Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Basically what the title says. Im leaving for the pharmacy rn and started crying earlier.
Local friend has called / managed to get a call in as I was getting my food delivery. She left a message saying to call her. That was Sunday. I just feel like its too late in a sense. That Im just seeking comfort within the hardship of this. That calling her won't change my desire to CTB but just comfort me through it and thats not fair to do to anyone hence why I deleted all contacts and broke contact with everyone.
So yeah. Its depressing and easier when I'm just in bed and such but getting up rn... all the feelings just hit...
Plus I'm def still in a flareup. My meds would've woken me up but it didn't at all I'm half asleep rn in the uber. Breathing is like... a struggle fr fr. So dizzy rn
Ok so just got all my meds at the pharmacy and they weren't ready despite them saying it'd be ready in 20 mins... and I went an hour later. So had to stand there for almost 20mins. My uber left so had to order another (more money)
and at this point I feel sleepy,nauseous,shakey, dizzy, just unwell as fuck. Dishes have been there a few days... so will most likely just force myself to do them. Even in a flareup my meds help with certain CPTSD symptoms so the desire to reach out is so fucking strong but I feel like I need to leave everyone alone. Im a death sentence waiting to happen so.
Anyway. Im home now. I feel weak. My muscles are so sore. And the symptoms I mentioned aboveClasssic POTS symptoms. But both for my own cleanliness trauma and my own desire to get energy out just gonna slowly and probs with a chair wash the dishes...
Local friend has called / managed to get a call in as I was getting my food delivery. She left a message saying to call her. That was Sunday. I just feel like its too late in a sense. That Im just seeking comfort within the hardship of this. That calling her won't change my desire to CTB but just comfort me through it and thats not fair to do to anyone hence why I deleted all contacts and broke contact with everyone.
So yeah. Its depressing and easier when I'm just in bed and such but getting up rn... all the feelings just hit...
Plus I'm def still in a flareup. My meds would've woken me up but it didn't at all I'm half asleep rn in the uber. Breathing is like... a struggle fr fr. So dizzy rn
Ok so just got all my meds at the pharmacy and they weren't ready despite them saying it'd be ready in 20 mins... and I went an hour later. So had to stand there for almost 20mins. My uber left so had to order another (more money)
and at this point I feel sleepy,nauseous,shakey, dizzy, just unwell as fuck. Dishes have been there a few days... so will most likely just force myself to do them. Even in a flareup my meds help with certain CPTSD symptoms so the desire to reach out is so fucking strong but I feel like I need to leave everyone alone. Im a death sentence waiting to happen so.Anyway. Im home now. I feel weak. My muscles are so sore. And the symptoms I mentioned aboveClasssic POTS symptoms. But both for my own cleanliness trauma and my own desire to get energy out just gonna slowly and probs with a chair wash the dishes...
