I'm at my wit's end, again

[BitterlyAlive]

I got sent home early from work because I was constantly crying and couldn't do my job. It was pathetic and SO embarrassing, and it's likely going to happen again tomorrow because I'm going to be assigned into the same situation. I'm so disgusted and ashamed, I can't bear to see the same people again at work tomorrow.

I feel like I'm in a repeat of earlier this year, only things are worse. I'm struggling to sleep again and really have to force myself to eat. The constant guilt, shame, anxiety... Fuck, it's horrible. I have to have a special meeting involving HR and I'm sure I'm going to be fired.

I feel so fucked up and I can't even think properly. This week has been so stressful. I'm apparently severely depressed, but I feel like that's just not true. I wish I could articulate my feelings on that. I have such a bad headache and feel very sick. I haven't eaten in 20 hours but I don't think I could. I'm not going to be able to sleep again if this keeps up. I only slept 2 hours last night so...fuck. I'm so scared to go to work tomorrow. I'm so tired of suffering, but at the same time I feel like I deserve it. I'm being punished but I'm a bad person so I deserve it. I cause so many people so much grief. I feel like I'm not even really suicidal because I don't have a gun to my head or my SN dissolved right this fucking second. But, fuck, I'm so desperate and I want to die. I need to die.

 

[Lilacmoon]

it's overwhelming. the thoughts just don't stop. i'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. it's agonizing.

here, have hug. I don't think it'll help much though.

 

[mylastserenade]

I feel for you!
Do you think your a bad person because of your work situation?

 

[BipolarGuy]

I got sent home early from work because I was constantly crying and couldn't do my job. It was pathetic and SO embarrassing, and it's likely going to happen again tomorrow because I'm going to be assigned into the same situation. I'm so disgusted and ashamed, I can't bear to see the same people again at work tomorrow.

I feel like I'm in a repeat of earlier this year, only things are worse. I'm struggling to sleep again and really have to force myself to eat. The constant guilt, shame, anxiety... Fuck, it's horrible. I have to have a special meeting involving HR and I'm sure I'm going to be fired.

I feel so fucked up and I can't even think properly. This week has been so stressful. I'm apparently severely depressed, but I feel like that's just not true. I wish I could articulate my feelings on that. I have such a bad headache and feel very sick. I haven't eaten in 20 hours but I don't think I could. I'm not going to be able to sleep again if this keeps up. I only slept 2 hours last night so...fuck. I'm so scared to go to work tomorrow. I'm so tired of suffering, but at the same time I feel like I deserve it. I'm being punished but I'm a bad person so I deserve it. I cause so many people so much grief. I feel like I'm not even really suicidal because I don't have a gun to my head or my SN dissolved right this fucking second. But, fuck, I'm so desperate and I want to die. I need to die.

Hey,
Sorry you're feeling like this.
HR sadly just use their knowledge of the law to administrate your way out of the door rather than support you. Not saying this is what's going to happen in your case.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

it's overwhelming. the thoughts just don't stop. i'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. it's agonizing.

here, have hug. I don't think it'll help much though.

It's excruciating. I don't even know what to do right now. Fight the bad nausea and try to eat? Try to drug myself to sleep for work tomorrow? Call in since I really don't feel like I can eat or sleep? But then that creates a ton of new issues..... I'm too ashamed to even hypothetically hug someone. I'm sorry. :(

I feel for you!
Do you think your a bad person because of your work situation?

I've struggled with anxiety, depression, feeling like a bad person, etc for a very very long time :/ Work just makes it worse. People at work say I'm reliable, level headed, but... It's just not true.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Please talk to HR. They will be understanding and may refer you to their in-house psychiatrist for an assessment of your capability to work at the moment. They can't sack you if you're honest with them, but if you choose not to open up to them, they're within their rights to give you a verbal warning. Honesty is the best policy in your current situation. Sending hugs and wishing you the best.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Hey,
Sorry you're feeling like this.
HR sadly just use their knowledge of the law to administrate your way out of the door rather than support you. Not saying this is what's going to happen in your case.

Yeah, that's why I feel like I'm going to be fired. My job is basic as fuck so anyone can be hired to replace me. Why keep me?

 

[Acopia]

I'm so sorry to read of you struggling
In my experience, be honest with the people at work, they'll have ways to help you.
I know it's hard, and don't forget to look after you!
Peace & gentle hugs
-A.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Please talk to HR. They will be understanding and may refer you to their in-house psychiatrist for an assessment of your capability to work at the moment. They can't sack you if you're honest with them, but if you choose not to open up to them, they're within their rights to give you a verbal warning. Honesty is the best policy in your current situation. Sending hugs and wishing you the best.

My boss knows my situation very well and when they met with me today, I told them I'm on new meds and in therapy. They're so supportive and kind. But I'm so worried that HR will say "it doesn't matter, this is literally your job and you're demonstrating that you can't handle it. This has happened before. You're done." I think my boss will be with me when I meet with HR but I'm so worried.

I'm so sorry to read of you struggling
In my experience, be honest with the people at work, they'll have ways to help you.
I know it's hard, and don't forget to look after you!
Peace & gentle hugs
-A.

I try to be honest with my boss. They know I wouldn't act like this to get out of work and know that, despite what I feel, I'm not making excuses to go home early.

I don't know what to do to take care of myself right now. I feel too sick to even get out of bed, but I haven't eaten in so long... And I need to sleep but I'm so stressed.

 

[Frew]

I'm going through a similar situation. I'm constantly stressed out about underperforming and looking stupid. It's really terrible, I feel so bad for you. Maybe they can arrange some time off, would that help?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm going through a similar situation. I'm constantly stressed out about underperforming and looking stupid. It's really terrible, I feel so bad for you. Maybe they can arrange some time off, would that help?

It's certainly an idea, but I don't have enough PTO for it. I only have enough for 3 days off, and at this rate I may have to call in tomorrow. I'm sorry you're going thru something similar.

 

[Lilacmoon]

no shame. I'll give you another hypothetical hug to make up for it. i've got infinite.

 

[Frew]

It's certainly an idea, but I don't have enough PTO for it. I only have enough for 3 days off, and at this rate I may have to call in tomorrow. I'm sorry you're going thru something similar.

Many countries or companies have paid sick leave if you have a note from your doctor, does this exist where you live?

 

[tidalwxves]

I'm sorry, do you have any days off you could use? what's the vacation situation? can you use that to your advantage and get some time to regroup?

 

[BitterlyAlive]

Many countries or companies have paid sick leave if you have a note from your doctor, does this exist where you live?

I can maybe get short term disability...it doesn't use PTO. But my doctor's office won't give medical leave for mental health conditions, and I don't know who else to turn to. I don't think a therapist is "good enough".

I'm sorry, do you have any days off you could use? what's the vacation situation? can you use that to your advantage and get some time to regroup?

If I call in tomorrow I only have 2 more days of PTO. I can talk about getting short term disability, because looking at my company's policy it doesn't seem to use PTO.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

These things happen from time to time. While I can't give much advice don't beat yourself up over not being able to cope. You were doing well to be able to work at all.