychedelics because my meds would remove any effect. I'm wondering if maybe my solution is to mix drugs instead. I've tried weed + alcohol combo and one time it was nice but another time it made me feel like shit so I'm writing that one out. I've also tried weed + nutmeg (I read it could potentiate) but it just made me feel dissociated.
If anyone's still following me and doesn't think this hopeless already here's problem 2:
Access.
I have basically no social connections so my hope of getting a dealer is next to none. Now I know that dating apps are an option but I'm not sure how to approach that. Do I just match with people and ask if they have drugs? That sounds like a very ineffective approach but if it actually works let me know. Is there a trick to it? Like a certain type of profile that indicates that they have drugs? And I'm not willing to meet someone and pretend I'm interested in them romantically just so I can get their drugs so thats not an option. Also I feel no one would sell or offer anything to me in person because I'm just awkward and off putting so online would probably be the best. They'd probably think I'm a cop.
Also I'm not going the online/crypto route. I'm really fucking stupid and I don't understand crypto at all. Also I live with family and they check our packages pretty regularly so that wouldn't be too good.
So maybe there is no easy way. And maybe this is stupid. But if you have any advice you think might be applicable I'd appreciate that. And if you want to call me an idiot and tell me to off myself that's okay too. I'm sure this whole post is annoying and pretentious as hell. But if anyone actually has any info to offer I really appreciate it. We're all just people trying to get by and I'm sure you people on this site would understand that more than anyone
So I'm trying to get high. The thing is I'm unable to because I'm on antipsychotic medications. Either that or my brain is just fried which could be. But I literally am so unable to feel any positive emotion and that includes being high. No headspace, no calmness, no euphoria, no visuals. The reason why i'm on this pursuit anyways is because I feel that I should be able to enjoy at least some amount of my time in earth and I definitely have no enjoyed any so far.
Anytime I drink no matter how much I drink I just feel either sleepy or depressed. Anytime I smoke weed I just get sleepy and depressed. When I take ambien which used to be euphoric for me before meds I just feel zombified. I have a Vyvanse prescription but I've never found that euphoric at all, it just makes me alert and sometimes agitated.
Maybe my approach to these drugs is what fails me. I've snorted ambien but that does nothing. I haven't railed Vyvanse but I though Vyvanse only works in the stomach because of the way it's designed. I also only have a weed vape and haven't smoked from a bong or joint so maybe that could make a difference. Any input wether anecdotal or not is helpful here.
No I am not quitting my meds. Anytime I stop taking them I am in literal agony. If you don't want to help me or think my pursuit is dumb/impossible you're free to scroll away. I don't need a reminder that I'm trying to do soemtbing that probably isn't possible.
So now my question is: what is the best drug for me? I've wondered if opiates would be euphoric or if that would be a bust too. I have no hope with psychedelics because my meds would remove any effect. I'm wondering if maybe my solution is to mix drugs instead. I've tried weed + alcohol combo and one time it was nice but another time it made me feel like shit so I'm writing that one out. I've also tried weed + nutmeg (I read it could potentiate) but it just made me feel dissociated.
If anyone's still following me and doesn't think this hopeless already here's problem 2:
Access.
I have basically no social connections so my hope of getting a dealer is next to none. Now I know that dating apps are an option but I'm not sure how to approach that. Do I just match with people and ask if they have drugs? That sounds like a very ineffective approach but if it actually works let me know. Is there a trick to it? Like a certain type of profile that indicates that they have drugs? And I'm not willing to meet someone and pretend I'm interested in them romantically just so I can get their drugs so thats not an option. Also I feel no one would sell or offer anything to me in person because I'm just awkward and off putting so online would probably be the best. They'd probably think I'm a cop.
Also I'm not going the online/crypto route. I'm really fucking stupid and I don't understand crypto at all. Also I live with family and they check our packages pretty regularly so that wouldn't be too good.
So maybe there is no easy way. And maybe this is stupid. But if you have any advice you think might be applicable I'd appreciate that. And if you want to call me an idiot and tell me to off myself that's okay too. I'm sure this whole post is annoying and pretentious as hell. But if anyone actually has any info to offer I really appreciate it. We're all just people trying to get by and I'm sure you people on this site would understand that more than anyone
