Or at least suspected bipolar. Apparently a diagnosis takes a long time as you have to be observed for a while.
It's not a surprise to me. The first time it was suggested was when I was 15. I've been tracking my moods and sleep for years now, and there's a pretty clear pattern.
I'm on lamotrigine. I was taking it anyway for epilepsy, but they're upping the dose cause it seems to be working somewhat as a mood stabiliser. Idk. I'm less depressed in this depressive episode than I could be? Yay?
I don't think lamotrigine works well for killing yourself.
They pushed for a BPD diagnosis again, but backed off when, once again, it was pointed out that I don't have any of the hallmark BPD symptoms that distinguish BPD from other mental illnesses (i.e. no frequent intense mood switches in response to day to activities, no pattern of unstable relationships, no black/white thinking, no fear of abandonment, no issues controlling anger, and I have a fairly stable sense of self).
I have a history of self harm, dissociation, mild psychosis, impulsive behaviour, chronic feelings of emptiness, slow moving mood shifts lasting weeks to months, and, of course, multiple suicide attempts. I'll give them that I probably do have some BPD traits, but nothing that couldn't be explained by other pre-existing diagnoses such as C-PTSD and ADHD, or better explained by bipolar.
I don't trust these people to make me well in any meaningful sense of the word. I've been thinking about dropping out of therapy for a while now.
There's a national ADHD med shortage so my college work is fucked anyway. There goes my attempt at doing something functional with my life.
I also fucked my best friend, did cocaine, took psychoactive mushrooms, and got spiked in a nightclub (not in that order). I tried cigarettes too and now I keep wanting to smoke.
Oh well. My date is coming up soon. Less than two months now and I'm fucking off out of here.
Might take up smoking since I'm going to be dead regardless and I did genuinely like it.
I'm will be buying the pills in the near future. Propranolol is still my drug of choice.
I still want to die.
It's not a surprise to me. The first time it was suggested was when I was 15. I've been tracking my moods and sleep for years now, and there's a pretty clear pattern.
I'm on lamotrigine. I was taking it anyway for epilepsy, but they're upping the dose cause it seems to be working somewhat as a mood stabiliser. Idk. I'm less depressed in this depressive episode than I could be? Yay?
I don't think lamotrigine works well for killing yourself.
They pushed for a BPD diagnosis again, but backed off when, once again, it was pointed out that I don't have any of the hallmark BPD symptoms that distinguish BPD from other mental illnesses (i.e. no frequent intense mood switches in response to day to activities, no pattern of unstable relationships, no black/white thinking, no fear of abandonment, no issues controlling anger, and I have a fairly stable sense of self).
I have a history of self harm, dissociation, mild psychosis, impulsive behaviour, chronic feelings of emptiness, slow moving mood shifts lasting weeks to months, and, of course, multiple suicide attempts. I'll give them that I probably do have some BPD traits, but nothing that couldn't be explained by other pre-existing diagnoses such as C-PTSD and ADHD, or better explained by bipolar.
I don't trust these people to make me well in any meaningful sense of the word. I've been thinking about dropping out of therapy for a while now.
There's a national ADHD med shortage so my college work is fucked anyway. There goes my attempt at doing something functional with my life.
I also fucked my best friend, did cocaine, took psychoactive mushrooms, and got spiked in a nightclub (not in that order). I tried cigarettes too and now I keep wanting to smoke.
Oh well. My date is coming up soon. Less than two months now and I'm fucking off out of here.
Might take up smoking since I'm going to be dead regardless and I did genuinely like it.
I'm will be buying the pills in the near future. Propranolol is still my drug of choice.
I still want to die.
