Story I'm back - SN overdose 3 month update.

[Amossoma543]

Please, be easy on yourself. It's okay to reconsider. I don't know the nature of your pain - if its permanent or circumstantial, but I wish you peace in life or in death. My depression has always argued with my anxiety and vice-versa, so I know get the conflict. But please make sure checking out is the BEST and most rational alternative before acting on it.

Yes, I hear you. Good advice. For me, there is no other solution. Any other route is just prolonging the agony, not just for me, but for others (even though they wouldn't agree...at least not out loud). Something along the lines of a miracle would need to occur (a few, actually) for my life to get nearer to the place where I'd actually say that I want to be alive. As of right now, I have to sort of block out what makes it so painful so that I'm not living in a constant state of misery. So...I do amuse myself with books, films, my work. But I know that I have an appointment with the end. Soon. Geez...it could be over in seconds if I only had the damned courage. Every day I put it off is just me being a coward.

 

[revenge88]

get better

 

[ladolcemorte]

[/QUOTE]

I'm so happy for you that you've found a Dr that works for you - how are you feeling now? Do you consider yourself in recovery?

[/QUOTE]

Well, I am not sure I would say I am in recovery, but I am giving the treatment plan a try. If I had found this Dr 5 years ago, I am sure it would have saved my life. It might be too late now, given the mess I have made of my life at this point, but I am giving it a try. The beauty of rock bottom is that you have nothing else to lose so you might as well go for a victory, no matter how unlikely it seems.

At the very least I am glad to have had a doctor who heard me. Everyone deserves that much, and I hope you have better luck in the future.

Seriously, ask if you can switch Drs even if you have to wait. From what you have said, it sounds like he only knows how to treat a textbook case of depression, and instead of admitting the limits of his expertise and referring patients to another Dr, or, heaven forbid, doing some research, he acts like the patient is the problem. That is not only unfair to his patients but dangerous as well.

 

[ghostspace]

I know, it really upset me when the doctor diminished my suffering to appearance. I already feel misunderstood as it is, sometimes it makes me more determine to die to prove a point. Nope, nothing. The crisis team were unprofessional and so were the doctors both at the GP and the hospital. I was not taken seriously at all. I've been told personality disorders aren't real, have not been offered any sort of therapy and dismissed as soon as possible.

I can really emphasize, the first thing the ER nurse said after I came in following an attempt was, "Why would you do this to yourself? You're young and you're so pretty." As if those things canceled out the emotional agony I was in at the time, or had anything at all to do with my mental health.

I've either been turned away by therapists because they don't 'work with clients who have BPD' or told that personality disorders are incurable or don't exist and are just bad behavior.

I'm so sorry you've been invalidated and treated so callously. Personality disorders are hell and there IS therapy available for them. DBT helped me quite a bit, it was invented by someone with BPD who created it because she couldn't find any resources to help her own emotional struggles.

 

[Indieblue]

I just hope i can convince the pharmacist when i buy anti emetics. I feel so nervous for having to buy the specific ones (Metoclopramide or dromperidone) i feel like he would think it weird because normally i just take whatever he gives me. I never asked him specific drugs..