I’m dependent on people who hate me.

[Omega290]

I have a crazy suspicion that the people I depend on for food and shelter are pushing me toward suicide. It's almost like my suffering day in and day out just feeds their egos. Two days ago I told my grandparent that there were mushrooms growing in the yard and he says "maybe you should eat one and see if it kills you". And they wonder why I don't talk much. I'm starting to see how all of my mental problems can be traced back to them. I have been conditioned to be a socially awkward freak because everything I say gets turned around on me. How the hell do I get out of this situation? I'm terrified of being homeless but I don't think Ill have a choice pretty soon. My parents drove me out of their house and I came here. Now I have nowhere else to go. I'm too weak to survive on the streets so I may have to kill myself soon. Sometimes I dream of having a life of my own just so I can rub it in their god damn faces, but I'm too damaged mentally for that to ever happen. Are there any jobs that an extremely awkward person can do from home? I've tried keeping a job but I've only ever lasted 6 months and everyone is just ready to kill me by the time I quit.

 

[Midgardsorm]

What a unpleasant thing your grandparent said. If they weren't lending you a place I would advice you to say: "Or maybe I could put on your as* to see if scratches."

Well, if you still have the will to live, try to find a job while you're there, at least you can get out of this toxic place.

 

[Jumping_realms]

I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

Are you in the USA or Canada? Maybe if so you could take a seasonal job trimming weed in the Pacific Northwest or British Columbia, CA etc.. They don't pay bad at all. Just a thought, because it's legal and they would set you up in a room alone if thats what you preferred with a stereo or TV as long as there was sufficient production coming out... lol

Just disregard if it's something of 0 interest to you, just throwing it out there.

 

[Omega290]

I'm sorry you are dealing with that.

Are you in the USA or Canada? Maybe if so you could take a seasonal job trimming weed in the Pacific Northwest or British Columbia, CA etc.. They don't pay bad at all. Just a thought, because it's legal and they would set you up in a room alone if thats what you preferred with a stereo or TV as long as there was sufficient production coming out... lol

Just disregard if it's something of 0 interest to you, just throwing it out there.

I'm in the US but not in a legal state, sadly. That sounds like it would be a pretty good job though.

What a unpleasant thing your grandparent said. If they weren't lending you a place I would advice you to say: "Or maybe I could put on your as* to see if scratches."

Well, if you still have the will to live, try to find a job while you're there, at least you can get out of this toxic place.

I can never think of comebacks to say in the moment, they always come to me minutes later. I'm sure that's why I have so much anger inside me. I either need to get a job or kill myself because both those things are better than being homeless. Imo

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm in a similar situation though I can assume a bit older than you. It's really hard living with toxic people you can't trust. I understand needing a job and absolutely not accepting the homeless route. I can't think of any jobs to do from home...I can't find any. I wish I could be of more help. All I know is I relate and it fucking sucks.

 

[Celerity]

I'm sorry. I don't know what to say. Your family is awful. Goddamn.

 

[Antigonish]

I constantly talk about suicide and death. To the point people assume it's part of my natural humors. The line between being suicidal and naturally melancholy is very thin. Some people are depressed and some people just have a natural affinity to it. (Artist, writers, singers, poets, etc.)

Basically what I'm saying is they could be shitty persons. Or they're just having a hard time understanding what you're going through, so their shallow minds resort to vague understandings that explain the things they don't know anything about. And i also realize it can be hard for you to talk about it, for fear of rejection, not being taking seriously, or being labeled as crazy. But atleast you could try, then go from there. You kinda honestly have nothing to lose, if you do decide to ctb. But everything to gain, if they realize the seriousness behind your situation.

 

[Omega290]

I used to talk about suicide every now and then, or at least make negative comments about the world. Now I mostly just keep those thoughts to myself because I know they can't help me or they don't understand me. I still have a depressed look on my face most of the time and people will usually take offense to that and say something hurtful. I definitely have a natural affinity to it based on personality tests that I've taken. I'm really high in neuroticism and that doesn't jive well with most people. People tend to say hurtful things even when I'm just trying to make light conversation with them. So most of the time it's better for me not to say anything. I really just want to be completely alone or die.

 

[FuneralCry]

People can really be cruel and are capable of causing us a lot of pain. I'm sorry you are stuck in such an awful situation. I wish you well.