Help I'm crying inside... please tell me why.

[Centerism]

Hey family,
It's rough being here huh? I've been crying all day today. I honestly don't know why either.

All of you I talk to are so great. And everybody who follows my threads, you are my family and I love you. You've been my foundation these past couple of days. And they've been really hard days. I wanted so badly to ctb the other night, but I was talked down. I guessbI'm glad for that? Well either way I know I preach on how sad it is to lose people here so I think it was seen by some people a good thing that I didn't take my life. The fight is dying though.

I've found a few great people here. I won't soon forget them. Two people as some of you know took their lives this morning. Sad. Really sad. That made me cry even harder. Even though I'm sure they both passed painlessly and peacefully. And they both deserved whatever made them happiest. If that's ctb then so be it. I do understand though. I think of my final act as mercy. And I want everybody to know that when I do go I will be at peace. And your memory will always live on in the next world. You all are so great. Why'd these things have to happen to us?

Again I'm crying... Why?

In these forums I've found peace, honesty, love, understanding amongst other things. I am happy here. I used to frequent a site like this on the dark web that wad recently shut down. When I went looking for it I found SS. I need these walls astound me to get the feelings I so desperately crave. Sadly I'd be gone without them.

Maybe it's the idea that we're so scarred that makes us so down on ourselves. When in reality, we did nothing to ourselves. We only lived one day to next trying to find some semblance of well being. It wasn't or fault we were born. We didn't ask to be born with crippling mental illnesses. We weren't the cause of our abuse and neglect. We just were. That's not our fault.

Still, I'm crying...

Maybe today will get better. I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. Although I fear it's just a candle and is close to burning out.

Sorry everybody for my negative ambiance today. I really do love you. And I wish peaceful thoughts to all of you. And if nobody else does, I understand you.

But still, in crying inside... can anybody tell me why?

 

[JoeFailure]

I have too since this all started for me.

You probably cry for the same reasons I have. Because there are no answers to those questions, not on our planet anyway. And if there's nothing after, it means either there are none at all or for whatever reason we just won't know them. And because so many here and around the world that CTB are really great people.

At some point some of us realize our lives weren't a comedy after all. It's a tragedy.

 

[Ermac]

I know that feeling. Your family is what you make it. Many people here have gone through similar experiences and traumas which make us feel closer than to some people in real life.

Occasionally I think of the "what if" situations. If things were different or if we had a large mansion/island where we could support each other and live harmoniously.

Hard to not get attached. I try to focus on the idea of people being happy they could share with someone who cared and no longer suffer.

 

[pole]

this place has become a foundation for you like you said. an escape haven if you will, for you to talk to and connect and relate with people, open up to people and in all, being comfortable in doing so; something many of us can't do in real life. you've connected with people here on an emotional level. the thought of these people you've connected, sadly being snatched from you and dying is sad. eventually, if not recovered and fixed, many of those connections formed here will ultimately pass away as well. its temporary and it isnt everlasting. maybe that struck you. you've lost a partner, someone you connected so deeply with on an emotional level. maybe you havent truly had an emotional connection of that magnitude since his passing, till you connected with the people you connected with on this platform. and the thought of them not being with you one day, being snatched from you, passing away, like you're significant other did is all too familiar.

after all, were all human. some are sensitive than others. i cry a ton for people i dont even know and havent spoken to, but some i know as mutuals who have passed. its sad, the thought of death and life cut short; especially those going through pain and suffering.

wish you find you're peace and happiness that you deserve. hope you feel better.

 

[DeathImminent]

Hey family,
It's rough being here huh? I've been crying all day today. I honestly don't know why either.

All of you I talk to are so great. And everybody who follows my threads, you are my family and I love you. You've been my foundation these past couple of days. And they've been really hard days. I wanted so badly to ctb the other night, but I was talked down. I guessbI'm glad for that? Well either way I know I preach on how sad it is to lose people here so I think it was seen by some people a good thing that I didn't take my life. The fight is dying though.

I've found a few great people here. I won't soon forget them. Two people as some of you know took their lives this morning. Sad. Really sad. That made me cry even harder. Even though I'm sure they both passed painlessly and peacefully. And they both deserved whatever made them happiest. If that's ctb then so be it. I do understand though. I think of my final act as mercy. And I want everybody to know that when I do go I will be at peace. And your memory will always live on in the next world. You all are so great. Why'd these things have to happen to us?

Again I'm crying... Why?

In these forums I've found peace, honesty, love, understanding amongst other things. I am happy here. I used to frequent a site like this on the dark web that wad recently shut down. When I went looking for it I found SS. I need these walls astound me to get the feelings I so desperately crave. Sadly I'd be gone without them.

Maybe it's the idea that we're so scarred that makes us so down on ourselves. When in reality, we did nothing to ourselves. We only lived one day to next trying to find some semblance of well being. It wasn't or fault we were born. We didn't ask to be born with crippling mental illnesses. We weren't the cause of our abuse and neglect. We just were. That's not our fault.

Still, I'm crying...

Maybe today will get better. I still see a light at the end of the tunnel. Although I fear it's just a candle and is close to burning out.

Sorry everybody for my negative ambiance today. I really do love you. And I wish peaceful thoughts to all of you. And if nobody else does, I understand you.

But still, in crying inside... can anybody tell me why?

Those 2 poor souls leaving today hit me hard too. Hope they are at peace now

 

[Centerism]

I have too since this all started for me.

You probably cry for the same reasons I have. Because there are no answers to those questions, not on our planet anyway. And if there's nothing after, it means either there are none at all or for whatever reason we just won't know them. And because so many here and around the world that CTB are really great people.

At some point some of us realize our lives weren't a comedy after all. It's a tragedy.

It's so true that we seek answers to questions we probably will never have answered. Isn't that sad? I mean we are just curious beings after all. It seems people on the outside looking in at us have answers that keep them happy. why can't we have answeres to the things we seek. Oh well... it was worth the try...

We are all great people. Humanity has really screwed up by not taking us in as concubine's. Their loss.

I know that feeling. Your family is what you make it. Many people here have gone through similar experiences and traumas which make us feel closer than to some people in real life.

Occasionally I think of the "what if" situations. If things were different or if we had a large mansion/island where we could support each other and live harmoniously.

Hard to not get attached. I try to focus on the idea of people being happy they could share with someone who cared and no longer suffer.

It's true we are a family of sorts. It's comforting to know we all have similar stories and that helps us bond, you each other and others around us.

It would be nice if our "what if" scenarios played out. I like your idea of having a Good place where we could all live in harmony. What a nice thought.

If we were happy and hag the ability to share it with others luge would be beautiful. Oh ya. Life could possibly be different just if...

this place has become a foundation for you like you said. an escape haven if you will, for you to talk to and connect and relate with people, open up to people and in all, being comfortable in doing so; something many of us can't do in real life. you've connected with people here on an emotional level. the thought of these people you've connected, sadly being snatched from you and dying is sad. eventually, if not recovered and fixed, many of those connections formed here will ultimately pass away as well. its temporary and it isnt everlasting. maybe that struck you. you've lost a partner, someone you connected so deeply with on an emotional level. maybe you havent truly had an emotional connection of that magnitude since his passing, till you connected with the people you connected with on this platform. and the thought of them not being with you one day, being snatched from you, passing away, like you're significant other did is all too familiar.

after all, were all human. some are sensitive than others. i cry a ton for people i dont even know and havent spoken to, but some i know as mutuals who have passed. its sad, the thought of death and life cut short; especially those going through pain and suffering.

wish you find you're peace and happiness that you deserve. hope you feel better.

This place has become my "rock" so to speak. I do have a hard time when people I've learned to love leave me. It's sad to see such innocent people die, but it's worse to watch them suffer. I hate that. I am traumatized from my partner passing and I think since I'm used to the pain that I just go numb when someone elder I care for passes. It's a sad existence. And I want out.

We are most definitely human. All too human if you ask me. We've learned that we're the type of people who suffer greatly. And all though we think our lives are incredibly unbearable the truth is, other people live with it. Why are we so different?

I'm still looking for happiness. But I've found how to find peace...