Help I'm ctbing by hanging

[Train]

Hi everyone. First of all, I'm sorry for my English. I'm not native.

I'm isolated in a small town during confinement. I desperately need to die. I thought about going to the train tracks at night and trying to put my head on the rail, but the feeling of loneliness, fear and the fact of not complying with quarantine could make me regret, or worse, be fined by the police.


I think the most accessible method for me is hanging. There's an abandoned barn? near my house. I won't be found until the morning or even more. There's a rope that I think will support my body weight. I'm trying full suspension. I think it's the best option. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I've also tried to make several slipknots and I think I can do it right.

I CAN'T fail. I want to make sure I will success. I'm young, I've read all the instructions in English and I'm afraid of failing. I've read a lot of threads but if you want to leave some last advices I'd be very thankful.* Also the train decapitation is still an option and considering the fear of failing maybe it's best.

*The advices don't have to be just about the method. I would also appreciate knowing if there is any way to make my last few minutes a less stressful situation. I have thought about listening to music, fasting or maybe taking benzos.

Thank you for the valuable information this forum offers. I wish all who are suffering to find calm.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

It´s always interesting when a person chooses full suspension since it´s fool proof I would just advice to use a slipknot it´s more secure and stronger,

Also train decapitation also seems fool proof and I have even considered it if other methods werent available.

 

[Train]

Right know I can't think of other methods that are less 'aggresive'. I searched about ctbing from car exhaust but it seems to be way more complicated than they make it look in films

 

[Halnas]

When suicides fail, it's most of the time because of reconsideration or because of getting found and "saved" too early.
Both train and full suspension (if rope and mounting is strong enough) are as foolproof as it gets.
So whatever method gives you less risk of someone else coming to stop you is the best one.

Full suspension is a bit risky to get painful. You will still die, but if the rope allignes wrong, it could get painful till you pass. And there is no way back once you are hanging, so whatever instinct kicks in can't change it.

Trains might have a different schedule now, maybe there is none active on the track that you want? Is the police checking on people who walk around? Just consider that and decide for yourself.

 

[Train]

There's not much police surveillance around here. A few nights ago I heard a train near here but it's not regular. It must be a freight train. Waiting alone at night on the train tracks could make me regret and go back home. That's why I think I should definitely take the risk of pain and try to hang myself.

 

[Halnas]

I can totally imagine how waiting for maybe hours till a train arrives, and then you are probably not fast enough and miss it because you are half asleep, would make you think "Nah, screw that, i am going home, maybe another day". It certainly would happen to me. You need the exact time to know that there will be a train if you ctb like that.

Hanging is the most chosen method and many many people manage to do that. It's not as complicated as online forums like this one make it seem. If it would be, then we would have more stories about people getting saved and telling us the horror stories of pain. All failed hanging stories here in this forum are about "rope" breaking or the mounting point not being strong enough and none of them has any long-lasting damage or pain. So if you can make sure that the rope supports you, and maybe even double your body weight, because you never know, then you are save.
The worst thing that could happen with hanging is dying by asphyxiation, which i could imagine is painful, but not that horrible. Compared to the pain of ctb by jumping in a river or ctb by traffic accident, it's nothing.

Edit:
And we are talking about ending life here, that most of the time involves pain, also for natural deaths. Ever heard how horrible common heart attacks are? Compared to that, the little asphyxiation pain for a minute, in the worst case, is nothing. You probably go in a less painful way than you would do by continuing life and waiting for death to come to you.

 

[Train]

Thank you so much. Your words have really comforted me.

Is there anything I can try to avoid dying from asphyxiation or make this less painful?

 

[Halnas]

Sure, by testing it first.
Put a rope around your neck with a slipknot and try different positions and strengthen it with your hands (so if you are going to pass out, it loosens by itself and nothing happens) and see what position is more comfortable. You have to put it somewhere at the base of your neck. Target is to compress the carotid artery without compressing the airway. It needs about 10 to 15kg of force to compress it.
If you got a comfy position, just adjust the rope and tighten it in that position before you jump/push chair away/whatever.

There is no ultimate guide to where to position the rope, because it might differ from person to person. Same with the force that you need. If you are chubby, you will need more.
Some general threads about hanging here try to give advise about where to put the rope. You can take that as a suggestion, but nothing more. You have to figure it out yourself by testing.

and btw. it is my choosen methode too, just that i have partial hanging prepared, because i do it in a flat where nobody sees it and auto-notify the police a few hours later, so that nobody has any trouble - but i just do that because it is possible for me and i found a nice spot. If i wouldn't have that, i would also just take the first opportunity and be done with it.
I am not saying much about my situation or exact date (it's soon™) because i am paranoid about someone screwing my plans up that are prepared for quiet a while now (probably too long, should have done it before that CoVid nonsense).

 

[Train]

Thank you. I'll try this before.

I'm sorry to hear you're in the same situation. Why did you chose partial over full supension?