Venting I'm at my lowest point

[vanillivamp]

I've been feeling bad like this for the longest time, but today just took everything and i need a place to vent because my only friend ghosts me now.

My parents are beeing cold towards me, they don't even want to listen to 'whats up now again', whenerver I used to sh. Every possible moment tried to be a good child, since i have a disabled brother to not cause any more trouble and stress for my parents. My brother requiered a lot of attention which put me in the background most of the time, and I dont even know why i just accepted that as a child. I always listened to them, never really threw a tantrum.

The only reason I haven't ctb yet, is because of my mother. I know she can't handle more unhappiness. But she straight up told me today that if she knew how many problems I and my brother cause, she would have never adopted. (My brother and I are adopted since birth) I feel like the only reason im here is slowly but surely fading away. I'm often asking myself what I even have done to deserve this.
I know i surely will ctb in the future, but i planned on doing so when my parents passed. Today made me think differently on that matter though.

Has anyone here ever had similar problems? I really dont know how to handle this anymore. Thank you for listening.

 

[Kirov]

Im very sorry about what your going through. I sort of know how its like to feel unwanted. After my attempt, my mother chastited me and told me I was "worse than Hitler". But me personally I never really cared what my mother thought so it didnt bother me.

 

[Dr.Sleep (Im tired)]

I'm sorry you feel that way broski. Sounds like you need a hug and to talk through what you're feeling

 

[vanillivamp]

But me personally I never really cared what my mother thought so it didnt bother me.

Feeling like this requires a lot of strength i guess, I dont know if i could do that since I'm living in the same apartment with her still. It might take a while.

 

[Kirov]

Feeling like this requires a lot of strength i guess, I dont know if i could do that since I'm living in the same apartment with her still. It might take a while.

I dont think its strength tbh. You cant really decide how you feel emotionally on something. Especially to do with what people think. Its human nature to care. Though you can manage the intensity of the feelings. You can change how you feel but it does take time and maybe a change of circumstances. Change like that is always possible. Also even though I dont have such a great relationship with my mom, she was still very upset and sad after what had happened and tried to be supportive later. Sometimes people say bad things without realizing how much it hurts you, and later on they come to regret how they treated you. I know ive been rambling here but I wanted to leave you with this: you didnt do anything to deserve being made to feel this way. Sometimes people are just selfish and insensitive and its there own faults.

I hope you feel better soon.

 

[Viranamari]

It's saddening on how parents can say that to their children. Multiple times my mother said she should have just aborpted me. My father said he was only taking care of me because the law required him to do so and that he shouldn't have given birth to me at all. Their not abusive and I don't think they mean it but I'm guessing that's what parents do. However, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you should tell your parents about it. I wish you luck.

 

[redisblue]

I'm so sorry that you're going through that. You don't deserve to feel like this or have to go through any of that. I'm here if you ever need somebody to talk to. Sending lots of hugs and love :D