Venting I'm broken

[constant_grief]

Last year I was a happy healthy person. Good job, friends, family, hobbies, loved life. Had some bad problems in the past but I got through them and I finally felt confident and was really hope for the future. After a lot of struggles I was on top of things.

But this year it all changed, I developed tinnitus out of the blue one day and it has become chronic. I have struggled for months and now I am severely depressed, panicked, anxious etc. I just cannot cope with this BS disease, day in day out, I hate it and the fear of it worsening is overwhelming. I cannot believe how much it has destroyed me, I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am anymore

I have tried so many things to help cope including counselling/therapy but after my depression is almost overwhelming now, it keeps getting worse. I had one good week a short while ago then my depressing came roaring back from nowhere. Every time I feel I am feeling better I suddenly hit new lows. At this point I can just about function but I feel half-dead.

I don't want to die but I just don't see any other way out.. the only reason I am still going is because of my family & friends. I know they would be devastated if I did the unthinkable, especially my parents, whom I love so much.. but I don't know how much longer I can cope. I would like to have one more Christmas at least. Then after the new year god knows what I will do

I have so much to be thankful for, I lived a good life, I have so many good things but I feel I can no longer enjoy anything anymore.. I wanted to buy a house, have a family, advance in life, but I guess it isn't happening now.

Thanks for reading :(

 

[Gromit-CTB]

So sorry you have to put up with that OP. We are here for you to vent and chat openly. We can't give you methods but we can support and be here for you.

 

[sadworld]

Hey, I'm sorry that your life has turned for the worse. Maybe spending more time with the people you love could help a bit, at least for now. I'm so sorry Sending hugs!

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Tinnitus will be mentally blocked out and you will not realize you have it as often after many years of dealing with it but yes it is annoying.Sounds as if you do not want to have to die to stop feeling miserable.
Thefact you used to enjoy life makes this all much harder for you sorry OP it is not fair for anyone.
I assume you have tried to have your mental health treated to no avail?

 

[foxdie]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you friend. Sending hugs in this tough time Other users have mentioned suffering from tinnitus and people have had suggestions for coping with it. Maybe try a site search and look at those posts to see if anything could help? If you have tried treatment options then just know we are here for you

 

[Ghost2211]

Have you spoken to an ENT and a neurologist? Also though you may have already done so if you do a Google search a lot of alternative stuff comes up as well. There are also several tinnitus suffers in the group, so hopefully somebody has ideas that may help relieve symptoms to some degree.

I'm sorry life has taken so much from you. I hope you find peace and things get better for you one way or the other.

 

[whywere]

Somewhat like you, I have 24/7 chronic pain and it sucks the life out of a person. Now with that said, have you gone to a medical team that works with tinnitus? Like @hoping to lose hope asked , have you tried the mental health route for treatment? WE are ALL here for YOU, so please use us as a resource for caring, empathy and love. I for one, have a idea what you are going through and I am with you 100% as far as you have all my caring and empathy and kidness that I have to help support you.

 

[constant_grief]

Hey, I'm sorry that your life has turned for the worse. Maybe spending more time with the people you love could help a bit, at least for now. I'm so sorry Sending hugs!

Thanks.. yeah I am living with my family right now. Trying to get through each day with them.

Have you spoken to an ENT and a neurologist? Also though you may have already done so if you do a Google search a lot of alternative stuff comes up as well. There are also several tinnitus suffers in the group, so hopefully somebody has ideas that may help relieve symptoms to some degree.

I'm sorry life has taken so much from you. I hope you find peace and things get better for you one way or the other.

I have been throught the ENT stuff.. They could not find an explanation for why the tinnitus appeared. Had a hearing test and I have normal hearing. Had an MRI scan and nothing out of the ordinary either.

Tinnitus will be mentally blocked out and you will not realize you have it as often after many years of dealing with it but yes it is annoying.Sounds as if you do not want to have to die to stop feeling miserable.
Thefact you used to enjoy life makes this all much harder for you sorry OP it is not fair for anyone.
I assume you have tried to have your mental health treated to no avail?

I have been attending therapy and getting counselling but honestly my mental health just keeps reaching new lows. It seemed to be helping at first but my depression and fear just came back. The noise is bearable right now, my main problem is an enormous fear of it getting worse. I just cannot get over this fear. It just does not feel like I can get used to this and feel normal again especially if I have to deal with increases.

You are right that I really do not want to die, there are so many people I care about, but I am really suffering and feel like there's nothing I can do

Somewhat like you, I have 24/7 chronic pain and it sucks the life out of a person. Now with that said, have you gone to a medical team that works with tinnitus? Like @hoping to lose hope asked , have you tried the mental health route for treatment? WE are ALL here for YOU, so please use us as a resource for caring, empathy and love. I for one, have a idea what you are going through and I am with you 100% as far as you have all my caring and empathy and kidness that I have to help support you.

Thankyou for your support.. yeah I have seen a bunch of doctors, unfortunately there is little they can do about this condition. I am going through counselling and therapy but so far I am still suffering badly

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Can't relate since my life has always been full of problems but feelsbadman, I am sorry to see you in this situation

 

[LonelyDude15]

That sounds awful, it sounds like you have alot of people in your life who like you though. Perhaps hold off as tinittus has been known to disappear randomly as well